byler stories :)

gay thoughts and a love letter (pt 3)

It had been a whole month since Will sent the letter and he never got a letter back.

    When he sent it, he knew it would take a while before it would even get to Mike, never mind how long it would take for him to get a response. He was prepared to wait. But, they had sent letters before and it never took this long. What could have happened?

He wondered if it got lost and had never been delivered. He hoped that was it. If the letter was never delivered, then it would make sense why he never got a reply. Perhaps, all of his worrying was for nothing and Mike didn't reply because he hated him, he just didn't reply because he had nothing to reply to. And also...if Mike never saw it, then Will could just pretend nothing happened and he wouldn't have to deal with all the anxiety and anticipation filling him right now. He didn't exactly regret sending the letter, but he was scared of the outcome. If Mike didn't like him back, things would never be the same. No matter how much they could pretend it was, Will knew that there would be some kind of shift. He really didn't want that to happen. Sometimes, he thought that it would've been better to just leave it alone. He had hid his feelings for so long, he could've just waited. Then, he wouldn't be in this mess.

Actually, he wasn't even sure if it was a mess. Will hadn't gotten a reply. Will had no idea how Mike felt. Mike could in love with him and his letter could be on the way right now and Will wouldn't know. And maybe he was. In love with him. Maybe not that intensely, but maybe Mike did like Will. Just a little. But, he shouldn't get his hopes up.

He just couldn't stop thinking of the possibility that Mike had gotten the letter and he just chose not to write back. He knew, well he hoped, that this wasn't the case, but the thought was always so present in his mind. El tried to reassure him, but it didn't help. She seemed so positive about the whole situation and Will could never understand why. There should be no reason to be positive. Either the letter was lost, or Mike never replied. She must know something Will doesn't and it was driving him crazy. What if she knows that Mike likes him? Again, he shouldn't get his hopes up, but what if? Honestly, that seemed to be the case, but with this whole letter situation, it couldn't have been, could it?

Why wouldn't Mike write back? Maybe he did hate Will now. He can't be friends with some queer right? But, he always stood up for Will in the face of bullies. Maybe Mike was just uncomfortable with how Will felt about him. Maybe he read it and didn't know what to say because Will's feelings weren't requited at all. He knew, at least he hoped he knew, that Mike wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. So, to avoid that, Mike never wrote back. It seems like a Mike thing to do. But, even if that were true, it would still hurt Will. He spilled his heart into that letter and Mike didn't even like him back. It was stupid to write so much, its embarrassing.

But...if Mike actually likes him back, maybe his letter would work in his favor.

Again, it was wishful thinking and he can't get his hopes up just so they plummet down to the ground.

But, as always, Will kept daydreaming. Will kept wondering. He couldn't help it. There was always that "What if?" in his head.

What if Mike did like him? What if his rambling in the letter was actually good? What if Mike likes that Will thinks about him all the time? What if Mike likes that he admitted that he stared at Mike's lips all the time?

Maybe they'd kiss. Like how he mentioned in the letter. And he'd finally know what it felt like. To kiss his crush. To kiss a boy. To kiss anyone in general. Maybe Mike wanted to kiss Will as much as Will wanted to kiss him. Maybe Mike actually really liked him and was nervous about his own feelings and that's why he didn't reply. Maybe he was just waiting to tell him when he met him again-

He was interrupted by a sudden thought. Mike was visiting. Soon. Soon, as in two days from now. The thought made him blush and made him nervous at the same time. He didn't know what he was going to do. Should he assume he got the letter? Or should he act like it never existed?

Will thought back to how he was thinking before that realization. With all of these constant thoughts, he might just randomly kiss Mike himself. He laughed to himself, knowing he'd never actually do that. His daydreams were one thing and reality was a whole other. He would never get the courage to do that, no matter how much he wanted to.

Well...at least if he kissed him, he'd know his feelings immediately and there wouldn't have to be some awkward conversation. But, there was no way Will was actually considering this, right? Admittedly, his mind was running wild since he sent that letter. Maybe too wild.

He knew he should probably calm down.

There was two days until he saw Mike again. He could wait until then to get all the answers to his questions.

But for now, he had to deal with his restless thoughts and his worried heart.