Best-Case Scenario

Chapter Twenty-Six

"You promised me gossip. When are you going to spill?" Seth asks breaking my meditative feelings. I bring myself to the conversation at hand.

I think for a moment trying to pick at a thread where it feels right to begin. The meteor shower night? Maybe but I feel like it's been going on too long before that to start there. "How about you ask questions. I don't think I can get it all out at once. I don't even know where to start."

He shivers next to me then shoves his hands in his coat pockets. "Okay. How are you and Finn?"

I look at him to see if he's joking, but he's not. His eyes are as sleepy looking as ever but he isn't smiling.

"That's a rough question. I guess not great? I don't know. He's been on the phone a lot doing college stuff. We've been talking about going, well, all the way?"

Seth lets out a loud laugh and I cringe. "Sorry, sorry. But all the way? Are you in middle school?"

"Fine!" I laugh too. "We've been talking about having sex. We had plans for New Year's Eve but with the snow storm, that fell through. It's come up once or twice since then but the last time we almost did and I didn't feel like me. I don't know how to explain it."

"You didn't know what you were doing? Did it feel forced?"

"Not exactly," I shift my shoulders and feel incredibly uncomfortable telling Seth about this. "I've never had a big block in my head when it's come to sleeping with someone. I never have but only because the opportunity never came up. Now I have the opportunity. I'm not afraid of losing my virginity or whatever. It's more like I feel like I'm lying to him. Not just about the bisexual thing," I say quickly at his raised eyebrows. "That I could deal with. It's a part of me and sure I want to tell him about it someday but I don't feel guilty keeping that to myself. I'm not ready. It's the Kali part."

He stops, kicking one foot back and forth. "Can we sit down?"

I feel nervous all of a sudden and look around. The path is deserted and I can only hear cars from the nearby highway. "Yeah, I guess."

We walk over to a bench facing the lake. He turns to look at me and I do the same, bringing my knees up under my chin to give him all of my attention.

Seth's eyes are on mine, but I don't know what else to say. Instead, I chew on my lip and then he opens his mouth. "That was the first question I was going to ask but I thought I'd start with something lighter." I laugh, but it's more of a choke. I'm on the verge of tears again. "You're still into her."

I nod. I consider leaving it at that but instead, I tell the truth. "Into her might be an understatement."

"Really." He doesn't look like he's being sarcastic. He has genuine surprise on his face. "Like how much of an understatement?"

I can't keep the eye contact. I look over his shoulder and try to form my thoughts and worries into words. "I don't know if she even feels the same way. Why be stuck on her if it's going to make our friendship fall apart?"

I am honestly feeling worse every second we talk about this. I'm tempted to ask Seth if we can go home, but I know he would be disappointed and I would be too. What am I going to do? Go home and feel miserable like I do every other night?

He watches me and I meet his eyes. "Worst-case scenario time."

I groan. "We have to do it," he says.

"Fine."

He grins. Seth is the only one who enjoyed this game and while I would do it for Kali, I never liked being on the receiving end. "But first, we have to establish the understatement thing. Really Teagan."