room 207 | shyland ✓

eighteen

ryland's pov

"i don't know why i agreed to doing this." i muttered as i rested my head against the window of the car, the street lamps breathing the sickening yet comfortably familiar yellow glow across the sidewalk.

with a nervous smile, shane reached forward to turn the dial of the radio anti-clockwise until the quiet murmurs of our local radio station faded into nothing. it was a few minutes past midnight when i'd received his text, and after pulling on his jean jacket i snuck down the stairs and right out the front door without a single noise made.

"well i'm hoping it was because you're gonna hear me out." he responded hesitantly and pulled the car to a stop. i didn't answer. we were at the one place i was hoping he wouldn't take us: the beach. the sound of the waves crashing against the groins and the bitter smell of sea salt in the air slapped me in the face the moment i opened the car door, setting me back for a few moments.

we walked down the cobbled steps without another word, my fingers curling round the sheep wool inside my jacket. my lips still felt strange from shane's kiss just a few hours ago. i didn't want him to kiss me, and i most certainly didn't kiss him back, but something inside me stopped me from pushing him away. from shrugging out of his grasp and walking away. instead, when he rested his forehead against mine, all i could think about was how those few seconds of contact made me feel more alive than i had in the three whole weeks we'd been apart. somehow, despite all science pointing to the two factors being inversely proportionate, the more time i spent with the thing that was killing me made me feel more alive than ever.

the sand was cold between my fingers as i sat down, stretching my legs out in front of me and watching one wave collapse over another. it was peaceful yet some how torturous, being here with shane. i could feel his eyes tearing holes in my clothes and in my skin and in my heart.

his hand slid on top of mine. i didn't move away. instead, i did something i never thought i ever would.

"i've been in love with you for the past two and a half years of my life. since i was a fucking kid, shane. dropping me like this, it– it's torn me apart." i blurted and almost flinched at my words, watching them float into his mind and sink into his heart. regret slipped over me yet somehow this enormous weight that i'd been carrying for so long subsided and i could breathe again.

"you... you love me?" he asked slowly, pulling his fingers away from mine and resting his head in his hands.

my lip began to tremble. this wasn't the reaction i was hoping for, but then again what was? i hadn't thought this through at all and my brain began to dissolve in my skin.

i took a deep breath and unravelled my mind, collecting the mess of tangled thoughts and placing them into the palms of his hands. "i can't turn off my feelings for you just because you've decided that they're inconvenient to your social status, okay? you– don't you get that you can't just shut me up and fix everything by kissing me? i know that you don't feel the same way as i do, and that's okay. honestly, it is. you were right: this was different for you than it was for me. i was getting to live my dream of being with you because you are all that i've wanted for the last two years. i was just some little experiment to see how far your bisexuality would take you, right?"

"that is not what it was like." shane disagreed with a low voice and looked directly into my eyes, shaking his head vigorously. "firstly, you were not inconvenient to me, not once, and secondly, you think i didn't feel anything? i fucking adore you, ryland. don't you get that? this was never an experiment, this was me starting to fall so uncontrollably that i got scared. i tried to ignore it, and then everything with the photo happened and– and everyone on the football team was bombarding me with questions and calling me a faggot and i just snapped. i was scared and i didn't know what to do and i'm sorry, okay? i'm so fucking sorry. but i don't do this kind of thing. feelings. i don't like them, and i don't want to have them, but it looks like i'm stuck with them, doesn't it? you're all i've thought about for the last three weeks and when you didn't turn up to school this week i thought you were just done with everything all together. i thought you were done with me."

i blankly studied his glossed over eyes and took a sharp, deep breath. how was this happening? six months ago, shane dawson was simply the gorgeous boy my brother happened to be friends with. the boy i could watch throw a football around in my back garden without any suspicion, because he was shane. he was family, practically, and he was older and taller and prettier and just unreachable. yet now, suddenly, he was all too tangible, and maybe going back to how things were when he was just the unrealistic love of my life would be easier.

"i don't think i know what love is." he continued, his now voice shaky, vulnerability written all over his face. "but if love is when there are no boundaries to how far you'd go to protect someone, and if love is when there is only one person you can be yourself and just breathe around, then fuck it ryland adams. i am in love with you."

i stared up at him in shock, feeling my hands begin to quiver. my heart was all i could hear, palpitating so violently against my rib cage that i feared blood would soak my shirt. he loved me. shane dawson – star quarterback, heartthrob, director, my brother's best friend – loved me.

"please don't say that if you don't mean it." i whispered croakily, my stomach feeling as though i'd just dropped from the top of a rollercoaster and plummeted head first to the ground. i suppose you could argue that there is some accuracy in that; this whole journey that i'd been through was being brought to a jawdroppingly abrupt stop that made my head spin.

shane blinked but didn't break our gaze. "my bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more i give to thee, the more i have, for both are infinite." he fluently spoke, and suddenly everything fell into place because shane dawson was sat next to me confessing his love for me and why the fuck wasn't i kissing him?

this kiss, however, was different. it wasn't hungry or impatient or needy, not like our other kisses. we were leaning in slowly because, in reality, we had all the time in the world and there was no one here to stop us. when our lips finally touched they moved against each other slowly and shane's hand reached up to grab a handful of my hair, bringing my face closer together as my hand rested behind my neck and i was in love.

"you remembered. you remembered i love romeo and juliet." i stated in shock when our touch finally parted and my whole body was flooding with shane in this whole new way.

a wide smile spread across his face and he laughed quietly, that cute little chuckle he does that sends my heart into meltdown. "i told you that night. you're my little juliet, in the most insane of ways."

"god i love you." i whispered and my mouth was on his again.

*

"thanks for driving me home." i quietly told him as we walked up the desolated driveway to my house, the 3am moon illuminating his face and making the creamy blonde strands in his auburn hair stand out.

we reached the front door and i peered through the window, thankful for all the lights being off. "thanks for falling in love with me." he coyly retorted and i laughed, pushing his shoulder gently before standing up on my tiptoes and wrapping him in the tightest of hugs.

his hands fell on my lower back and held me gently, and i sighed in content as i squished my face into the crook of his neck fondly.

"i'll see you tomorrow?" he confirmed with a smirk as i unlocked my front door as quietly as i could. "same time, same place, same cheesy shakespeare quotes?"

i rolled my eyes. "i'll have to check my diary. goodnight romeo." i teased, pulling away from his embrace and pressing my lips onto his.

"goodnight." he whispered, smiling into the kiss before opening the door for me.

but the second he opened it, a fist rammed into his face and then there was red.

a/n: DJDNSNNSSNNSJSNSJSJSJSJS
edit: SHANES UPLOADING THIS WEKE WHAT J SCRNESSZ