Duyên || Clint Barton

024 || acceptance

•••

"Fuck"
A pounding in my head was the first thing I noticed, my eyes scrunching up in protest.
"Clint?"
My voice came out croaky, my dry throat constricting uncomfortably at the movement. The next thing I felt was a warm hand on top of mine.
"He's not here"
That wasn't Clint.

I sat up in a panic, scrambling away from the comforting touch as I tried to think properly. Where was I?
"Grace - Grace it's me"
Squinting at the figure in front of me, I noticed a familiar blonde, some red growing in from her roots again.
"Nat? What are you - what are you doing here? Where's Clint? Is he - is he okay?"
"He told me to come find you, he wasn't there when we got there" she explained slowly, a small frown on her face as she watched my movements, jittery and defensive.
"He wouldn't -"
I hit my temples as I tried to remember what had happened a few hours prior, my mind pulling up blank.
"Wait - why would he call you?"
"What do you mean?" Nat asked, hurt coming through in her voice.
"You didn't tell us! Nobody told us! We could've helped - would've helped - but no one said anything! They just disappeared in front of us - all of them - and we couldn't do a fucking thing about it Nat!"
"Grace-"
"I didn't know what - I looked up and they were just gone -"
My anger quickly turned to sadness as a sob escaped my throat, my arms wrenching Nat into a tight embrace.
"We were in radio silence from everyone - we hadn't seen the twins in months and now they're gone too - I thought - we thought -"
Natasha said nothing, knowing her voice would crack if she did, instead resting her hand comfortingly on the back of my neck as I cried into her chest. My hands held her top like a lifeline.
"You're the only family I have left Nat. They've all left me. They're all gone"
"Is she awake?" The voice trailed off, obviously noticing me. I lifted my head up to look at the new person, my eyes focusing in on Steve. Forgetting the previous drama from Wakanda, I gestured for him to come over, pulling him into the hug. They stood there with me for  what seemed like hours, letting me hold them as I cried.

•••

I held in a gasp as we landed, my eyes resting on the new compound in confusion, before turning to Nat.
"Who's here?"
"At the moment? Steve and I. Everyone else has split up"
"Who count as 'else'?"
"Rhodey, Carol... Bruce"
"Bruce? Goddamn he's alive!?"
"Yeah, he's not in the best place at the moment"
"I don't think anyone is" Steve interjected, placing his hand on the middle of my back as we got off the jet, helping to guide me as I was still slightly unstable on my feet, "and I doubt they will be for a long time"

I stayed silent as we entered the compound, the sudden feeling of safety feeling suffocating. I had been on the run for so long that any sense of structure seemed alien, my breath hitching as I took in my surroundings.
I faintly acknowledged Nat and Steve talking behind me as I sat down stiffly on the edge of one of the seats, my hands clenching the armrest.
"I can't stay here" I mumbled, staring at the floor as tears pricked my eyes again.
"What?"
"I have to find Clint. No I - i need to find Clint. He's not stable -"
"We just brought you back, Grace. I told you he was gone when we got there, we have no idea where he went!"
"Then we'll look again!"
Steve stepped in, placing his hands on my shoulders carefully.
"We've all lost people Grace, everyone is still grieving-"
"I know that Steve! You don't think I do? I lost five kids so don't you dare talk to me about grieving like I haven't" my voice, though it started out strong, cracked as tears resurfaced, "I'm aware of who we've lost but Clint is alive and he's hurting. I know he was holding back because I was there - I - I don't want to see how brutal it'll get now that I'm gone-"
"You're saying that wasn't brutal?" Steve asked incredulously, looking at Nat for confirmation.
"Clint's been like this before" she explained slowly, pain clearly written across her usually stoic face, "if he's reverting back to that then yes. It gets a lot worse"
"I have to get back to him - please"

From the corner of my eyes I saw Nat send Steve a look, the former stepping away from me. Nat took his place, her hands clasping mine as she crouched to be level with me.
"Grace. He left you there. The only reason I can think he'd separate with you after that is something bad. He did this for a reason"
"I-"
"No. Listen to me. He saw something that made him compelled to send me to you, do you know what that was?"
I sat quietly for a moment, running over the previous day in my mind.
"Cooper. There was a boy in the last gang we took down who looked like him and - I froze. I couldn't do it Nat" I explained as the tears recommenced their descent down my cheeks, "that night I cried. I haven't since the first few weeks - I just snapped"
Natasha just nodded, pulling me into another hug as I sobbed, a sad smile crossing her face.
"He did this for you"