I Lost Control

15. Confessions

SUMMER

I throw my hair into a messy bun on top of my head as I give myself a look over in the mirror before walking to Landon's room like I'm on a mission.

"Shoes on, kid. Make it snappy." I snap my fingers at him twice with a smile as he sticks his tongue out at me in response.

"Mama, where are my converse?" He asks as he walks around the room at turtle speed.

"Landon, honey, I don't know. Uncle Brian is expecting us in fifteen minutes, please just put on whatever you can find."

"But mom, I want those!" I go to exit the room, but turn back around and give him a stern look. His face turns pouty as he stomps off dramatically to his closet to grab a pair.

Meanwhile, I speed off down the stairs to make sure I have everything important that Landon has to have for the next few days packed away in a backpack for easier access than a suitcase. I search around for Sonny's leash before walking to the back door to call for him. The golden ball of fur comes sprinting in the house and gets even more excited when he sees the leash in my hand.

"Landon! Downstairs now!" I shout back up the stairs and I hear the sound of his feet on the hardwood of the hallway.

"Coming, mama! Just gotta grab a shirt!" I cock my eyebrow to myself, not sure what he means by that. I'd already packed all of the things he needs. I grab my keys off the counter and slip my sunglasses onto my face before grabbing Landon's backpack. Matt had made sure to wake up early to get Landon's clothes and other things together and in the car before he left for a half day at the office.

Landon comes running down the stairs carrying a sweatshirt much too big to be one of his own.

"Watcha got there?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. .

"One of dad's shirts, mama."

"Oh yeah? What for?"

"Just in case." The blonde boy gives me a silly smile and hops down from the last step and takes off out the front door. My heart swells in my chest knowing Landon loves Matt as his father and I wish things could be easier for the sweet five year old.

•••

"Where's he taking you?" Brian asks as he takes the suitcase from my hands as well as the backpack.

"He hasn't told me, yet. He was suppose to make all the arrangements at work this morning."

"Hopefully somewhere nice. He's got a lot of making up to do." I roll my eyes at him.

"Oh, stop."

"I'm serious. Have you forgotten the last three years?"

"Of course not, but he's trying, Bri. I can see it."

"A few good days don't make up for all of the bad." I turn away from him and let out a huff.

"Just stop it. Please." Brian grabs my wrist and turns me back around.

"Would you please just listen to me for once, Summer." I look him in the eyes, my eyebrows furrowed.

"What are you doing?" I ask him while glancing down at his hand gripping my arm.

"He's going to hurt you. I know you think things are getting better, but I have known him all my life. I've never seen him so bad." I rip my arm away from him and take a step back, but he takes a step forward.
"You can hide behind your love for him all you want, but he's losing it and he's going to take you down with him. Is that really what you want? Do you think one trip away is going to fix him?"

"He's your best friend, Brian. Can't you pretend to care about him for five minutes? Jesus, we do this every time I see you these days and I can't. I can't do it."

"You're fucking blind." Brian throws his hands up in the air and and steps away to create some space between us. "If you hadn't showed up here and changed everything I wouldn't even still be here." I'm silent for a moment as I take in what he said. I have no idea what it means and it makes my heart rate increase.

"What does that mean?" I can't bring myself to look him in the eyes. His stare is intense.

"I was offered a job in Phoenix last year. One of their law firms was going through some changes and they thought I would be a good fit to lead it."

"So why didn't you go?"

"Because of you." He looks away from me, the confidence gone from his body and voice. Brian turns away from me and heads into the kitchen where there's a large sliding glass door. Outside, the boys are running around with Sonny, who Brian is also watching. I take a moment to process before storming into the kitchen. Rage blooms across my chest and it's like something I can't even control.

"What the fuck, Brian." The man in front of me doesn't move. His eyes never leave the glass door and my chest feels tight.

"I think it happened that day we were at the beach. I think that's when I figured it out, anyway." My body goes still as I listen to him talk. Not once does he turn around. "You know the day, the one when Rider was sitting in the water and he got too far out and couldn't swim, yet. His head went under and you were the first person to reach him. You were so afraid for him and I saw that in your face." He lets out a deep sigh.

"After you handed him over to me you sat down on the towel and I saw the tears on your face and I think that's when I knew. You were some kind of amazing and I didn't know how to even begin processing those feelings. That's when I started to hate Matt. I resented him for everything he was. I hated him because he had this perfect woman so in love with him and he talked to you some days like you were trash."

My mind is numb as I try to process what he's trying to tell me. I let out a shaky breath as my eyes drop to the floor.

"Brian—" No words come to mind. Nothing I say can fix this. "I love him." I whisper as I glance back up at him. He's facing me now, his expression solemn.

"And I love you. So who's really losing here?"