Flame

Chapter Six

"Are you serious?"

"Young girls are brutal," she laughed, "anyway, Fiona and I got picked up by Uncle Brenden, who was her boyfriend then, and we headed to the party. I couldn't stop rambling about how excited I was while Brenden kept saying that I needed to stay close to them since high school parties were easy to get lost in. I, of course, being the erratic kid I was, didn't listen to a thing he said and right when we got there, I ran off."

"That sounds like something you'd do," Davina chuckled.

Her mother ignored her. "For a while, I hung out in the kitchen with a bunch of seniors. Drunk girls kept telling me how pretty I was and how much I was going to like high school. Even when I was young, drunk people made me uncomfortable because of how open and obnoxious they can be. This one boy, his name was Aidan, noticed and shooed them away. He was really nice. He asked me questions about my life and gave me advice on starting high school. I liked him. I thought he was cute so when he offered me a drink, I took it even though I didn't want to; I didn't want to seem 'lame'.

"Only after one drink, I felt drunk. I suddenly got so tired and could barely stand up so Aidan took me upstairs. I thought he was just going to put me to bed and let my sister know where I was since she had no idea where I had gone. But, he locked the door and put me on the bed."

Straightening her spine, Davina's eyes grew wide. "Mom..."

"It turned out that he roofied me and I was so weak, so out of it, I couldn't fight back. When he was done, he left me there and Fiona managed to find me a few hours later. I was so ashamed that I didn't tell anyone. I was convinced people would think I was a slut or something. However, I ended up having to tell my parents because I was pregnant," her mother's eyes lingered on Davina, attempting to read her daughter's face as the words left her mouth but when she didn't say anything, she continued, "I was terrified that they were going to be angry with me and make me keep the baby but Grandma took me Planned Parenthood the next day and we set up an appointment to get an abortion."

"Fuck, Mom," Davina breathed, leaving the warmth of the couch and into her mother's lap, "I'm so sorry."

"I told you this because I want you to know that you aren't alone in this," she whispered, resting her head on Davina's, "I understand everything you're feeling and whatever comes out of this, I'll support you and love you no matter what."

"Thank you, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too, baby," she whispered, kissing Davina's forehead, "and I want to tell you something else. I fell into this...spiral of self-hatred after it happened. I thought it was my fault, that is was some type of punishment and it was going to continue until I made it stop."

"Wait, what?"

"I thought about committing suicide a lot. I was feeling so much pain and I hated myself so much, I just wanted my life to end. I didn't care how it'd affect the people around me, all I wanted was the pain to stop. Because I didn't tell anyone, everything weighed on me and it felt like something so heavy was sitting on my chest. I felt so alone and empty like I had no one. I tried to end it three different times but I always ended up stopping right before."

Tears burned in Davina's eyes when she heard the crack in her mother's voice. She had only seen her cry one other time and for the life of her, she couldn't remember the reason. Watching her fight the urge to burst into a fit of sobs broke Davina's heart into a thousand pieces, realizing that she went through so much suffering alone made her chest tremble.

"That's why I won't let you stay in your room alone. I'm terrified that the second you're alone with your thoughts, you're going to let your head make you feel the way I felt. Just know, Davina, I will not leave you alone for a long time. It's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust your brain. I know you do, though. With your anxiety, I just know it's not going to be easy for you."