Sacrifice-Shawn Mendes

Useless

Haley's POV

I sat in my car looking at my wedding ring on the steering wheel while balling my eyes out.

Fuck.

I just got done with my doctors appointment, and the news they gave me was definitely not what I was expecting. I was expecting them to tell me that maybe my period is going through a funk or something so it makes everything ten-times worse.

Wrong.

They basically said I have a tumor on the outside of my bladder. They said I could either keep the tumor and take meds to make it not super bad and have check ups regularly. They recommended that I go through surgery and get it taken off, but in return their is no possibility that I can have kids.

It broke my heart when the doctor said that me having a tumor on my uterus gives me a 5% chance of having a kid even if I don't go through with the surgery. They also said that if I do the surgery I will never have my period again, which would be amazing, but I would rather have a few kids and have excruciatingly painful periods then have no kids at all.

Shawn and I haven't talked about kids but from all the interviews he's done he has said that he wants kids really bad, and that he's excited to become a dad.

I've become useless. A wife is suppose to provide for the family and I can't even do that.

"I'm sorry to say this Mrs.mendes, but the chance of you having a kid is very unlikely, only 5% to be exact."

I sat in the hospital parking lot crying my eyes out. Thinking about all the horrible situations that could happen with Shawn when I tell him.

He could divorce me.

The negative thoughts made me cry even harder, which resulted in me having a hard time to breathe.

"You have a tumor right by your uterus"

The doctor also said that my stomach can get really bloated at times because of the tumor.

I decided that it was finally time to go back home and quite crying in the parking lot.

As I was driving down the road, I stopped behind a car because the light was red. I looked at the back of the car and saw a car sticker that was bright yellow that said baby on board!

I'll never be able to have that.

Even though I've vowed to never get car stickers because to me they are to tacky but just the car sticker itself made me sad.

My eyes started to water once again.

"Fuck" I said annoyed that I was about to cry again.

As I was driving teary eyed down the road it suddenly became difficult to see. So I pulled over on the side of the road near a Starbucks.

I put my car in park and let my feeling explode, maybe if I get them out now I won't have to deal with them while I'm driving again.

I was still thirty minutes away from the house so I had quite a drive.

Shawn's gonna be so mad.

It's not like I could of done anything to prevent it but it makes me feel like such a useless person. Shawn needs a wife who will actually provide him with the big family he wants, not some girl who can't even have a single child.

Once I could see again I put my car in drive and merged onto the oncoming traffic.

I drove all the way home with tears streaming down my face. Until I got to the apartment complex Shawn and I live in.

I parked my car into the designated spot and sat in the car for a couple of minutes, whipping the tears from my face so Shawn wouldn't know Ive been having a complete melt down for the past forty-five minutes.

Once I looked into the mirror on my car and saw that my cheeks where no longer red and that my eyes where no longer watery and red I got out of my car and started walking to our apartment complex.

I grabbed my house key that was also connected to my car keys so I could unlock the apartment and go inside.

Once I was at our door I unlocked it and put my keys back into my bag. I slowly walked through the door and put my bag on the kitchen counter.

"How was the doctors appointment?" Shawn asked from the couch in the living room.

"Uh, it was good" I lied, I couldn't tell him right this moment.

"What'd they say?" He said pausing the tv.

"That I was doing just fine" I said lying once again. I don't want to tell him yet. I want to know if he wants kid first, then I'll decide what to do. I don't want him to stay with me out of pity, if he wants kids I don't want him to feel like he's being held hostage by me.

"That's good" He said getting up from the couch and walking over to me.

He sauntered over to me and put his arms around my stomach from behind.

Where no baby could be.

"I love you" He said onto my head then giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you too" I said leaning my head back and kissing his chin.

"How was Brian?" I said trying to changed the subject from my doctors appointment.

"He was good. His videography stuff is doing really well, everyone wants him to do their weddings" he said unraveling his arms from my stomach to standing and looking at me.

His eye contact was one thing that always turned me on, he always looked so intimidating.

"Yeah he did really good at our wedding" I said remembering the beautiful video Brian put together for our wedding.

"Yeah it was amazing" he said moving forward a little so our lips were now just centimeters apart.

"Wanna go to our room?" He said, I could feel his lips on mine for just a second when he said 'our'.

"Yes please" I said connecting our lips together.