Pushin' Me Away • {Joe Jonas}

03. e m o t i o n l e s s . m o n s t e r

Joe led her out to his car and opened the passenger door for her. She hesitated again and he shook his head.

"I'm not going to murder you or anything, Lex. We both want to get the hell out of here and I'm just trying to make that happen," he told her, and she nodded and climbed into the car.

"Are you okay?" he asked her once they'd been driving for a while. He was well on his way to her house, something that vaguely surprised her even though she knew it shouldn't. Obviously he knew where she lived, it had just been so long since he'd been there that it felt weird.

"Yeah, I just... I guess I should've expected those questions, but she was just so persistent," she said, and Joe laughed quietly.

"She definitely did seem determined," he nodded.

"I'm sorry I ruined the thing," she told him, and he shrugged.

"You didn't ruin anything. It's perfectly reasonable that you don't want to answer questions about our personal lives. It was boring anyway."

"Thank you for standing up for me, Joe. Really, it was nice of you."

"Don't make it sound like I'm some sort of emotionless monster," he said, and she had to look at the softness in his eyes before she could tell if he was joking or not. He seemed to be.

"I know you're not a monster, Joseph."

They rode the rest of the way to her place in silence, and once they got there she wasn't quite sure what to say to him. She wanted to ask him inside, but was pretty sure that he probably wouldn't want to come in. She was still stressing out over it when he spoke.

"Are you okay to be alone? I mean, I know sometimes it's bad for you to be alone when you're panicky, if you still are," he said, and she shrugged.

"I kind of still am," she told him truthfully, and he nodded and got out of the car before she could say anything else. He opened her door for her and she got out and followed him to the front door, unlocking it and stepping inside.

"I don't really have any food or drink to offer you, sorry," she said, and he shrugged. She felt ridiculous about it, but there really wasn't much food or drink other than liquor in her house at all. She usually ordered out. She suspected that Joe wasn't overly surprised by that fact.

"That's fine," he told her quietly.

He walked to the living room and she followed him, sitting on the other end of the couch from him.

"This is weird," he whispered, so quiet that at first she wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly. "Everything here's exactly the same," he spoke again, and he was right. She hadn't changed much of anything in her house in years. Interior design had just been the last thing on her mind.

"It's weird having you here," she told him, curling her legs underneath her and pushing herself back into the corner of the couch so that she could look at him properly.

"How are you?" he asked her quietly, his hazel eyes sparkling as they focused on her. "And I mean really, not just some bullshit generic 'fine'."

"Uh, well then I am decidedly not fine. But I haven't really been in years so I can't imagine that's shocking," she told him, shrugging. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm genuinely trying to be nice to you, Lex," he said, and she nodded.

"I know, and I appreciate it. I'm serious. I don't know what else to tell you about how I've been, Joe. I've been exactly the same as I've been for years," she said quietly, shutting her eyes tightly. When she opened them again, she focused them firmly on her hands in front of her, not able to raise them to him again. She felt ridiculously guilty for never having told him what had happened to her at that nightclub, but she'd just never been able to bring herself to.

"Why can't you talk to me anymore, Lexy?" he asked her quietly, his voice sad. "I just... sometimes I really just wonder what the hell happened there."

She nodded.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Not really. I know I made it seem like you did sometimes, but you didn't."

Before either of them could say anything else, his phone rang shrilly in his pocket. Both of them jumped and he stood and left the room to take the call. When he came back a few minutes later, his demeanor had changed and Lex knew he officially wasn't open to talking anymore. His body language was closed off suddenly and she wished the call had never come. She longed to have that soft and open version of him back.

"I have to go. That was... that was Elaine, and I have to go," he told her quietly, and she nodded. Elaine was his girlfriend, a girl they both knew from way back. They'd been dating for a while and Lex couldn't help but be a little jealous even though she knew she had absolutely no right to be.

"Bye, Joseph," she whispered, standing. She desperately wanted to hug him, but instead she just stood there and dumbly watched him leave.

As soon as his car was out of the driveway, she dug her own phone out of her pocket and dialed.

"Hi, Nicky. Out of curiosity, are you dating anyone right now?"

"No... are you okay?"

"Not really. Can you come over?"

"Yeah. I've gotta finish up a few things at the event and then I'll be there."

Lex ended the call, tossing her phone on the coffee table and shaking her head.

•••••

a/n: the first chapter of my nick story, 'sucker', was just posted! it's not connected to this one and is partially social media if you're interested! 💕