I Lost Control

21. Drive

"Mama! Where are you?" Landon calls out as I sit with my legs folded to my chest, knees just under my chin under the wooden play set in Brian's backyard. I try to shrink, but I'm just too tall for the child sized space. "Mama, you silly, I can see your foot!" A giggle escapes my lips as I try to climb out, clearly spotted by my son.

"I'm not so good at this game kid, but you're one awesome seeker! Your turn. Go hide!" My knees are covered in sand by the time I wiggle all the way out and stand on my own two feet and I'm a little out of breath. The game of hide and seek has been going on for quite a while now, and finding the twins is my mission. Wherever they've hidden, it's a prime spot.

"Oh twins!" I call out. "Auntie Sum is coming for you!" I begin counting to twenty-seven, which is the dictated number Max said we had to count to. I uncover my eyes and look around the backyard and am surprised by Brian who is standing just outside the backroom door, his arms crossed with a smile on his face.

"They convinced you to play, huh?"

"Yeah, the twins are good at this." My eyes d an the backyard for any sign of movement. "I thought you had to work late to get ready for that party?"

"You'll be lucky if you ever find them. My assistant can handle the rest of the arrangements. Going over the guest list and catering menus were the only things left to do so I thought I'd come hang out with you guys." An unconscious smile forms on my lips, but I quickly turn my head away to scan the backyard once again before he notices. "You're still going to come, right?"

"I'm suppose to meet your girlfriend. With all this Matt stuff going on it slipped my mind."

"Actually, I asked her if it was okay to post pone her meeting you for the same reasons." He says as he comes over to me.

"Oh, so you want to go together?" There's hesitance in my voice as I think about me going as his date.

"Yeah, if that doesn't make you uncomfortable."

"I'd have to talk to Matt about it. I don't know if he will think it's okay." Brian takes another step forward and brushes a finger across my cheek. I close my eyes at his touch and when I open them he's smiling. I shouldn't be letting him get away with this. I shouldn't be having these feelings towards him, but it all feels so right.

"Do you really think he would consider your feelings if it were him?" Brian whispers after a moment of silence. I don't respond, just keep my gaze locked on his chocolate brown orbs. His eyes leave mine to scan the backyard, to see if the boys are around, and leans in without warning to brush a soft kiss across my lips that leaves me breathless.

"Brian." I whisper out. His hand finds its way to the back of my neck and he forces a deep kiss which I can't refuse. My hands find his waist as he holds my face with one hand and my neck with the other. "Brian." I say again with a little more confidence as I press my hands to his chest and give him a soft push.

"Stop fighting me."

"We are both in relationships. Mine rather serious. How would your girlfriend feel if she knew you were kissing other women?"

"I really don't care, Sum. Don't you get that? I want you."

"We can't. You and I both know that this isn't okay." I take a few steps back and let out a deep breath.

"You're serious? After everything he's put you through?" I ignore his words as I push past him and head into the house. I slam the door behind me and close my eyes to gather my thoughts. Id walked away not because I was afraid of the fight our conversation could cause, but because I was afraid that maybe I didn't believe the words I had said.

++

"Matt? Are you home?" I call out as I open the garage door that leads into the kitchen. The house is dark and quiet, which unnerves me because of the last time I came here and found him laying on the bathroom floor close to death.

The only reply is the sound of music faintly coming from the basement door and I head down to find him. Once I'm down there I see him sitting on the weight bench staring at himself in the mirror. His body is slick with sweat and he's shirtless. I have to shake my head to clear it before speaking.

"Hey." He stares at me through the mirror without speaking. His gaze is intense and I don't know what to expect. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." I clasp my hands together in front of me and step closer to him. Matt stands and faces me, his arms crossed over his chest in an almost defensive manor.

"Landon has been asking about you."

"So, why didn't you bring him?" I brush my hair back from my face and bite my bottom lip.

"I— The last time—"

"That's not going to happen again." Matt cuts me off before I can finish. "I promised you that."

"Things change."

"Yeah, you're right about that." His tone is sarcastic and I know that I'm not dealing with my Matt, today.

"What does that mean?"

"You changed."

"How? I'm trying to hold us together, meanwhile you're tearing us apart." He uncrosses his arms and turns away from me. He starts pulling weights off the machine and adding others.

"I assume you came here for something so just get to it, already."

"Jesus Christ." I whisper out to myself as I sit down on one of the steps and rest my elbows on my knees.

"Just say what you need to and go."

"Fine. I came here to tell you that I'm going with Brian to his firms party as his guest. It's not a date, it's just not the right time for us to meet his girlfriend so he asked me to go instead." I can feel my heart rate increase as I speak the words. I'd come here planning to ask how he felt about it, but his attitude has caused me to grow courage and stand up to him for once.

"You've got to be fucking joking." He stops what he's doing to stare at me once more.

"I'm not."

"Don't you see what he's doing?" I see anger creeping through him as his hands ball into fists and his shoulders square.

"He's being a friend to me, Matt, and a pretty damn good friend to you. At least he's trying to."

"No, he's trying to keep you for himself. He's fucking jealous and he's going to manipulate you."

"That's ridiculous."

"Brian has always been jealous of everything I've ever had. He was jealous of my marriage with Val so he started dating her sister, Summer. When Michelle left him and the kids, he was crushed. Now he sees me happy with you and wants to ruin it."

"I think you're thinking too much into it. Brian is just my friend, Matt. He wants to help us."

"Bullshit. He wants me out of the picture so he can have you to himself!" Matt throws one of the weights and it crashes against the mirror, shattering glass everywhere. I jump up from my spot on the stairs and begin backing up one step at a time.

"You need to relax." I tell him with fear in my voice.

"And you need to come home!"

"I'll be home the day you get yourself together, until then, you can stay here alone." My voice wavers as I turn around and almost bolt up the stairs, afraid of what he might do next. I rush out to my car and drive the familiar streets but don't know exactly where to go. Brian's means confrontation and feelings I don't want to accept. Turning around means going back to Matt who is so lost I don't know if we will ever be okay again.

So I just drive.