TANTRIC (Book 3 of the Soundcrush Series)

Chapter 18: Hippie Chics Get Blind-Sided By Would-Be Boyfriends

It's time to find out what's up with Ash's "date." 

The song for this chapter is the song I imagine Leed sings to her at the end of the chapter...

Ashlynn

Before I even get to the cafe, I'm pretty sure this is a bad idea. I don't want to meet Theo. 

I want to be with Leed.

So much.

In every way.

I just want to it be good. So good.

Not just nice but slightly...falsifed...like with Cam. Not the completely fake, filthy performances with all the men that came after.

So I tell myself for the tenth time what Kat and Riley and my therapist have all been telling me. That maybe I should check out what Theo has to offer.

As awful and embarrassing and ridiculous as this is...maybe they are right. Maybe I need a sex coach. Someone to talk me through genuine, free, loose, fun, hot and loving sex that's good to give and good to get.

Because I have no clue about that.

Theo is a little different than I expected. I guess I thought a sex-coach would look...well, like a rock star. Magnetic and sexy. But he's only handsome in a mild, approachable way—short, nondescript brownish hair, compassionate eyes, a pleasant smile, typical So Cal clothes—skinny jeans, a t-shirt, a slim leather jacket.

He rises from the cafe table where he's waiting for me and shakes my hand. "Ashlynn, nice to meet you."

The first fifteen minutes or so, we just talk about general stuff—my childhood, my first boyfriend, my brain injury, my drug addiction and rehab, what I'm doing now with yoga and holistic training. He tells me a little bit about his method—which involves counseling, intimacy work like touching exercises, but obviously no making out or actual sex.

Then things get a little more difficult. He asks me about my partner and what issues we are having, and I feel the blush creeping as I explain that my "partner" is not actually my partner yet, but a guy who has been building up to having a relationship with me for about six months. I tell him that we've had some obstacles and now we are finally on the verge of dating. I tell him this guy is very sexual and also very sexy. I tell him that this man is not only hot as hell, but that he's kind and wise and can be amazingly tender. I tell him I've never been as attracted to any man as I am this man. I tell him that we've had a number of physical flirtations and that I get incredibly turned on by him. I tell him that I want to have sex with this guy and I want it to be amazing.

"Okay, and what makes you think it might not be amazing?" he probes.

"I'm bad at sex," I confess.

"What makes you think that?" he looks me over, and I know what he's thinking. A girl that looks like me doesn't usually have hang-ups when it comes to her body or her own sensuality.

"I've been with a lot of men," I say, watching my hands grip my tea. "I only loved one of them—my only real boyfriend. The others were arrangements. Men that I dated in order to share their lifestyle and their drugs. Most of them were attractive guys and on some level—at least in the beginning of the relationships—I was attracted to them. Almost all of them turned out to be manipulative and emotionally hurtful. One of them was...actually abusive, but even before that guy...I could never enjoy sex. Not with my boyfriend, or not with anyone."

Theo is quiet for a moment. "There's a difference between a psychologist and what I am—a certified sex coach. If you have sexual trauma, maybe you would be better off with a different kind of help."