Seriously, WHAT'S HOT? [√]

Chapter 21 - What Ifs

“It’s pretty obvious by the way you kiss me.”

“Ohh,” Nate frowned, “So you knew as soon as I kissed you?  I thought I was a better at acting than that.  Why didn’t you say something?  Did you tell anyone?”

“No, of course not!”

“You’re mad at me aren’t you?” 

“Mad?  I’m furious.  This isn’t happening.  Do you have any idea what position you have put me in?   What am I supposed to do now?”

“I’m sorry.  I thought I could handle it.  I didn’t think I’d meet anyone like you.  If they knew they wouldn’t let me play football.  I love football.  I had to lie to everyone.”

“Football?  You could still play...”

“What?  Maybe non-competitively, but seriously Loyal, I wouldn’t get to play the big games.  I mean, now that you know my secret - would you want to tackle me, discuss strategy with me over beers, have me as part of the team, and what about the dressing room?   Pretty soon I’d be a total outcast and everyone would be looking at me weird.  This was the only way.”

“Shit, the dressing room, the guys would go ape if they knew.  Hell.”

“See what I mean.  This was only way I could play with you guys.  This was the only way I could prove I deserved to be part of the team.”

“So what do we do now?   I’m so confused.  I shouldn’t be feeling like this,” Loyal shook his head but he could deny it.  He had feelings for Nate.

“I know.  I promised myself that I wouldn’t - and I tried - but Loyal, I really like you.”

“I don’t understand it but I can’t get you out of my head.  I want you,” Loyal stepped in to kiss Nate and as he did he moved him towards the bed.

“No Loyal,” Nate pulled away again.  “We can’t do this. I can’t do this.  I really like you but I can’t do this while I am lying to everyone.  Coach will have talked to the scouts after the game.  He will know if we have any chance of a scholarship.  I have to wait for the offer.  If I get an offer then I will come out and show everyone who I really am.  But if I do it before then I put both of our futures in danger.  I’m sorry Loyal but we kissed in public.  If I tell everyone you will get brought into this.  We have to keep this secret, just for a little longer.”

“You are going to come out?”

“I have to eventually.  I just don’t want to hurt anyone when I do.”

“I’m not ready.  I still don’t understand what I’m feeling.”

“I know Loyal.  Let’s take this slowly.  I have to go, I have a curfew.  Can we talk tomorrow?”

Loyal nodded, Nate smiled as he softly kissed Loyal on the lips but quickly left without saying anything else.    Loyal fell onto the bed groaning.  That didn’t go as expected.  This was the outcome he least expected.  He was gay.  But it still didn’t make sense.  He didn’t get hot for Josh, or any of the team, so what was it about Nate.  Why was he going gay for Nate?

Maybe he wasn’t.  Maybe it was still just the thrill of the unknown, the excitement of the forbidden, the threat of getting caught, maybe this was more about tasting forbidden fruit than being gay.

There was only one way to be sure.  He pushed himself off the bed and headed downstairs in search of Anna. 

Why did she do that?  Patience opened her eyes and took a deep breath.  No, that didn’t help.  There was no denying it, no avoiding it, it happened and now she had to deal with it.  That emotion that she keep closely guarded, under lock and key, muzzled and leashed with bonds that would impress Christian Grey had wrenched free of its restraints. Damn.  There was no putting it back in its box now.  Years ago she carefully hid away her developing crush and as it matured and grew into a raging monster she added shackles to keep it contained and controlled.  She had it subdued, even with recent events adding to its muscle, she kept it down by telling herself that it was a sham relationship, that he only wanted to avoid marriage, that he would go back to hating her and sleeping around, and that this girlfriend thing changed nothing.   But last night Loyal released the demon, the beast within her was free and now she was doomed.  Yes, the beast was shaking maraca’s, dressed in a bright hibiscus printed lava-lava and singing, ‘Daa-da, Da, Uhh-Uh, you love him, Daa-da, Da...”