Torture called love | Crowley x Aziraphale (Good Omens)

You make me go crazy

PoV: Aziraphale

Here I am. Alone. I don't know what just happened. Did I say something wrong? No, Crowley said that he's just not the type for such conversations.
And I think that's true.
I know him for so long and we never talked about feelings. Not in this way.

Maybe it was too much at once for him.
He outed himself as gay and told me that he was in love with someone. With a man and... is that jealousy?

No, it can't be. I am an Angel. I'm not jealous. Especially not of the person Crowley fell for. Why would I even want to be that person? He is a demon and I can't imagine anything worse than being together with a demon.

I'm happy he finally found someone.
Anyway, I should be.

God, what's wrong with me?
I can't think straight.
I've never felt like that before. That was all my fault. I should apologise. It wasn't okay that I kept on asking.
However, I want t- I need to know more.

I think I'll visit him tomorrow and then we'd talk about that and everything would be fine again. That sounds like a good plan.
Poor Crowley. He was probably never in love before and now all these emotions come at once. I have never really been in love either but I know how it feels. I have been with a few women before but it never felt right.

I've never seen Crowley like that before and I've never thought that I would ever see him like this.
Lovely and... sensitive.
The two words that I'd normally never use to describe a demon.

I'm so stupid. He opened to me and I wasn't there for him. I behaved terribly. Nobody deserves that. Not even Crowley.

*time skip*

at Crowley's place

I knock at the door. Nothing happens.
"Crowley? It's me" No answer.
"Please, open up" -

Maybe he isn't there. But I don't want to go to the bookshop again, so I stay.
I'm sitting here, leaning against the closed door.
After a while waiting for... whatever, it gets very quiet. Quiet enough to hear the music out of the flat.

I've heard this song before. Yes, it was in Crowley's car. So he's there. He must be.

So I stand up and knock again and this time I won't stop until he opens it.

"Crowley, open- Open the god damn door! I know that you're in there"

I hear that the door is unlocked now.
I take one step forward and look for him but I can't see anyone yet.

So I start walking around a little bit.
Then I hear a sigh.
"Why are you here, angel?"
"Crowley? Where are you? We really need to talk, I'm so sorry"

The wall next to me moves and another room appears. A pretty tiny room with plants in it and Crowley sitting in the middle on the ground.

I can't hide a little smile.
"Why are you here?" he asks again.
"As I said already, we need to talk. And- and I'm here to apologize"
He looks up to me and seems confused. I join the demon on the ground right in front of him.

"Look, these things you said to me yesterday. I know my reaction wasn't the best and I'm sorry. I wasn't prepared and as an angel I should always be. Especially for love. I reacted horribly and now I'm here to support you. You really deserve better, I-"

"No", he interrupts. "You didn- I don't deserve you"

"What? No. Crowley, listen to yourself"

"You didn't do anything wrong. How could you? You're an angel"

"Angels can do bad things, too"

"But you didn't"

Finally he looks up but I still can't tell what exactly he is looking at through his glasses.

"Come on, put them down"
"Wha- No!
"Nobody can see you in here. It's only me"
"No! You've never told me to put them down"
"But I do now. I just want to see your eyes... Please?"

He grabs his glasses and places them next to him.
He's got tears in his eyes and I get the impulse to place my hand on his face but I can stop myself. "You know I'm always there for you"

"Have you ever been in love?", he asks.
"Yeah- yes, I guess. But that was a long time ago. I hardly remember how it felt like"
He nods.

Should I say that I feel a little bit jealous? Probably not. But I don't have to say that he's the one that makes me feel weird.
Weird in a good way.
Anyway, I'm not in love with Crowley. He's still a demon and he would never feel the same for me, an angel.

"Well, there is someone right now", I say. "Someone who makes me happy. If you understa-"
"Yeah, I get it. Who's the lucky one?"

"Let's just don't use his name"
"His?"

Oh shit. That was a mistake. Act natural.

"Yes, his name. It's not a woman. Well, mostly"

He raises an eyebrow.
"Whatever. So you're... not straight? If I get it right?"

"I don't know, Crowley. I don't even know if it's love. He makes me really happy. That's all. Don't be so curious"

"I can't help it. It's just... you...", he whisperes.

"Me?"

"God, you make me go crazy"

I'm confused. Didn't expect that kind of answer. "Is that good? Or..."

"I'm sorry", he says.

"What for?"

He came slowly closer to me.
"This", he answers and kisses me.

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