Short Drabbles

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Torque slid her phone into her pocket and rubbed her temples. Silently willing her headache to go away. Her constant headache nowadays. No matter how hard she tried, she felt no difference in her small living.

She sat down on the edge of the sidewalk and let out a deep breath. She could feel the coolness of the concrete seep through her jeans. The street was lit only with a single lamppost, and the occasional cars that would drive by.

She never noticed when the cars passed. And maybe it was dangerous, but she was beside herself. Aware and unaware of her surroundings and state. She felt empty. Mindlessly rubbing her hands together, overthinking. Hearing her mother's snide comments constantly in the back of her mind, attacking her all the time. The remarks that belittled and broke her a little more with each encounter. But she couldn't escape them. No matter what she tried.

How do you force yourself to hope? How do you repair your thought process?

She hid in the basement. She put up boundaries, but they didn't always work. The feeling of having to explain herself and her actions so often hurt her confidence. She felt small. Listening, but never being listened to. Breakage.

She waited, as patiently as she could. For that glimmer of light. That phone call to take her away, to help her regain her confidence. To interact with people who didn't have the sole intent of bringing her down. To be outside the basement, to work with her hands and feel the pain and strength from her hard work. And her hard work alone. To breathe that fresh air.

But her phone line was dead.

A car passed by, the occupants not even noticing the girl sitting alone on the sidewalk. Her head jerked up, in response to a bird flying overhead. She couldn't help it. Imagining how her wings felt clipped. She felt another tidal wave of emptiness.

The sunlight was nearly gone, the last bits of pink and orange dissipating from the sunset.

She lowered her head, looking back at her hands. Pondering how many years it would take to feel at peace. Would it ever even come? Could she last that long?

Dreaming of the day she would stand in front of students, encouraging creativity and individuality. Seeing each seed grow and blossom. Vigorously watering each seed. Seeing hope daily.

Coming home from work to see and be with her significant other and be surrounded by animals. Feeling whole. Making sure she's okay everyday she comes home.

Back to worrying. Hoping she never missed anything. Hoping she would never have to live without her. Praying to any god that she made it home everyday. Not knowing what she would do if she was left behind in this god forsaken world. Wondering how she would find the will to carry on. Realizing the only thing keeping her here is her. The only one.

And she's crying. She's sobbing and wishing she wouldn't overthink everything constantly. But the fears fester in the back of her mind. Just like those insults. And she mind numbingly doesn't know what to do. She looks to the sky, hoping to find answers. Faint stars have started to sparkle in the sky. Stars. She thinks of all the times she's come outside to look at them because she felt like she couldn't breathe, when her parents were fighting, or when she wanted the stars to calm her. It used to work. She wished it still did. The stars that used to wash over her with calm, only fueled her hopelessness now.

She wanted desperately to be able to bury herself in things again. She wanted to pick up a pencil and create things on paper like she used to. She wanted to spend hours with her animals and have the time get away from her.

A shooting star. But no wish. A small notion, that she stopped doing a while ago.

She cradled her head in her left hand and propped it up with her elbow. Faintly staring down the road. The never ending road.

Her lifelines seem cut and her escape routes seem blocked. So she sits there, having all the time in the world, to set herself further and further back into her mind. Until something cracks her glass and her whole safeguard is destroyed. But through the mirage of floodwater you can see her already working. Patching the crack up with any resource available, even if they are in short supply. And if you aren't there for the break you don't get wet. And if you are, you drown with her.