Lust

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 Dear bad boy,

 Do I own you anything? I let you treat me like nothing all this time because I thought this is what I deserve. I blame myself all the time saying in my mind that you have no guilt, that I do this to myself. Somehow I realize that you still had to choose, you had to choose if you will take advantage of me and my weak mind. Does that turn you on, my insecurity, my sadness, does that do something to you? Do you have some sadistic fetish with hopeless girls? Do you want me to cry when we fuck, it's that sexy in your mind. I guess you have a boner every time you see me losing it and start crying. But it's just my fault, no? I know who you were and what to expect but I just still fall for it so my fault for let in you taking advantage of me.I'm not stupid I knew that there will be no love, I didn't search for that, I don't regret it either but I just feel like you could try to at least make me feel more than just a sexual object. You could do it but you didn't because you loved the idea that I knew that this is all I am. You wanted to know that I fell like nothing because that fed your ego, knowing that I just stay there letting you do whatever you want to me. But I am the slut this what you told everyone I just enjoy so much to treat me like nothing, don't I. When all I wanted was I way to forget all the things that kill me every day and for that 3 min in you arms it felt like it but now I just have more stuff that kills me. I don't own you anything. You knew who I was and what I was looking for, I told you so many times before that I may fall in love with you but always say that's OK , that I can just fall into your arms and cry. We both knew that that's not true. You never wanted to make me feel better about myself. You never wanted anything for me more than sex but know you say you miss me that you miss my body that you think about me all the time that I own you for being there for me when I need it You piece of shit. I love you but you should go fuck yourself. 

                                                                                                                                               With love, your sad girl

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