heartbreaks as types of pain:
the headache: your mother doesn't let you take a day off school for this one. sometimes it's like it's not even there. sometimes it's nails digging into the back of your skull. sometimes it's classroom nausea and spinning. it doesn't stay still, moves to your eyes, to your face and the sides of your head. it keeps you up some nights, the nag of it all, the weight of it all. when it's gone you don't even notice.
the flu: this one keeps you in bed for a week. you think your lungs forgot how to breathe. you feel him with his hands around your neck. feel the throb of it in your palms and your face. you stop eating because he sits at the bottom of your stomach. because your throat aches with the taste of him. this one turns you ice cold, makes you forget what warmth felt like.
the open wound: you can't stop picking at it. the blood sticks to all your favourite shirts, turns them dark red and warm. it stings when he touches you, stings when he tries to hold you, stings when he tries to kiss you. it stings when you try to sleep. your mother tells you to see a doctor, tells you to cover it up. you say this hurt makes it real.
the broken knee: this one leaves a bruise. leaves you on crutches for months. it aches when you move, when you try to run. you carry it around with you like another limb, like he never even left. the pain of it is fresh, like the moment of impact, like the first fall.
[ song ; love is more depressing than depression - prxz ft. shiloh dynasty ]
