Don't Remind Me (A Junjou Romantica Fanfiction)

Chapter 2

Silence between us, uncomfortable lack of communication. Our voices remained stagnant and broken and we wished we would read each other's thoughts.

I was more ashamed than anything else. It came the moment where I was supposed to give in and spill out everything that happened, yet it was painful to even think about it. After what seemed like hours, I sat beside those I trusted and set my eyes on two particular things while I awkwardly swayed to maintain motion in the stiff room.

I was wishing I made a different decision that night; one prior or post incident. If I hadn't come to Usagi in tears, obviously terrorized, and I'd gone to stay in a hotel instead, using the money I didn't have to pay for my stay... I stopped thinking about what I should've done.

"...If the person that hurt you was someone you know, you need to tell us."

My thoughts were trailing off, I wasn't completely listening, but my attention rose when I looked to the counselor, then to Usagi. I sighed, resuming my reluctant state.

I think what I said to Usagi really sank into him. Normally, he'd pull me over and give me a tight, loving squeeze, but he realized I really needed my space. I gave him a mental thanks.

Finally opening my mouth, "Um, can we talk about this tomorrow, maybe?"

The counselor gave me a deceptive smile and nodded, checking her wrist watch. We left the room in a hurry; the next people barged into the room in a rage, obviously not wanting to be there.

I asked Usagi to drive slowly because my stomach was killing me, so naturally, he did. I wasn't interested in saying much more although I knew he wanted me to talk more than anything. I didn't doubt that he was worried even when I sometimes thought he didn't love me anymore. A few glances to the driver's seat sent me back to confide with my own thoughts; he didn't appear very approachable. Not like he could control that, but his grim expression sent shivers down my spine.

"I'm sorry." I laid my head against the window.

"You shouldn't be."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't say anything at the meeting. I'm really sorry..." A few more tears spilled over my brimming eyes. I'm so weak.

Usagi didn't pat my hand reassuringly or even reply to my worries. He just focused on the road in order to get us home safely. I pursed my lips, realizing that he wasn't letting me out of his sights for a while. I was going to be glued to his side whether I liked it or not.

The house's atmosphere had a dull grayness to it, almost like our moods. It wasn't dirty or messy, it was the sadness circulating our heads that was almost tangible. I hung up my coat and watched as Usagi did the same. He stationed himself on the couch and plugged a cigarette into his mouth, fidgeting with his lighter while trying to control his shaking hands. It wasn't fair for him to be suffering from my faults. If I wasn't so careless... I tossed my head back, remembering it was pointless to think about what I should've done.

"I'm going to make some dinner, what sounds good?" I opened the fridge to find the lack of ingredients.

Usagi took a long drag of smoke, snuffed it out, then lit another, "Don't. I'll get takeout."

"But that's no good."

No reply, just more puffing and sharp inhales as smoke rose to the ceiling. He cleared his throat and stood, beginning for the stairs.

"Usagi-san? Hold on." I stopped short. He was wiping his face with his sleeve when I had to grab onto his shirt to prevent him from going further. My heart dropped; he was crying. I wasn't sure what to do since this was a grown man sobbing for me. I hesitated for a mere moment, but I dropped everything and wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head against his chest, tightening our embrace. My heart was racing and my head was spinning, but I knew this is what we needed. A few seconds passed for him to comprehend these turn of events and then he placed one hand on my back and the other on my head, breathing between broken sobs. I didn't want to let go of him.

"Tell me when you're ready." Was all he could muster.

I grabbed his hand and lead him over to the kitchen, "We're going to have some kind of soup, and you're going to help me make it. Got it?" I opened the fridge once more and removed two different kinds of vegetables, "But maybe we should go shopping first." I laughed.

"That's why I suggested takeout."

"Eh, right."

Usagi called someplace-or-other and I flicked on the lights before the world had a chance to get dark around us. The food wasn't that bad, just not something I was used to. It didn't seem to bother Usagi that it tasted like actual fire, but then again, he chokes down at least four packs of cigarettes a day.

We agreed to get out the next day and purchase all our groceries for the week as I scratched down everything we were craving on a loose leaf paper. The weight on my chest gradually lifted throughout the remainder of the day as I watched the frightened expression that was once engraved on Usagi's face soften. It made me realize he was forcing himself to be happier, for me that is.