room 207 | shyland ✓

sixteen

i could see shane's fingers shaking as he took the microphone and began to speak. "lets just clear something up, okay?" he scanned over the hundreds of people. mr matthews reached forward to stop him but shane stood firm and still. "that picture isn't of me. i don't know who the fuck it's of or who thinks it's okay to insinuate that it's me necking some kid, but it's not, okay? why the fuck would i do that?"

tears began welling up in my eyes as i watched shane shakily run a hand through his mop of auburn hair. someone let out a wolf whistle and everyone burst out laughing, whispering to each other gleefully. he looked like he was about to crumble.

"oh yeah," he added loudly, clutching the microphone so tightly that his knuckles turned white, "and i'm not fucking gay, got it?" he spat, pushing the microphone back onto its stand as everyone stared entirely gobsmacked. the vibrations of his voice echoing through the hall sent oscillations into my body and tightened the knots inside me.

"mr dawson get to my office now!" principle matthews shouted and shane shook his head in disappointment, locking eyes directly with me for half a second before walking down the stage stairs and right out the door.

the assembly continued and consisted purely of everyone glancing around at each other with smirks and all i wanted to do was slap the smug looks off their faces. but i didn't. no one even listened to the principle speak. i just sat, somber, staring at my shoes as i felt my stomach twist and turn in worry. when the bell rang and it was time for first lesson, i fled from my seat and ran right out the room, ignoring garrett's shout and sprinting straight to the principals office.

outside shane sat with a completely emotionless face as he fumbled with the edge of his phone case subconsciously. his cheeks were stained pink as though he'd been crying, but his eyes were completely dull, oxymoronic to the blue green pit of inevitability they usually consisted of. i stood in front of him for a second and he didn't look up, not even when i coughed to grab his attention.

"shane—" i quietly said, touching his shoulder and feeling his muscles tense underneath my fingertips. "are you okay, i can't believe—"

"we need to talk. now." he interrupted monotonously and abruptly stood up, grabbing onto my wrist tightly and making my skin burn.

"you're hurting me." i muttered and a glimmer of emotion flickered over his hard expression for a moment, his grip slackening a little yet not releasing entirely. we walked in silence for half a minute until he dragged me into an empty classroom and flicked the light switch on.

"i can't do this ryland." shane blurted the second the door shut behind us, his hands shaking as he ruffled his hair. his voice was wavering as he spoke and i just wanted to hug him so tightly that all of this would go away, yet his words suddenly sunk in and my limbs turned numb.

"w-what? you can't do what?" i stuttered, dread rising up to my throat as i took his hands in mine. "everyone will believe you, they'll think that it's someone else in the photo, people love you, it's fine, you–"

"i can't. this– us– whatever this is." he breathed, shaking his head repeatedly and gesturing between us. "i can't do it anymore. it's too risky. i don't want people thinking— i cant ryland, i'm so sorry."

my stomach dropped to my feet and i looked at him in sheer shock, his words tasting bitter at the back of my throat. the bell for first period rang yet neither of us flinched. "what, you don't want people thinking you like guys?" i retorted as he dropped my hands and the room suddenly got smaller, my hairs standing on end as i drowned in the tension between us. "don't even carry on with that sentence. you're not finishing with me because of a stupid photo of us." my voice began to tremble as i spoke, my lip wobbling as tears threatened to drip down my cheeks.

"i'm so sorry. i'm so so sorry ryland. i just— this was never going to work, really, was it? we're too different." he mumbled, my mind struggling to register his words due to how paradoxical they seemed in comparison to everything he has told me over the last few months. i could feel the anger building up inside of me as it struggled against my rib cage, glowing red in fury.

"fuck you." i whispered, "fuck you, you fucking asshole. we are not different. we are exactly the same and that's what fucking scared you." my words slipped off my tongue and shane's expression dropped because he knew how true my words were. a sick feeling felt into the pit of my stomach as i watched him take a step forward, his face blank.

"you're still a kid, ryland, i led you on, this was a big mistake. you were always going to get hurt and i'm so– i don't like you the way you like me, i—" i cut him off with a cold, hard slap, jerking away as soon as i'd done it. a red mark had graced itself upon shane's cheek and his eyes widened, his lip catching between his teeth. i stared at my fingers, my skin tingling from the impact, the taste of salt from my tears making my stomach lurch.

"i wish i'd never met you." i whispered, my voice cracking at the end as i lied, locking eyes with him once more before pitifully shaking my head and walking out the door.

i stopped in the hallway and waited. i waited for him to chase after me, for him to grab my arm and to stroke my hair and to kiss me gently. for him to tell me that he didn't mean anything he'd just said and for him to hold me and for today to never have existed. but nothing happened. he didn't even leave the empty class room, and after half a minute of just staring at the closed door with my expectations slowly falling apart in front of my very eyes, i gave up.

i felt light headed and dizzy as i ran to the nearest bathroom, my hand steadying myself through the empty hallways and desperately trying to block out the sound of shane's words repeating in my mind.

this was never going to work.
you're still a kid.
i don't like you the way you like me.

i fell to my knees in the nearest cubicle and emptied my stomach, sobs racking my chest as i continuously vomited into the toilet. my lungs heaved for air and my hands shook violently as i gripped the rim of the toilet bowl, my heart aching so heavily that i thought i was going to pass out. in resentment i studied the red mark that travelled along my hand. absolutely everything i have focussed on in the last few months – through my brother and school and home – has just dissolved into nothing because someone posted a photo of two people they know nothing about, not giving a single thought to any repercussions their actions may have.

i hugged my knees and tried to muffle my sobs with the sleeve of shane's jacket, and steadily cried until the bell for second period rang. if only it was possible to undo the last four months of your life and start all over again.

a/n: this story is nearly finished 😳