I've lost almost everything...almost. I'm still alive, even though people I knew aren't. I've found a new place, found someone new to confide in.
I'm about to risk all that I have left for this mission I've put my mind to. Nothing will talk me out o...
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He knows he'll be hunted. The First Order will seek revenge for the murder of Supreme Leader Snoke.
For now, Ben Solo is not worried about some damn First Order. He wants to bury the woman who helped him see light. He wanted to give her thanks in the only way that he knew at this stage: he will provide her with a funeral pyre. He'd learnt about it when at the Academy.
He'd never thought he would have to make one for someone he knew and cared about.
Amara remains in the ship while Ben prepares her pyre. Each stack of wood that contributes towards the pyre makes his goodbye to her one more step final. He hates himself, for letting Snoke take advantage like that. How he just used Ben to cut through Amara...
He might as well have stabbed himself with his own lightsaber, the pain hurt so much.
Once the pyre is finished, Ben retrieves Amara's body. He almost can't do it, when he comes aboard the ship to get her. She went with her eyes closed. He'd felt her disappear through the Force as he started to head out with her. From there, he'd made a split decision that proved fatal if executed wrong.
He takes great care in lying her on the pyre. In death, she looks peaceful. She no longer suffers from the saber-inflicted wound. A wound that I made, he chastises himself bitterly.
There are many things Ben Solo regrets. His quick temperament. His weakness when it came to the Dark Side. But perhaps the biggest regret is not helping Amara finish her mission. In a way, she had accomplished it. Kylo Ren is no more, Ben Solo remains. They had made it off of Starkiller base, but only Ben still breathed.
Ben ignites his red saber, another haunting reminder of what it had done. He carefully touches the blade against the pyre, waiting for the spark to start. Once it does, the red shuts off, and the fire begins to form. He steps back as the fire rises.
Tears form in Ben's eyes as he watches Amara slowly burn. Smoke rises, dancing in the air. She will be at peace, now. She's saved me. I just wish I had saved her. Luke Skywalker had told Ben of the times he had seen Force ghosts of old Ben Kenobi back in his Jedi training days. Ben wonders if he will see Amara as a ghost.
He isn't sure if he can handle the sight. She will literally be a haunting reminder of what happened.
Ben clasps his hands behind his back. He doesn't want to let his anger ruin this farewell to his friend. Or, was Amara perhaps more than a friend? They hadn't really discussed it out loud to one another. And kissing certainly qualified them to be more than friends.
He is alone in this now. He isn't sure where to start. Can he go back to his parents? Should he? Would they take him back, even if he explained himself?
Amara would want me to go back to them. But does he really know that would be what she wanted for him, in the end? She never outright said it.
"You have changed me," Ben whispers to the pyre fire. "You've saved me. For that, I will be forever grateful. I will not waste this second chance. I will tell stories about the woman who saved me. I will let people know that I would not be here if it weren't for you." He pulls out his unlit saber. Careful to not burn himself, he lays it before the pyre. "I suppose I will not need that anymore, I will need a new one. New me, new lightsaber. I suppose I can go back to the old blue I used to have." His brown eyes go skyward. "I wish you still talked back to me, it's no fun to talk to myself."
But Amara never answers. She never rises from the fire, alive and well. She remains still as the flames lick at her, making her more with the Force than when she initially left her body.
I must start anew, for her. I must do this myself. She will help me, in some way. I know it.
Ben Solo dips his head, dreading the moment he will have to turn his back on his friend. Once he does, she will be gone, forever. Her eyes, her smart attitude, her brains...all of it will cease to exist.
