Ambivalent • DazaixReaderxChūya

10. A Drink

"When I said I'd see you tomorrow, I didn't mean for you to put yourself back in here" Chūya says to you with a shake of his head.

You're sitting back in the infirmary, your leg was stitched up as soon as you got there and was now wrapped in heavy bandages. They had said there was a risk of infection, but other than that you were fine thanks to Akutagawa's Rashomon. Chūya had just returned from an executive's meeting about today's incident to make sure you were ok, but he made it seem like he was there to solely tease you.

"I seem to be prone to accidents lately" you reply with a shrug, slowly getting off the bed and testing out your injured leg. It seemed fine to hold your weight, so you stayed standing, looking towards Chūya.

"I think you're stressing me out more than my usual job" he chuckles, catching his reflection in a mirror and fixing his hat before turning to you with playful exasperation.

"Because I'm your responsibility?" You ask, crossing your arms with a raised eyebrow.

Chūya looks you over with a pause before responding.

"Obviously".

You weren't sure why that answer bothered you so much if all you had asked for from the beginning was distance, but all you do in respond with a sigh.

"You always do the same thing" Chūya says abruptly with a bit of irritation, the previously playful tone gone.

Not expecting him to say anything else, you cock your head in confusion, unsure what he was no accusing you of.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean?!" He asks incredulously like he can't believe what you're asking.

"I have helped you more than anyone in here has. I've trained you but I've been careful, you could even say sympathetic. I didn't even punish you for walking out in the middle of a mission, but all you treat me like is a piece of shit. I am your executive, you could at least show gratitude or respect; Don't just ignore me!" Chūya starts arguing with you, his blue-grey eyes meeting yours without fear.

"You enjoy knowing you're better than I am, and like you've said, I'm just your responsibility...for now. I'm grateful but It's not like you actually care. If all you want is a thank you, then thank you, Chūya Nakahara. Happy?" You argue back, your hurt from your previous conversations giving way through your tone of voice.

Your uncalled for resentment only displeases him further, his eyes lighting up like wildfire.

"I care about what happens to you, I'm not fucking heartless. I've spent more than 2 weeks being with you for most of the day every day, other than when I'm out on jobs you aren't qualified for yet. If you don't want to be called my responsibility so much, then maybe start acting like you want to be more than that!" Chūya raises his voice, his gloved hands curled up in a fist.

"I-" you freeze, the red-heads hostile demeanour towards you was something completely new to you. You don't know why he was so frustrated, since from the first time he saw you, it's been a game of aloofness.

Chūya moves forwards towards you, his angry look not fading. Soon he is so close to you, you feel your brain malfunction, a blush appearing on your cheeks.

"Walk away now. I dare you" he demands with a hushed voice, and you hold your breath, unmoving.

You don't know how long it is before either of you move again. It felt like the world had stopped for the both of you. Chūya is the first to break the silence.

"I need some wine" he groans after he's stepped away from you, and you watch him walk away, leaving you in a stunned silence.

I want to go after you right now, I want to apologize and really thank you. You give me a sense of safety that I don't get. Do you even hear yourself? Do you really care?

-❦-

You don't actually know how you got from the Port Mafia building to the closest bar down the dark street, because after your argument with Chūya, everything seemed like a blur. You recall going to your room and changing into a dark loose dress, leaving the necklace Chūya had given you down on your bedside table, despite you wearing it all the time. You hair was down and freshly brushed, and a new trench coat had been laying on your bed since you last one got covered in blood. You also recall being so confused with what you've been feeling lately that you decided to take Chūya's example and get a drink.

Currently, you were sitting at a small bar, dimmed yellow lights illuminating your surroundings, people were chatting away all around you. Some men tried to approach you, but you refused to let them buy you more than a drink, insisting you had to move on, because by the time late night arrived, you had one too many and found yourself pleasantly disoriented. At least, it was pleasant in the moment.

After a while, you catch a familiar figure in the distance walking towards you. You try to concentrate on who it is, but you can't tell until they sit right next to you and speak.

"You forgot about the meeting with me you planned through Atsushi after tea on rice. But lady luck's on you side, [f/n], because I'll forgive you this time."

The voice, the fluffy brown hair, the beige trench coat. It all clicks in your mind almost instantly.

"Dazai!" You gasp over-dramatically, and Dazai gives you a smile from the side with a slight tilt to his head.

"Y'know I don't really do bars anymore, but after you stood me up and I saw you here, I just couldn't keep you out of my mind." Dazai jokingly flirts, noticing you are way past tipsy.

You blush and hit him gently, the movement causing you to almost fall backwards until one of Dazai's bandaged hands catch you and pulls you forward.

"Dazai...I think I wanted to talk to you about what's happened, but now I don't feel great." You pause, your words slurred but still clear enough for Dazai to understand you clearly. "I almost exploded today." You whisper too loudly for it to be an actual whisper.

Dazai's smile flickers as his eyes now show concern for what you've gotten yourself into.

"But you're ok? Even though you're...with the Port Mafia? I can't change your mind?" He asks, confirming what you knew he already suspected.

Flashes of Akutagawa yelling at you, Mori saying anything possible for you to stay, and Chūya's angry look all make you frown, because mixed in those memories are the feelings of power and safety. You aren't sure what to say to Dazai, so you just turn away from him for a seconds, to show you weren't interested in answering that question.

"I need another drink" you say, putting your hand up to get the bartender's attention until Dazai stands up and pulls it down.

"How about I take you home instead?" He offers kindly, taking both of your hands in his.

Your frown deepens, and Dazai's concern grows.

"Mori took away my house. My home is the Port Mafia now." You tell Dazai, leaning into his touch, basically off your seat by now.

"Oh...well I can't exactly take you there now...and as a gentleman I can't possibly leave a pretty lady like you in this state alone..." Dazai contemplates his options, an amused smile tugging at his lips once he reaches a conclusion.

"I guess you're just going to have to come and stay with me!"