Unsteady

31. Fools

She looked around at the tissues littering the couch and the ones which had fallen on the floor when I got up to answer the door.

"Did he tell you what happened?" I croaked, turning to face Violet.

"Cameron did, Ryder didn't pitch up to school today. He's probably doing the same thing as you," Violet added hopefully trying to make the situation better.

I shook my head furiously and let out a heartless chuckle, "No, he's probably having the time of his life."

Violet shook her head sadly at me, and put a piece of raven black hair behind her ear.

"He's hurting just as much as you Riley, I know that for a fact," she said softly, laying a hand on my shoulder.

I bit my chapped lip as I tried to blink the tears away when I met her warm chocolate eyes.

"Gosh, I'm so pathetic," I said bitterly, running my hands tiredly over my face.

Violet turned her body so that she was now fully facing me. She wore a stern expression and resembled a mother wanting to scold their child for wanting desert before dinner.

"Now you listen to me," she begun, her voice taking on a more adult like tone. "You are not pathetic. No one is ever pathetic for crying over someone they loved-"

"I never loved Ryder," I cut in coldly, my head spinning at just the thought. I couldn't have loved him, there wasn't enough time to have fallen in love with him. I wouldn't have allowed myself to.

Then why did my heart disagree with my statement? Why did it hurt so much if I truly believed what I was saying?

Violet raised her eyebrow at me in a disbelieving way.

"Riley, you just went through a break up with a guy you truly liked," she corrected, "it's okay to cry over him. It's okay to let your guard down and allow yourself to feel all these things you're feeling. I know it hurts, and it's going to hurt for a very long time but that's okay."

She reached over and wrapped her arms around me as I started to cry again. It was like her words had opened up a floodgate that wasn't closing anytime soon. I hiccuped and let out another sob that had lodged itself in my throat.

"You're not weak Riley, and you're not going to get over him in a day. Just breathe, because time will help you. I promise," Violet said soothingly, holding onto my shaking body.

I continued to sob out incomprehensible words, until my babbling turned into an actual sentence.

"It h-hurts so m-much Vi," I hiccuped, allowing myself to do just as Violet said.

I allowed the knife to stab my heart and instead of clutching my chest to hold myself together, I let myself fall apart in my best friend's hands because in doing so I felt my heart slowly start to breathe again.

"I know Riley, and I wish I could make it stop." Violet said softly.

Each tear the slid down my cheek was a broken piece of my heart leaving my body, but I knew I would be fixed. I would fix myself, but first I'd let myself breathe.