I stepped out of the hot shower with half an hour to spare before I had to go to Jack's. I carefully selected my clothes, because obviously I couldn't be wearing some random hoodie the night my life was going to change. I settled on a sweater that Jack said he liked one time and my favorite jeans. I put on some mascara and chapstick, which was more than I usually do, and packed my overnight bag before walking up to my mirror and taking a long look at myself. I noticed my hands were shaking slightly and I couldn't really focus on anything I was doing. I took a deep breath, staring at my reflection.
"Madison, you can do this," I said to myself. I knew I could. I'd stalled and waited and buried my feelings for long enough. It was time that everything was finally out there.
I drove to Jack's house, in case I needed to drive home if tonight went wrong. He opened the door for me right away, welcoming me inside.
"My mom just made us spaghetti, so we should probably just eat it before it gets cold," he said, leading me to the kitchen table. I could instantly tell he was as nervous as I was. We ate quickly and quietly, barely able to look at each other for longer than a glance. Jack cleared our plates, then brought me up to his room. I sat on his bed, noticing that he locked the door behind him after he pulled it firmly closed.
"Should we get this over with?" he asked, taking a seat to me. I nodded, too nervous to verbally respond.
"Uh- um- who s-should go first?" I stammered.
"I don't know, um, let's flip a coin. Heads or tails?"
"Heads," I answered.
"Ok, heads I go first, and tails you go first," he explained, pulling out his phone. "Hey Siri, flip a coin," he instructed. There was a few seconds delay, and I held my breath until the result was displayed on the screen.
"It's tails," Siri read out.
"Fuck," I sighed. Jack reached his hand out and placed it over mine.
"Hey, Madison, whatever you're about to tell me, just know that I love you. There's nothing that can change that, ok? No matter what you say, I'm here for you," he comforted me.
"Thanks," was all I managed to say.
"Ok, uh, I guess you can just tell me now," Jack said. I took one last deep, shaky breath. Here goes nothing.
"We've been best friends practically since we were born. We've grown up together. We've experienced everything together. Every time one of us got hurt, or was sad, or happy, or scared, nervous, anything really, we helped each other. I've never trusted someone like I trust you. I've never cared about someone like I care about you. I've seen the best, and the worst of you, and I love everything about you. You're funny, you're kind, you're caring, you're generous, you're attractive, I don't know, you're far from perfect, but I can't think of any word but perfect to describe you. You're perfect, Jack." I stood up, beginning to pace back and forth. I made sure to avoid looking at Jack's face. I didn't want to know how he felt until I was done talking.
"I've watched you grow, and learn, and get hurt, and you've done the same for me. We've taught each other so much, and we have so much to learn together. You make me the happiest I've ever been. Every second I'm with you everything bad just goes away. I never stop thinking about you. No matter where I am, who I'm with, you're all I ever think about. Ever since we were little, people said we would end up together. I always agreed, even though I never really understood how much I actually wanted that. And I'm tired of lying, to you, and myself, and pretty much everyone. I think this year was like, a turning point for us. We both found people we thought might actually mean something more to us than each other. And I cared a lot about Finn. A lot." I stopped pacing and sat next to Jack again, still avoiding looking at his face. "This whole year, I thought it could be Finn. I thought it was Finn. But it was never Finn. It was never anyone else. It can never be anyone else. It's you, Jack. It's always been you. It will always be you. I'm in love with you." The words escaped my lips, and I was taken aback. I didn't mean to say it, and I didn't plan on saying it, I didn't even know until that moment that's what I felt. But it was true.
"Madison," he whispered. I finally turned to face him. Tears brimmed in my eyes, and I knew this was the end. He was about to reject me, and my life would be ruined.
"Jack. Jack, I'm sorry-" I was cut off by Jack grabbing my face and pulling me in. He pressed our lips together, and my mind went blank. It was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I brought my hand to his hair, softly grabbing his curls. Kissing Jack while not drunk was completely different, and insanely better. I was dizzy and overwhelmed, thinking of nothing but the feeling of Jack's lips on mine. It was perfect. Everything about it was perfect.
All too soon, Jack pulled away. I came crashing back to reality. What was that? I looked up at Jack, finally meeting his eyes, but his expression was blank.
"My turn," he said, turning to face the door instead of me. I didn't know how to feel. I was so confused. Maybe he was trying just to shut me up. Maybe he was trying to see if he felt something. Did he feel something? When I didn't respond, he began to talk.
"When I first saw the text messages from Ellie, I was hurt. Really hurt. You're the person I trust more than anyone else in the universe. To think that you went behind my back and did something you knew would hurt me, hurt me most of all. So I stopped talking to you. Well, that was the reason at first. For about a week, I didn't talk to you because I was fucking pissed. After that I was ready to go back to being friends. But being away from you made me realize that's not what I wanted. I realized how much I needed you. When I was away from you, I saw how happy you were with Finn. That's when I finally admitted to myself how much I liked you. I didn't want to be your friend. I wanted to be more. And I knew that would destroy your happiness. You liked Finn. You were happy with him. I couldn't take that from you. So I left you. I thought it would just be better to leave you alone completely than to ruin your relationship. Realizing how I felt made me rethink everything. You know, I think the only reason I dated Ellie was because she reminded me so much of you. She was like, the next best thing. Even though nothing could ever compare to you. When Finn, uh, cheated on you, I couldn't just let you be hurt like that, even if it would hurt me more to be with you and not be with you. After Finn was out of the picture, I thought I might actually have a shot. Now I know I was right. But sometimes you acted like you didn't want that. I was confused, so sometimes I just acted like I didn't want that either. But I did. I always have. I've wanted this for so fucking long, Madison. I want you." He looked at me again, and this time I was the one to close the distance between us. Our lips brushed together, and we wasted no time deepening the kiss. One hand was on his shirt, tugging him closer, one hand was on the back of his neck. I couldn't think of anything else but the way his lips felt on my own. Kissing him seemed to have that effect on me. He pulled away a little, just enough so he could say something.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this," he breathed before reconnecting our lips. Once we started, we couldn't stop. Not after we'd both been waiting for this to happen our whole lives. Everything felt so right. When we finally broke apart, my lips felt swollen and I was breathless. We were still for a moment, heads pressed together, trying to steady our breathing.
"I love you so much, Madison," he whispered.
"I love you more. So much more."
"Impossible."
-
authors note: well... it finally happened! i've been writing this chapter for so long i really can't believe i'm finally publishing it. it's not perfect, but i'm kinda proud of it?? anyways, i really wanted to say thank you for all the support. 25k views is so insane and i really never thought i'd get this far. my life has been so crazy lately and i just wanted to say thank you for taking the time our of your day to leave comments, it really makes my day. in other news, IT PART 2 COMES OUT IN LESS THAN THREE WEEKS AND IM NOT REDDIE (haha see what i did there). idk what else to say really but thanks again for the support. ily.
