The Healer |H.S. au

1.

"Hey, everyone, I am Emily and I am a survivor.''

" Great new girl with the same story came to remind me of my pain again.'' I mumbled to my hoping no one could hear that.

''Amelia don' t be rude, I don't want to hear it either but we are all the same, dealing with the same shit and we need to help each other in this situation. That is why we are here after all.''

I tried to stay calm and let her talk but I couldn't. I was holding myself but anger was stronger. For a minute i felt like I was bomb waiting to be activated and in the end i did it. I just exploded.

'' Noone can help me. Not you, not you or  you! '' 
I was pointing my finger to every person in the room. '' I am fucked and I am a big mess. There is nothing that can help me or bring me back to life so stop doing this . There is no point, this was big waste of time. Thank you for nothing and I will never see u again.Bye! . '' I stormed outside.
To be honest it is not like I have anything better to do but beeing with these people in the small room won't help me heal either.

After one hour of driving i finally saw my house,hidden by the trees.As soon as I stepped in the house I could smell my favorite meal.It was my mums  lasagna.The only thing that can bring smile on my face.

''Hey Mum  I am home '' I hid  my furious face and put happy mask on.

''Hey honey, how was at the meeting?'' She hugged me and I saw on her face that she knew something was wrong.

''Is everything okay' Are you okay? ''

Can people stop asking me that question all the time. I force my self to be okay, or at least to look like that. No one wants to hear me whine about swirling and constant mess inside my head. I am ok, I am ok . Im Trying to  reinforce with every beat of the heart and i always think I do it well, until one small thing, one tiny comment or movement shatters the illusion and sends me back into the dark abyss.

''Yeah, I am alright'' fall the words from my mouth - a script that's lost meaning long time ago .

''Hm, okay but talk to me if you need to .You know that I am always here for you. '' She kissed me on the forehead just like my dad used to always do .
"I know Mum, I know" I just gave her little smile and went to my room.

It was about time for me to go and pack my things .I am finally leaving this town and I won't be back for sure,I am going to start a new life or at least try to ,which is gonna be hard but let's pray for the best. I am finally moving to a new city .Big one . New York has always been a big dream for me and now it's finally happening. I got a scholarship to amazing university, i am gonna study the things i like.Music has always been my big passion.

Box after box, suitcase after suitcase, after few hours I was done. I am so glad that i am not  going to live in a dorm, I have my own place there but financially it's going to be difficult. Dorms are cheaper but still, I'll have my privacy here , which is exactly what I need in life. I don't want to connect with anyone or meet anyone.I am fine on my own.

It has been 2 years after what happened to me and I still hasn't recovered yet, I pushed all my friends away. I pushed my boyfriend away. I lost everyone. I locked myself in and I'm never getting out or letting anyone in. I lost trust in people .I lost trust in the world.
People say time heals the wounds but mine are still pretty much open. I guess I will never heal but It is fine. I've learned how to live with that .

After a long day I finally lay down in bed. I put my favourite sad play list but soon the sound of rain and thunders replaced it. It was so calming yet awful.When you are young thunderstorms seem scary.Like the sky is angry at you, but now that I'm older, something about its roar soothes me, it's comforting to know that even nature needs to scream sometimes.

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PETRA ❤️