The Trial

Chapter 3 - Edited

Is this what they mean by life flashing before my eyes? It isn't much of a flash, is it? This is painfully slow and I refuse to have you stand in the way of my darkness.

I can feel the hairs from the gray on my tongue, but the tongue of my youth has grown numb to such things. All those horrific flavors are still there and I want to scrape away the very flesh to remove every last taste bud. There's better meals to come, but right now this is the only horror I know.

There's a reason that so much of this time has been lost to me, which is the lack of desire to recall events such as this. I want the mist to return and take me to the promised darkness. Even if the mist brings only endless gray, it would be an improvement over this nightmare.

The mist doesn't come and darkness doesn't cover my body. I'm still the child that I was and it's slowly driving me mad. I strain for some degree of control, but can't move so much as a single finger. Why can't this all just end and release me from this horror?

We thank the state for providing our food, but neither version's in a particularly grateful mood. There's excitement I don't recall ever feeling about the choosing and the wonder of the future. Was I really this naive to believe that hope could exist outside these gray walls? I'm almost ashamed to admit I was, but can't really blame myself for holding out for some sign of hope. The orphanage is a miserable place and hope is the only reason any child makes it through.

We're heading back to those hard benches and my eyes refuse to look up at the black figures waving with menace over my head. It's the image of blood and sharp teeth that appears in my mind to remind me I'm still not free of this place. The choosing is coming, but I must remain on guard until after I become a citizen.

I've no interest in even bothering to attempt to correct my younger self. It's far better to believe the danger is limited to this wretched place, then to give myself even the slightest hint of the darkness that lies beyond the gray walls. Let myself hold onto the hope a little longer and believe there's an end to the madness of the state.

I reach the hard bench when my eyes find my number and feel the cold metal send a chill through my body. It isn't easy for me to fight the chill, but I've become somewhat of a master at such necessities. Showing discomfort of any kind leads to punishment and I'm too close to the choosing to risk having citizen removed from my future.

I'm looking over towards the teachers, even the fat one who looks far too hungry right now. It isn't any of them calling my eyes in their direction, but the two in black sitting between them. I'm even more excited, since they must be the long-awaited choosers to free me from this place.

One of those who wears the black is thin, but not like citizen teacher seven. His face isn't hanging off of his head like hers, but his eyes share the dullness in their brown eyes. The other has more meat on her bones, but not like citizen teacher twelve. There's no look of hunger in her eyes when she bothers to look over in our direction at all. Her eyes are green and lifeless, but at least it's a different color than the other adults I've seen.