First Time, Kind Of.

Mature Enough.

I had never even seen one before! I was totally out of my league. I stood there in my boyfriends room stunned, scared and mesmerized, all at the same time. I stood there, in my bare underwear freezing my ass off. My dark skin had goosebumps ran along the skin, my palms got clammy and my stomach felt tingly.

My boyfriend started to move towards me. I snapped out of my trance and moved back from him, placing my hand on his rock hard stomach, to keep the distance between us.

"Vel, what's the problem? I thought you said you were ready for this..." He said.

I felt so horrible, I didn't want him to think I wasn't into him, because I totally was. Totally. You're just way too pussy to ever actually do anything. I scold myself and shake my head. That ripped dark skin body, and his hazel eyes are every girl's dream.. And i had him, so why couldn't i do it?

Oh God those eyes made my knees weak every time he gave me those big puppy dog eyes. BUT never weak enough to actually go through with the whole 'sex thing.'

"I know, but Aries I just can't do it... i know we talked about it and we said we'd at least try, but i just know i'm not ready yet."

He looks down at his exposed penis, and shakes his head to himself .

"Listen, I know you're afraid but I promise i'm gonna take care of you alright?" He said placing his hand on my cheek.

So many thoughts filled my brain, What if he got carried away and hurt me? What if the condom broke? What if- I couldn't possibly be ready for this. I pushed past him, and sat on his bed.

"Aries I don't know about this, I don't think I can do it."

"God, when WILL you be ready then?! We've been together since freshman year!"

Why the fuck isn't he listening?!

"Aries I know..."

"We're about to be Juniors Velvain." He said, telling me as if I forgot.

He sits on the bed beside me, and puts his arm around my waist. I roll my eyes in frustration, and get up from the bed.

"I know that, I'm just not.. I don't want to do this right now.. after school, it just doesn't feel right to me Aries." I say hoping he finally lets it go..

"You know you're the only girl our age who is still a virgin? AND! I'm the only one on the football team who hasn't scored outside the field." He barks at me.

"It's getting pretty embarrassing telling the guys that we still haven't had sex yet"

I shake my head in disgust, I can't believe we're even having this argument right now. Where the fuck does he get off telling you when it's time for you to have sex?

"Well you're just going to have to wait Aries! I don't care what everyone else is doing." I say crossing my arms.

"Fine! You might as well just go home Velvain. Obviously you're not mature enough." He says putting his clothes back on.

I scoff at him in shock. I know his ass didn't just kick you out?! He looked at me with a blank expression as i stood in awe. Is he deadass ?! He had never been so desperate to have sex before. He's asked and questioned me, but never has he gotten so angry that he'd kick me out of his house. Where was this shit coming from?

"What? are you kidding me?? You're kicking me out because i dont wanna have sex? what happened to i'll wait as long as you need babe" I yelled back. What a peace of shit liar!! I had been holding that in for so long it felt so good to get out. I always felt to rushed and forced by Ariel.

"Velvain i'm tired of waiting on you to give it up already, i've been with you for a year and you're still afraid?!"

I wanted to scream and beat the shit out of him but my body betrayed me...Tears filled my eyes. Great now you look like a pussy.. I am not going to sit here and argue with him..He was such an asshole!! I grab my pink tank top and jeans from his floor and put them on with haste. I snatch my book bag from the edge of his bed and leave out of his room, slamming the door behind me.

I storm out of his house, realizing he was my ride home. My mom was at work, and my pride wouldn't let me ask him.

The bus it is.

You need to walk to the bus try to keep a straight face, before getting to a good place to hide and cry. Good idea. I felt my heart sink in my chest. Was i really being unfair to Ariel? I couldn't have been.. It should be my choice when to give up my virginity, and not be rushed by anyone! Boys fucking suck, we should go back and trash his house. I roll my eyes at my conscious and continue walking.

I remember when ariel wasn't always so obsessed with having sex.. when we were just best friends in middle school who fell in love.. Yeah he's changed a lot since then bitch..

We had gotten into such a routine, everyday was the same for us.. He'd get out from practice and he'd pick me up on his way home.. we'd watch movies and just talk.. That's how it was since we were kids.

My mom always loved the idea of us ever ending up together, and so did his. We had both been so shy and awkward it felt like destiny when we found each other. Everyone thought we were the "it couple" We kinda just fell into the role every one wanted us to play... I mean i love Ariel, you think..but he's changed ever since high school started.

Ever since he started working out and he joined the football team, he got popular.. And turned into a conceited son of a bitch. I guess I was destroying his rep.. He started going out to parties without me, he'd be so inconsiderate of what i wanted.. Girls started hitting on him more, how could he not want one of them... he probably wants to fuck one of them so bad, but he's with me...

I stop in front of the bus stop and take a deep breath before sitting.

How did things get so fucked up?