Pushin' Me Away • {Joe Jonas}

02. b r e a k d o w n

"Hi, Lexy!" Joe's youngest brother, Nick, regarded her warmly as soon as the four of them were backstage. She'd always hated to be called 'Lexy' until Joe. He'd started using it as a fond nickname and his brothers had followed suit almost immediately.

As she looked at them, she realized that she didn't just miss Joe, she missed all three of them dearly, missed being with all three of them together. They'd met when they were all teenagers; she'd had a show on Disney at just about the time they started really coming up and she'd been infatuated with all three of them immediately upon meeting them. It was hard not to be, especially as a fifteen year old girl. All three of them just radiated such positivity and magnetism that she almost didn't have a choice whether or not she was going to be friends with them, it was just kind of a necessity. Nick and Kevin were two of the best friends she'd ever had, and Joe... well, Joe was something else obviously. She'd kept in touch with Nick and Kevin long after she and Joe had broken up, but all three of them were busy and they definitely didn't see each other as often as she wished they did.

"Hi, Nicky," she said quietly, hugging him tightly. He hated being called 'Nicky' and always had, but for some reason he'd always tolerated it when she was the one using it. It was one of the first things they'd bonded over when they were kids; that both of them were strangely okay with the other using nicknames they hated.

"Hi, Lex," Kevin said, hugging her warmly as soon as she was out of Nick's grasp. "Miss you," he said, making her smile.

"Miss you too, Kev," she said quietly, kissing him on the cheek as they pulled apart.

All of their eyes made their way to Joe where he kept his distance from them across the room.

"I assume he's just ecstatic to see me?" she asked jokingly, and Kevin and Nick both chuckled.

"Not exactly," Kev told her, shaking his head. She smiled, nodding and taking a few steps toward Joe. Kevin and Nick both raised their eyebrows at her and she shrugged.

"I'm going to have to say hello to him at some point, might as well do it backstage where there isn't a huge audience," she explained, and they both shrugged. She closed the gap between them cautiously, and Joe's gaze raised to her immediately.

"Hello, Joseph," she said quietly, suddenly nervous again. The ease she'd felt with Nick and Kevin melted away and her hands shook so much she had to shove them into the pockets of her jeans.

"Lex," he said quietly, his tone pleasant enough though she could see emotion swirling around in his eyes.

"How are you?" she asked, and he shrugged.

"Fine."

"You know you're going to have to actually talk to me when we get out on stage, right? We have to do a song together," she said, mostly reminding herself as well.

"We're not on stage yet," he told her, and she nodded.

"I know. I just... You're the one that wanted a no-arguing pact. I was just trying to go with that."

"I meant on stage, Lex. We don't need to be friends backstage," he told her, the coldness in his tone stinging.

"Oh. Okay."

She nodded and stepped back across the room to his brothers, breathing on her hands like they were cold.

"Jesus Christ. He's really out here giving me the deep freeze," she said, making both of them laugh.

•••••

An hour later, they'd done the talking they needed to do and had sung their song. All of it had gone off pretty well; Joe was still distant, but Meghan had been right when she'd said Lex could just gravitate towards Kevin and Nick and make everything work just fine.

They sat down for the Q&A, and the first handful of questions were softballs, nothing too serious. Questions about her upcoming music, their upcoming music, and a few about old Disney memories. Lex was just settling into the groove of it when one hit her like a brick wall and made her completely freeze.

"Lex, what do you think led to the breakdown of your relationship with Joe?"

The question caught her so off-guard that at first she was sure she'd misheard it. A stagehand backstage had told them that they'd made sure that none of the questions were too personal, but apparently this girl's had slipped through somehow.

"I... uh, we just grew apart, you know? People grow and change and that's just what happened with us," Lex said timidly, flashing a quick glance at Joe where he was sitting to her left on the other side of Kevin. He wasn't looking at her and suddenly she felt completely un-tethered and alone.

"Yeah, but that's just not true, right? I mean, something definitely happened. It was obvious, and you had that stint in rehab right around the time of the breakup, right? That had to have something to do with it."

The girl's words echoed through the auditorium they were in and felt like they were drilling tiny holes in Lex's head. Kevin looked at her worriedly and she felt unsteady, like she might fall right out of her chair at any moment. Her eyes floated to Kevin and he reached for her, a comforting hand landing on her shoulder.

"You know what, I'm not sure either of your questions are appropriate, okay? What happened between Lex and I happened between Lex and I and that's it. I know it feels like our lives are your own personal fishbowls to spy on, but they're not. We're people. Lex is a person, and I'm a person and what may or may not have led to our breakup is between us."

Lex's eyes were closed when Joe started to speak, and she had to open them to make sure it was actually him. She was shocked that he was defending her, shocked that he'd stood up for her. She wouldn't have expected him to in a million years, but somehow there he was. Tears rose to her eyes and she sniffled, trying to keep them at bay. It didn't work, and a second later she was full-on crying. She stood and hurried backstage, trying her best to make sure no one saw her tears.

There was a commotion from the auditorium and a second later, someone else was asking Kevin a question about his daughters. Lex heard him answering it, his tone light and happy like he was trying to change the subject as best he could and try to change it in everyone's minds too.

Lex took a deep breath and sunk to the floor up against a wall, her head between her knees as she tried to quell the panic attack that was quickly rising inside her. A few moments later, a gentle hand landed on her shoulder, making her jump. Her eyes snapped open and fell straight into Joe's gentle gaze. He looked concerned, more concerned than she'd seen him look in a long time.

"Come on," he said quietly, offering her his hand. She hesitated and he nodded. "Let's get out of here, Lexy."

She took his hand, following him straight out the back door.