Disarray

28

Tae's POV

The world around me felt so different as I adjusted to two big changes in my life. The addition of one person and the longing for another. 

Jennie was around a lot. She made me happy in a way that uplifted my spirits, but didn't quite fill the hole that Namjoon had left.

I was happy that I didn't have to compromise between being intimate with Jimin and Yoongi or with Jennie. I didn't tell her exact reasons for why we couldn't be more than friends, and she didn't question it. We were happy with what we had, and that was enough. I needed her understanding and her kind smiles now more than ever. 

I had just spend my entire Saturday morning with her. We did some homework together and then ate something before she had to go. Her family was coming over to visit and I had other assignments anyway, so we parted ways with a kiss and a hug. 

I paid attention to my surroundings as I walked from the library to the dorms. There was a three guys walking together, talking about their dinner plans. A girl who rushed past me was on the phone with someone. She sounded upset. A couple walking opposite of me were smiling at each other. He complimented her outfit. 

I didn't put my earphones on and instead let their noise fill my ears as I got on the elevator. There was an assortment of people on it, all in their own world. And I tried not to get too lost in it all, but I almost missed it when the elevator stopped on my floor because I was listening to two guys talk about some internship they were doing. It reminded me of the fact that I had yet to join any of the organizations that I'd told myself I'd join so I had something to write on my resume when I applied for med school. I quickly pushed that thought aside though because I couldn't handle any more stress. 

I made my way to the familiar hallway to get to my dorm. I heard footsteps behind me along with music coming off from one of the rooms. It was too loud for it being the middle of the day.

I pulled my phone out when I got a message from Jimin asking me if I was coming back to the dorms. He was in my room with Yoongi and they were going to watch a movie. I didn't get answer him before a tap on my shoulder made me put my phone down and turn my head to the side. 

More than anything, I was shocked to see who it was. Then I felt warmth before it was replaced by a bitter feeling. 

"Tae," he spoke through the silence. "Can we talk?" I furrowed my eyebrows at him with disbelief. "I know," he quickly said when he saw my expression. "I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but if you'd please give me a few minutes of your time Tae..."

I stayed quiet because I wasn't sure what I should say. A few weeks ago I would have lived for this moment, but right now I was just feeling slightly pissed. 

I thought back to the text from Jimin. If I told Namjoon to fuck off, I could join them and avoid whatever lay ahead. And then even if I'd miss out on a chance to talk with Namjoon, I'd still get to spend time with my best friends. I considered it for a while, and the look I saw on Namjoon's face when I glanced at him told me that he wouldn't try to stop me.

But still, I wanted answers more than I wanted the assured comfort. So I looked at Namjoon and nodded slowly, wordlessly walking to his room. Jimin wouldn't be there so we could talk privately. He caught up to me and unlocked the door, letting me in before closing the door behind him. 

I hadn't been inside here in a while. There was a mess of blankets on Jimin's bed and clothes on his desk. On Namjoon's side there were notebooks and books everywhere with pens and highlighters scattered everywhere.