sage | a warrior cats fanfiction

chapter twenty seven

His head frequently filled up with the words at the concept that he liked toms. He didn't want to like toms, and he really didn't want to like Pantherleap. He wasn't allowed to and he really should have control over it. But he didn't and he'd completely messed up in telling the other tom both things. And apparently, Cougarstar's brother had been breaking the rules all along.

And then he walked right into Pantherleap.

Pulling backward with shock flickering within his gaze, he quickly surveyed his surroundings. He walked all the way back to camp without even noticing and the warrior was at the entrance.

Pantherleap looked back at him and appeared to ensure his gaze was guarded. Shame quickly swamped Adderheart but he flicked his tail at Pantherleap as if indicating that the tom should follow. He seemed to consider it for a moment before giving a strained "I can't".

"Why not?" He hissed in response, though he wasn't meaning to be rude. He just didn't want anyone to hear. "Come on Pantherleap... I know you don't want to talk. But we have to."

"I just told Cougarstar I was going hunting!" He protested.

"Then we can go together! StarClan, come on... just, please. We have to talk."

"It's really going to seem awfully suspicious if we disappear," he answered, flickering his tail sharply. "And you should be in the healers' den after what happened. That's even more suspicious."

Guilt crawled across Adderheart's pelt. "I feel fine," he responded, ear twitching. "I'm practically begging you. Please. We have to talk."

"I'm not talking about it. We don't have to talk. I'm meant to be hunting, I'm not supposed to be chattering idly with some warrior."

Some warrior...?

"I thought that..." Hurt flashed clearly across his face and he wished to StarClan that he could erase it.

"Sorry. Sorry. You know what I mean. I just can't really talk right now. I'm not talking," Pantherleap finalized, shaking his head firmly.

"But we have to!"

"You want to," he corrected, glancing back to shoot Adderheart a guarded look. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Then we don't have to," Adderheart pleaded.

"That's the entire reason you want to 'go hunting' with me!"

He opened his jaws to speak but then closed them. He's right. I just want help. He knows how to deal with this, doesn't he? I hope he does. That's why I want to talk to him!... and to clear things up. Obviously! Just talk to me!

"See? I told you!" Pantherleap started to pad into the camp, but Adderheart slammed his paw down on his tail, and the warrior muffled a cry.

"Pantherleap, seriously? Stop it and talk to me! Y-you can't just leave because you've never had feelings returned. I need help! I don't know what to do!"

The tom turned back, his gaze now finally unguarded to reveal that he was... hurt? "Do you think I know what to do? I've never had this happen before. It's not allowed! It's not allowed! I don't know what to do either! I don't know. I won't and don't know. I don't want to go 'hunting' with you right now!"

Did I do something wrong? Why does he look so hurt? What did I do? Guilt and shame layered on Adderheart like snow falling from the sky onto a pleasantly dry ground.

"Adderheart, I don't know any better than you do. But I'm meant to be hunting. We can't discuss now." His voice had quieted momentarily, but his ears still flickered, and his voice was still clearly strained.