Dear Emma,
My gorgeous beautiful Swan. How am I even alive? I should be dead, honestly I don't know how I'm surviving without you Em, I don't know how it's been 375 days and I'm still here, my emotions, surely, they should have killed me already.
How do I wake up everyday? How do I pull myself of the sofa and walk past you and get changed then come and sit with you everyday? How do I sit there and hold your hand when I know that your not going to hold it back? How do I do that? How do I last just looking at you instead of embracing you with open arms? How do I live without the sweet sound of your voice or your childish giggle? How do I survive in general?
I don't have enough things to count on my one hand as to why I'm still surviving every day except from my promise to you. Staying strong. How do people stay strong when the person they are staying strong for doesn't even know? How do they do that? I need answers because I'm struggling. I don't want to flourish my lack of hope on you Emma, but I don't want to say this all out loud, for the fear of exploding with emotions.
If I say this out loud people will assume that this is the end of me, and although it nearly is Em, I'm not giving up. I'm a survivor Emma. I don't need to remind you of that. As your reading these with me, you'll have as much of a reminder as you need, of me sitting next to you as you cry into me. That's what I'm working for, that's what I'm surviving for, and that's what all these roses from your mother and father are here to show me, show us, I'll keep surviving and pushing on as long as you carry on aswell.
I'm never ever going to stop my love, I'm broken, and I'll admit that. But you have to be broken so light can shine through. So, here I'll wait until the light shines through and gets back to us, so we can live through the brightest of days together, instead of all these dull stormy days at sea we have to live up to. I'll keep steering the boat for the both of us and fighting through the storm and the broken pieces, so one day, one day when we are together, the light can pass through and that shows more than our cracks, scars and broken pieces. Em, I promise, that one day will come, it'll come for the both us Swan, if we keep battling this raging storm.
It's so hard, God it's hard, to see you every day and I don't know how I'm surviving, but no matter what I say and or how bad it gets, I'm doing it for you. I always try and hide my tears from everyone but these days, I can't. Everything is killing me and nothing is going right. I can't hide my emotions and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I'm not ashamed, but I'm afraid that someone is going to judge the pirate who has given up on everything and can't keep ahold of their tears, who's giving up each day. I'm so sorry Emma.
Today, Regina came and after this long, Henry came to visit. It's been so long since I've let him come and visit you and today was the day I did it. I hope your proud. I hope that your really proud that I managed to do it, I managed to let him come and see you, even if and even though I know that your not any better.
He came and said hello, talked to you, asked you how you were doing and I watched, my hand on his back, I watched as the tears formed in his eyes, and God, how it hurt me. Our son's been through so much and he's fought so many battles, just like you, and he's still standing, just like the both of you. I'm so proud of him. He's still standing and he's still the young lad he's always been, amazing in school, great in class and still has the highest grades. He's doing so well. Our son is so smart, amazing, handsome and the greatest he could ever be and I'm so proud. I can't say it enough, he's amazing.
He hides that broken side of him so well, and pushes that behind him, so he can be the best he can ever be. Then, I had to tell him. I had to tell him about your stomach cancer, and I knew it was going to kill him but he had to know. So I did it. I knew that he was going to be sad about it, it didn't surprise me when he was, but he understood.
He understood why I hid it from him, he understood it. He told me, word for word, that I was being a good Dad. He understood why I didn't tell him and kept him in the blue for all this time. He understood it was for him and I'm glad he did. I'm so glad. He understands that everything was for him, everything was for his benefit.
Then, after all of this, just before he was about to go, he left me with his prized possession, his storybook. He said he didn't need it because everything he needed was right in front of him. Everything that our son needs is with us, and to do that property Em, I need you with me, I need you by my side, I need you with me so we can raise our son.
I'm waiting for you, it doesn't matter how long or how far, I'll be waiting. One day, one day, the best day of my life in forever, we will be together and raising Henry, starting our own family.
Until then,
I love you Emma Swan.
Love Killian.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Emma, Love Killian. |COMPLETED|
FanfictionAfter The Love Of His Life Is Put Into A Coma He Is Told They Don't Know When She Will Wake Up. Every Day Of Her Coma He Sticks By Her And Writes These Letters. He Doesn't Know How Long, When, Or If She Will Wake, But He Keeps Going. He Keeps Writi...
