Star Trek Reader Inserts: Book One

Spock

*Trigger warning - self-hatred, self-harm, suicidal thoughts*

You and Spock had been together for nearly a month now. This fact amazed you; you had been with the love of your life for four entire weeks.

There was something, however, that always haunted you, blotting out sunny thoughts of your love like storm clouds; you didn't think you deserved to be this content with your love life. You always scolded yourself in the mirror after your shift:

You'll never be good enough.

Spock doesn't deserve someone as pathetic as you.

How do you know he's not just being polite and pretending to love you?

Pick up that blade, (Y/N)...it's your only hope...

You obeyed your thoughts, picking up the small razor blade that rested beside you. It glimmered in the light, anxiously waiting to serve its hateful purpose.

You hesitated at first, then pulled up your blue sleeve and dragged the blade through the skin on your wrist. A tear rolled down your cheek and dropped onto your self-inflicted wound, the salty liquid causing you to wince at the stinging sensation that it created. Choosing another spot, you made another cut, this time letting out a small sob. "Why am I so pathetic?" At this, you broke into a fit of loud, ugly sobs, forcing yourself not to collapse into a pathetic ball on the floor.

Suddenly, you heard the familiar sound of the door to your quarters opening. You quickly pulled down your sleeves as you heard him call your name.

"(Y/N)?"

"I'll be right there," you choked, wiping away your tears as you met him just outside the bathroom.

"You have been crying," he observed. Although he showed no emotion, you could feel the sympathy pouring out of his dark eyes.

"It doesn't matter, I'm fine," you said, breaking your eye contact with him.

"(Y/N), you know you can tell me anything, right?" That left you frozen. An emotional outburst...

He gently rolled up your sleeves, revealing the scars you had inflicted upon yourself.

"(Y/N)..." He gasped slightly, "I --"

"You don't deserve me, Spock. You're too perfect," you choked. "I'm poisoning you just with my presence..."

You collapsed onto his right shoulder as he embraced you gently, sobbing once again. "If I wasn't here, things would be so much easier for you. Besides, nobody would mind..." Your thoughts drifted to the idea of death and how much peace it would bring you.

"(Y/N), no." He tightened his embrace slightly, not choking you, but letting you know that yes, he truly cared for you, and nothing would change that. "I love you, (Y/N). Please do not leave me..."

Those simple words shattered your heart. It hurt you to see your lover so hurt and worried for you; you never thought you'd see him like this in the first place. "I won't leave you, Spock. I'll be here. Forever and always."