The Most Wattpad-y Wattpad Book

Hello, my name is Depression, and I'm not like other girls! I like Twenty One Pilots and I listen to Welcome to the Black Parade on repeat. I like to write poems about killing myself cuz it's quirky!

Meet my gay best friend, Willy! He loves makeup and having his sexuality be his only character trait. Then there's Vincent, a dreamy, tall, white man. He's so dark and mysterious! Every time I bleed, he gives me stalker-y heart eyes. It's so romantic!

I arrive at school, and I get punched 20 times in the stomach because everyone hates me and I want to die. I walk over to Vincent, his white ass skin gleaming in the school lights.

"Hey, how are you?" Vincent asked, his eyes darting over to me.

"Oh, I was crying at three a.m. cause it's relatable. How are you?" I asked shyly.

"I was making a blood sacrifice to my cult."

"Love that."

Just then, Willy came over, a pride flag sticking out of his backpack.

"Hey guys, wanna have a rousing discussion about anal sex?!" Willy asked.

"Not today friend," I said.

We all went over to home room, and found Becky in my seat! Becky's a bitch, and she decided to kick me in the shin 34 times.

"W-W-What a-ar-e yo-u-u do-i-ing i-i-n m-y-y sea-t-t???" I asked with anxiety, cause I have anxiety apparently.

"It's the first day of school bitch, I can choose what I want," she said in a way that made me want to slit her throat and throw her in a ditch. I think Vincent felt the same way.

"Back off, slut," Vincent barks.

"Or what, faaaaaaaaaag?" She quacks back.

Suddenly, all hell breaks lose.

****Time skip****

I walked into the nurse's office, and sat down. The nurse came over, looking slightly confused.

"Honey, what happened?" She asked.

"Becky hit me with a Louis Vuitton bag, you wouldn't understand. People like you are the reason I self diagnosed myself!" I spat.

"You are not the victim here! You're getting 10 weeks of suspension, even though I'm not the principal!" The nurse yelled.

"Well if she goes, I'm going to!" Vincent said, sprinting into the room."

"I'm a fucking homosexual, fear me!" Willy screamed!"

"All of you are suspended! Now get out and walk 1.2 miles back home!" The nurse yelled.

We all storm out of the school and arrived at my home quickly cause we teleported. My dad got up from the couch, holding six cans of beer in his hands. I knew he'd be like this! Ever since my mom died, he was never the same

"What are you doing home?!" he slurs drunkenly.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-"

I never get to finish because he slaps me across the face and my body lands on the other side of the room. He then throws his couch at me.

"I said, what are you doing homie??!!" Dad screams.

"I w-w-was susp-p-pende-e-d," I cried.

"You're going to have to be punished!" Dad yelled, grabbing his belt.

****Time Skip****

I was whipped 182 times, so I limped up the stairs and jumped out of my window. Any place was better than there, So I ran into a dark alleyway. Suddenly, I was grabbed.

****Time skip****

"Hello bitch, how's the straps?" a familiar voice asked.

"Not as bad as the ones I put around my neck to choke myself." I gasped, A pain rippling down my body."

"That was some random ass drug! I hope you enjoy it!" The woman said, as she walked out of the shadows. It was Becky!"

"Fuck you Becky, you cunt!" I yell as I pass out.

****Time Skip****

I wake up to the sound of a woman screaming. I open my eyes and see Becky with her blood drained. Vincent's to my left, with blood dripping down his mouth. I see fangs.

"A-A-A-A-re yo-o-o-u a vam-m-mpire?" I stuttered.

"Yes."

"Ok," I say, as he leans over to my lips.

We casually make out as it starts getting even hotter. Becky's unconscious body is lying next to us as we have hardcore sex.

****Time Skip****

"Depression, is there something you wanna tell my gay ass?" Willy asked.

"I'm pregnant and I want to jump off a cliff!" I yelled.

"Oh my homosexual, that's terrible!" Willy exclaims.

"I've been writing poems for months just romanticizing suicide as much as I possibly can," I cried.

"Do you want to go to a pride parade to cheer you up?"

"Nah fam."

****Time Skip****

I had the baby, and I automatically knew something was wrong. Well, I knew something was wrong after my dad threw a lamp at my face while I was giving birth. The nurses all thought my dad was being normal. Those nurses are going to be the reason I end it all in a fashionable style.

"Depression, there's something wrong! We have to get out of here!" Vincent yelled, grabbing me and the baby and sprinting out the hospital window.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"The baby," Vincent cried, "she have wolf ears!"

****Time Skip****

"Wait, how did this happen?" I asked.

"Depression," Vincent said, " I think you're a werewolf."

Just as he said that, a tail and ears start sprouting from my body painfully. They were black, like my soul.

"Lord bless the gays, you're a werewolf!" Willy said, popping up out of nowhere.

"Before this relationship continues, I have to ask, do you like Fall Out Boy?" Depression asked.

"Yeah, they're pretty good," Vincent said.

"How about Twenty One Pilots?" Depression asked.

"Um, don't they do Stressed Out or something?" Vincent asked.

"UM, I'M SORRY. IF YOU DON'T LIKE HOUSE OF GOLD, THEN WE CAN'T DATE. I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING PRICK. WHEN I GET HOME, I'M GONNA SLIT MY THROAT AND YOU'RE GONNA BE STUCK WITH THE BABY.

And that's exactly what I tried to do.

****Time Skip****

I wake up to a dusty hospital smell. I vaguely remember last night. Suddenly, my dad slaps me 1,820 times on the face. The nurse walks in and thinks nothing of it.

"Bitch, why did you try to kill yourself?"

"Um, my ex boyfriend didn't like Twenty One Pilots."

Suddenly, Willy walks in.

"Guys, this turned into an mpreg fic! I'M PREGNANT!"

"What the fuck, you gay ass motherfucker," the nurse exclaims.

"I don't know who the father is, because I'm a male stripper that does prostitution on the side, even though I'm 16," Willy said.

"I'm going to try and kill myself again. You know, for the aesthetic," I cried.

"LOL, no one will care," Becky yelled, barging into my hospital room.

Becky then proceeded to murder everyone, because Becky is love, and Becky is life.

THE END