Book 3: You Don't Want My Love (Slash FanFic)

Ch. 36: Something From Nothing

"Okay Lazy Bones, it's time for you to get up and come walk amongst the living!" Al threw open the curtains of my bedroom, the California sunlight immediately smacking me right in the face without any warning whatsoever. I grimaced at the brightness of it, feeling very much like a vampire in distress.

"Fuck off with that shit!" I grumbled in response, tugging my blankets up and over my head in an attempt to block the light from my eyes. I settled back into the pillows, determined to drift back to sleep.

"Oh no you don't!"

Within seconds, Al had pounced on me and I soon found myself struggling against her forceful pulling as she tried to rip the blankets from my death grip.

"Al, cut it out!"

"You cut it out!" She shot back, tugging against me even harder. "The pity party is over starting now!"

"It's over when I say it's over!" I snapped, using all of my strength to finally break free from Al and collapse back down into the mattress.

"Which will be never at this rate..." she said, sounding more like she was speaking out loud to herself. I don't think she expected me to hear it.

I bit my lip as I hid beneath the comforter, thankful that I had a barrier not only from the sun but from Al's disappointed glare as well. "You're right, it will be never if you keep nagging me like this-"

"Nagging you? Ugh! You sound like such an asshole," she practically roared at me. I imagined her as an elegant lioness with her claws unsheathed and her eyes piercing through me, ready to pounce if I made the mistake of saying anymore stupid shit. "Just because I care about you enough to push you....and, you know, I wouldn't have to keep bugging you about it if you would care enough to do it yourself. So I'm sorry if that makes me a nag, but if I'm a nag then you're just...nothing. Which is much worse if you ask me!"

Fuck. I hated it when she was right-which was damn near always. But, so what if she was right? So what if I was nothing? I didn't want to be anything right now. Not yet, anyway. Because if I was going to be anything now that the band was gone, I would have to be just Saul. I would have to make my own way, find a new way of living outside of Guns N'Roses and everything I'd known for the better half of a decade. It was too much work for me at the moment. Even though I'd talked big to Axl, I honestly wasn't sure if I was ready to face it all just yet.

"Well good thing nobody asked you," I muttered coldly.

Al was silent for a moment. I considered peeking out from the blanket to see what kind of expression she was making-maybe help me to decide how badly I'd fucked up just then-but the bed shifted before I had the chance, signaling that she had moved from her spot on the bed beside me. Then, a dull thud as her fist hit me through the blanket.

"Ow!" I bellowed, even though her scrawny arm hadn't actually hurt me that much. "What the hell-"

"You're being a brat!" Al scolded me. Within moments, she had straddled me and was continuing to pummel my body in a way that was more annoying than painful. "Quit feeling sorry for yourself! The pets need you! Steven and the others are worried! I-"

Collecting all of my strength once more, I shoved through the wall of blankets and wrestled Al down onto the bed. I leered over her, my hands pinning her wrists down in a way that framed her face. She struggled against me for a moment, but quickly gave up when she realized that it was useless. We stared at each other for a moment, causing my grip on her to loosen as I thawed under the pretty pout of her lip.

"You-what?" I goaded, leaning in closer.

"I...I've missed you." Her eyes fell so that she was no longer looking at me, but at a corner on the other side of the room.

"I don't see why. I'm an asshole," I grumbled somewhere deep in my throat.

"Even if you are sometimes, I know that you can be so much more. I've seen it in you when you play guitar, sometimes I see it when you're with Steven, or when you're looking at the reptiles at the zoo...I like to think I feel it sometimes when you're with me too."

I swallowed hard.

"Don't let this ruin that," she continued calmly. "Don't let anyone take that away from you. You've gotten this far, are you really going to let it go now?"

A droplet fell onto Al's collar bone, sliding down and following the path into the crevices there. I realized around the same time that Al did that I was crying. Wordlessly, Al wriggled her wrists free from my hands and draped her arms around my neck. Her legs soon followed and wrapped around my waist, pulling me down into a tight koala hug. My face found a spot in the crook of her neck, and I buried myself in the comforting heat of it.

"I'm scared," I admitted in a shaking, sobbing tone. So embarrassing, so stupid. I clung to her harder. "You were right...I'm nothing now."

Al sucked in a breath. This time, she was the one clinging tighter to me. "No, I was wrong to say that."

I shook my head slightly. "You were only pointing out the truth."

Al didn't say anything further, just held me so close that I could hardly breathe and let me stain her shirt with tears and snot. So uncool of you, so un-Slash.

I was reminded of moments from my childhood, little memories of when I'd scraped my knee or broken a toy and I'd rush over and cry about it to my mom. It was so emasculating, so infantile. I was mortified, but still the tears kept coming and Al just kept on squeezing them right out of me like she was wringing me out to dry. 

When my crying had finally slowed to a manageable trickle, Al released me just enough so that I lay limp beside her. She maneuvered herself in the optimal position for her to be able to freely brush through my curls with her fingers, gazing down at me through hooded eyes. I sniffled softly, focusing on the individual wrinkles of her shirt.

"I shouldn't have said such an awful thing to you, Saul."

"No, it's okay," I whispered softly. "I probably deserved it. No-scratch that-I definitely deserved it. I've said worse to you."

It got quiet again, and Al seemed to be pondering something as she toyed with a particularly stubborn knot in my hair. After a few minutes, she sat up and studied me. My cheeks burned self-consciously, and I quickly went back to looking at her shirt.

"You know, it isn't so bad."

"No?" I asked, trying to sound intrigued but the undertone of doubt was difficult to hide.

"Sure. You can always make something from nothing," Al insisted matter-of-factly.

I nearly rolled my eyes at the cheesiness of it, but somehow managed to stop myself before instinct kicked in. "Oh really?"

"I think so. I mean, once you're at rock bottom, the only place left to go is up, right?"

I'd heard this type of shit before and it'd always sounded so cliché to me. It was the type of shit the happy, sparkly people said to make peons and junkies feel better about their miserable, shitty lives. But when Al said it-with her hair tickling my nose and her fingers scratching delicate lines on my scalp-I actually wanted to believe it, even if it was just a little bit.

"How much Oprah have you been watching?" I teased her, causing both of us to smirk knowingly.

"Why? Is it working?" She asked with a laugh.

"No. Not at all!" I lied. She knew it was a lie too, because I hadn't smiled in so long but I was grinning like an idiot now. Good ol'Al, she naturally kept to herself and didn't give anything away. She just kept watching me, enjoying my smile for as long as I would allow her to. I realized then that I wasn't going to stop.

A/N: I deleted my social media apps from my phone today, and I think that really helped me to finally focus on the things I enjoy. This update took weeks, but I wrote it in a matter of a few hours once I finally sat down and actually tried. Wow. I'm going to work hard from now on to focus on me and on what I enjoy and quit wasting time on unnecessary things. I'm really excited to get back to some writing, and I hope y'all are excited too.
Thanks for sticking around this long, and I hope you enjoyed this update!
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