I Lost Control

17. Hardwood Floors

SUMMER

My eyes shoot open at the sound of pounding on the front door. I stay still, not wanting to wake the sleeping five year old draped across my chest and the twins sleeping on the floor in front of the couch on their sleeping bags. We had decided to camp out in the living room for a nap after a few hours of playing outside. Footsteps are heard coming down the stairs and I assume Brian knows I'm in no position to stand and open the door.

"Open this fucking door, Brian! I know she's in there!" My heart stops in my chest as the pounding continues and the kids begin to stir. I look down at Landon and his eyes are open, staring at the front door with a sadness in his eyes.

"Daddy is mad." He whispers without looking at me.

"It's okay, baby." I lift him up enough to stand and cover him up with the blanket we had been sharing. "Close your eyes. I'll be back in just a minute. I come around the corner into the entry at the same time as Brian and his expression is full of irritation.

"I've got it." I say to him while reaching for the dead bolt.

"No. He doesn't get to show up here and act like this in front of the kids."

"Bria—"

"No." Brian swings the door open and there Matt stands, a raging mess. His white dress shirt has been unbuttoned at the neck and the tie that had looked so neat earlier is loosened and hanging like it doesn't belong there.

"What are you doing, Matt?" Brian asks in an exasperated tone.

"She's here." Matt doesn't even look at Brian, just past him at me as I stand there with my arms crossed and head down. His tone goes from outraged to devastated. "Why are you always fucking here?" He runs his hands through his hair and pulls on the roots like he's trying to rip it from his head.

"You need to go." Brian says to Matt with a firm tone. "Just go home and relax."

"How the fuck am I suppose to do that when my family is with you, Brian?"

"They're here because you're being an idiot, so go home, get your shit together, and then come back when you can keep it together."

"Who do you think you are?" Matt takes a step towards Brian and my breath catches in my throat. I can see Matt clenching his fists and Brian squares his shoulders.

"Don't do this." I whisper out. I can sense a fight coming and I can't bear the thought of it.

"This is my family, Brian. Not yours. Your girl left you, remember? You can't replace her with my girlfriend and my kid."

"Matt!" I scold him while taking a step forward myself.

"Stay out of it, Summer. He chose to come between us." There's a deafening silence as the two men stare at each other.

"You came between us." I whisper out, not able to look at him directly.

"Daddy?" I hear an innocent voice call out and I turn to see Landon standing in the entry, his eyes sleepy and his bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

Matt crouches down and holds his arms out to the boy, all signs of the unhinged Matt gone. Brian lets out a sigh, visibly relaxing just a little. I take a few steps towards my son as Landon starts walking towards Matt, so I take his little hand in mine to stop him from going any further. Matt's face falls and my heart breaks.

"What are you doing?" Matt's voice is full of disbelief and my chest feels like it's caving in.

"You can't do this, not around Landon."

"You can't keep him from me, Summer, that's not fair."

"You're not being fair." Brian crosses his arms over his chest and watches the conversation, still on guard but a little less so.

"Landon, why don't you come upstairs with me?" Brian asks the five year old and he thinks for a second before toddling over to Brian. The two of them leave up the stairs and Matt resumes his standing position.

"What are you doing?" Matt asks again.

"We can't keep going on like this. I can't do it."

"What does that even mean?" I'm silent for a moment before answering.

"It means I think we need some time to really think about this."

"You want a break? Or you want to break up? Summer, you can't do this to me. You're all I've got. You and Landon are the only reason I can get up every day." Tears start to burn my eyes and I can't stop them from falling. I'm so sick of crying.

"I love you, Matt but we are so bad for each other." I wipe the tears away and inhale sharply. "We can't keep doing this. We can't keep ending up here."

"Can't you see that I'm trying?"

"I saw that you wanted to hit me earlier. I saw it in your eyes and it was the first time I've ever been afraid of you." His face falls and his mouth opens like there's something he wants to say but can't.

"I wouldn't. I would never lay a hand on you."

"You wouldn't, but whatever darkness you have inside you would."

"What can I do to fix this?" His voice is full of desperation and it crushes every piece of my heart.

"Give us time." My answer is simple, but I know for him it will feel impossible.

"How much time?" His voice is low, pleading.

"Let's start with a few days." Matt is quiet for a moment as he takes in the reality of our situation.

"You're going to stay here, with Brian?"

"If he says it's okay." I shrug, not having thought too much about any permanent plans.

"Why don't you let me get a room at the hotel in town and you can have it to yourself."

"I'm fine with staying here, Matt. If Brian decides he doesn't want us to then I will let you know."

"You can't stay here with him!" Angry Matt is back, his hand hits the door frame and I jump.

"Just go, Matt, before I change my mind." I go to shut the door as he reaches to put his hand in the way.

"Please, don't give up on me." He begs and I can't imagine how he feels inside. His emotions are always all over the road, but I'm seeing every single one of them displayed all at once and it's heart breaking knowing he can't control any of them.

I reach out and brush my fingers across his face before closing the gap between us and kissing him. His arms lock around me like a vice, his lips claim mine in a passionate kiss, and I have to pry myself out of his grip even though I don't want to. Tears begin to flow as I shove him away at the same time I swing the door closed and I find myself for the second time today on the hardwood floor in Brian's entry way, unable to stop the emotion coursing through me.