Letters To My Past

January 2010, Age: 12 years old.

Dear Future me,

Today was the first time. The first time his hand came in contact with my face. Im writing this letter so you have evidence these events happened.

Ill start from the beginning I had my normal day, I got up to my alarm had a shower, got dressed into black leggings and one of my favourite long length black long-sleeved tops, grabbed my school bag and headed down for breakfast. School today went as normal; maths (God I hate maths and that maths teacher), biology (my favourite subject of all time) and then finally art in the afternoon.

Came home and went straight to my room. I love my bedroom; its designed exactly to how I like it, red wallpaper, things I've collected scattered around the room; reflects my personality perfectly, random. I wasn't doing anything wrong, sat in my room enjoying the comfort it brought me with my music quietly playing. I heard the front door slam and a drunken slur of his voice, stepfather was back and drunk as ever, I hope in the future these drunk habits are lost especially after today they scare me. He stumbled up the stairs slurring my name in an angry tone, I could hear his every step, he sounded fuming; the drunken state always made him angry but never this angry. Next thing I knew he was above me pinned me to the bed angrily whispering fuck you, suddenly his hand came in full contact with the side of my face. Pain shot through my cheek, my nose cracked and broke as I hit it off the bed post beside me. Just as quickly as he had arrived, he was gone again still angrily murmuring to himself. Nose gushing blood soaking my t shirt, so much pain, why did he hit me, I don't understand why, I have never gone against him always behaved and done as I was told, since the day he moved into mine and mums home he hated me.

Later on that night at dinner mum noticed the bruising and the broken nose, I tried to hide it covered it up with foundation but she still saw right through it. I made an excuse told her the bullies became physical today at school I could tell she didn't believe me but I can't tell her the truth she loves my step, he has been there since dad passed a few years ago. My dad was a soldier in the army fighting for this country and 2 years ago he lost his life out on duty, my stepdad has been there ever since.

I'm sorry mum I never told you the truth, I never wanted to hurt you cause of my own fault.

From Jasmine