Who thought I'd fall this far again?
In my dreams I was picking daffodils in gardens and wandering the endless forests filled with nymphs with you and picking the grass out of your skin and the sun out of your hair. I felt as blessed as Aphrodite could have ever felt, to love and be loved— to bring love. I thought my blood was golden like Cupid's tiny arrow that pierced my heart long ago. I kept telling you I was worth my weight in gold, but would bleed for you in a heartbeat. You used to tell me I was your world, and if I was Gaia, you were Saturn. I believed it, for so long. I believed I was loved and blessed and the bright lights that seemed to tickle my skin with warmth all was thanks to you.
How I laugh now.
I should have known that flowers wilt and trees grow old and tired. I should know the Gods abandoned us long ago and took their blessings with them. I should know that the light was from the sun and not your kisses. And my blood was never gold, it was just rotting.
Now I know.
I am damned, I am cursed to run with demons and live with eternal regrets. No one will ever be close to me because I poison everyone I touch. Everything decays. My body is not mine to cherish and to let others adore. It is for living— for an empty soul in an empty shell to maybe find its way when it has repented for all of its vices.
