F***in' Arizona

A Simple Smile Can Go a Long Way (Chapter 3)

"Uh, yeah I was. I'm not really a football fan, but Maya dragged me out of the house."

Ari laughs a laugh that for some reason sent a tingle down my spine.

"Hey, at least you're honest. Are you into any sports at all?"

"Yeah, I play basketball and volleyball, and I was on the swim team last year."

"Well maybe I should join the basketball team just so I can see you play sometimes. I know the boy's team does a lot of their practices and drills with the girl's team. Who knows, maybe I could come to your games too if you're playing," he says smiling genuinely, "Come on, we should get into class before Mrs. Monroe throws a fit."

"Yeah ok," I say smiling back.

Why am I so rude towards him again? He's kinda alright, I guess.

"I'll see you later Maya," I say addressing her.

"I'll text you later Charlie," Ari says smiling at him and briefly rubbing him on the arm.

That smile. I've never seen him smile like that at Blaire before. It was an affectionate smile that I don't think Maya saw. I'm starting to believe there may be a little more than meets the eye with Arizona Matthews.

Ari's P.O.V
After school

"Is this weird for you?" Charlie asks while kissing my neck.

It was after school and we were at my house sitting on the couch in the living room watching tv. My parents and siblings weren't home yet so it was just the two of us for the next thirty minutes or so, until one of my siblings made it back.

"What do you mean?" I ask fidgeting under Charlie's touch.

Charlie stops and sits back, "I mean me kissing you. You've never kissed a guy before me right? Am I making you uncomfortable? Are you sure you even want me doing this? Do you even like guys? I don't think I asked you this before."

I sit for a moment to think about how I'm going to eloquently answer. I needed to make sure I really contemplate on my next words to make sure nothing stupid comes out of my mouth.

"I don't think I mind you kissing me. It's just new for me. I've never kissed a guy before because I didn't even know that I could be into guys until you kissed me the other day. I've only ever kissed Blaire but even our relationship is fake.
Last year we agreed to "date" each other because jocks date jocks. It's how the high school cycle goes. It would help our popularity. I told her that I had never had any sort of romantic or sexual feelings towards a girl before but didn't know if I had either of those feelings towards guys either.

The first time I kissed her I felt nothing. No emotion, no love, no lust. It was just empty and I kind of didn't want to do it again, but since we had agreed to do this fake relationship, I got used to it. I love Blaire as a friend, but the thought of me having a girlfriend...I don't think it fits.

The more I think about it, the more I start to realize the possibility of being attracted to guys. Like, why not? I already knew I didn't really feel anything for girls, but I was never opposed to guys. I always kind of thought different guys were attractive but I never just really thought about my sexuality in depth until you made me.

Problem is though, you know how my parents are. My dad and his family come from the deep south where stuff like that is super frowned upon, and my mom just kind of follows whatever my dad says most of the time. There is no way they would be okay with me being gay."

"I didn't even think about your parents. Your dad can be pretty strict and even though your mom has a mind of her own, she does tend to go with whatever he says like it's gospel. It's hard to believe your parents used to be as wild as they were when they were growing up and young adults. Dang man. I didn't realize all of this was going through your mind. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Tell me about it. Sometimes my siblings and I talk about how different they are now in comparison. And I didn't know what was going on or what that attraction meant. You know how girls can say another girl is hot without there being any romantic feelings behind it? I just figured it was like that. Back then I also didn't know you were gay so I wasn't sure how you would think of me. I was afraid."

"Ari, you know I wouldn't ever throw you to the side just because you were gay."

"Well yeah, I know that now."

"What about your siblings? How do you think they will react?"

"Oh, I don't plan on telling them. I don't plan on telling anyone! You and Blaire are enough. I'm just not there yet man. But that doesn't mean I want to stop seeing you in that way. I think I'm growing to like you Charlie. There was this moment last year that I think started a spark in me but I just ignored it but I'm glad it's been reignited. All I ask though is that you stay patient with me since everything is new."

Charlie smiles at me like those two simple sentences just set his heart aflame.

"Well, I guess I'm ok with me being your little secret. And of course I'll be patient with you and be there with you on your sexuality journey, but do you really plan on telling no one?" Charlie asks.

"For now, yeah. If in the future I feel more comfortable telling someone, then I will. Maybe when we go off to college I can be more comfortable. I won't be around people who know me, so I can be out. I can be a new person."

"Quick question, does this mean you're a virgin?" Charlie asks laughing.

"Dude, we just talked about how strict my parents are. Sex is a no go. I feel like my mom would smell it on me. Not only that, but I never wanted to have sex with Blaire. I mean, she offered this one time, but I turned her down and she respected me enough not to ask again. Sooo, yeah, I'm still a virgin. Something wrong with that though?"

"What? No way! I'm just glad I get to be your first."

"Huh? Who said that? I may be into girls before then," I say laughing and teasing him.

Charlie pushes me back down onto the couch and kisses me again, "Not a chance. Not if I have anything to say about it."