Don't Remind Me (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Chapter 4

"Let's go somewhere today." I finished up polishing the glass table in front of Usagi as he reread the newspaper.

"Like where?" 

"I don't know... Want to go visit my brother?" I suggested wholeheartedly. 

Usagi shrugged. I didn't go back to therapy. I skipped it and a bill was mailed to the house. Usagi didn't say anything about it, but I could tell he was a little disappointed. He wanted nothing more than for me to be okay and I was just making it worse by drowning myself in my own thoughts. 

"Misaki," I turned to face him. He lay on the couch, head tucked under a pillow. I approached him with caution. I was afraid he would cry again and I felt a knot build in my throat. I just wish he would stop, but I knew he couldn't.

"Misaki please..." I placed my hand gently on his shoulder and removed the pillow from his face. He wasn't holding it back anymore. The tears flowed continuously down his beet red face, his brow furrowed, "You can't... Do this," he fumbled for my hand and squeezed it, "Please tell me who raped you."

Something that felt like electricity pulsed through my body. That word again. That word had so much power over him. He expected to hear it, but when it was actually spoken, it stung like he was struck across the face. So Usagi knew he was... hurt in that way? Who told him?

"I know what happened... It's the only thing that I could think of... To destroy you this much..." He gasped for air through his words, pain coating every breath, "You've gotten so thin... There's nothing to you anymore and your face... Your face is so... Sad."

My heart was torn in two. My hands trembled as I touched my own face. My eyes were puffy from crying myself to sleep and a wound near my brow was still healing. My cheeks were gaunt. I hadn't noticed what had become of myself. I looked like I was dying.

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. You aren't to blame for what happened. There's no reason to be sorry."

"I'm sorry I can't talk about it! Please, Usagi-san, please... Just forget about it." I blurted out and immediately regretted my outburst. Usagi stared at me for a moment, eyes wide and frightened like a deer caught in the headlights. His body shook more violently and he covered his mouth to stifle his sobs increasing in volume. His face glistened with tears and snot as if he were a helpless child.

"Usagi, I didn't mean..." I stopped myself before he could. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I felt apathetic and I couldn't cry about it anymore. I felt anger towards him. But I didn't stop to think about how he might feel. I've been torturing him for weeks and it won't end. I shouldn't have come home that night. 

***

Ok that was a short chapter... I'm trying to get back into writing and I haven't updated or watched Junjou in two years so... Please be patient with me as I try to figure out what I was trying to do with his fanfic lol

Also I started writing in third person halfway through this chapter haha I tried to correct it but if I missed something, sorry about that!