anatomy

Chapter 11

It takes a long time for Emilia to snap out of it, after her conversation with Dr. Kishitani. She spends the rest of her fall break thinking about, running through every detail of the conversation, every word that he said, every slight gesture he made, searching for some sort of meaning behind it all. Not for the first time, she wishes that she could see his face, just to be able to try to read into what he's thinking a little more.

She didn't tell Erika or Walker what she did, though both could tell that something was up, and asked her several times to tell them what was going on. It was too weird to admit that she had followed him around, and she knew she would look stupid for having done it, and for looking for deeper meaning in his words. She would look like she had hope for something between them, and there was nothing stupider than that.

So she kept it to herself and went home, unable to get it off her mind. He didn't say much, but she feels like he said a lot, and nothing really happened, but she feels like everything has changed, somehow. The long weekend passes slowly, and every minute of it that she's awake, she feels like she spends thinking about him, wondering about him, and waiting until Monday afternoon, when she'll get to see him again. Will anything actually be different once she sees him in person again?

In the back of her mind, she knows that she shouldn't expect it to be. There's no reason for anything to have changed between them, just because she pushed her boundaries more in a conversation, and came closer than ever to admitting that she had feelings for him.

Really, she should be tired of what will happen now. She should be terrified that he knows and that he'll treat her differently in a bad way, that he'll resent her or make fun of her for her crush. It's all but completely obvious now, and since there's no way in hell he could possibly feel the same way, that means that everything is ruined now. Everything is ruined, and she has nothing to feel happy about, but still she is somewhat giddy whenever she remembers talking to him, and whenever she remembers how close she felt to him for those few minutes.

What's going to happen and what's going to change? Will anything? Did she totally blow it? Is there anything even worth worrying about?

She gets roped into hanging out with Erika and Walker again before the weekend is over, and hopes to use that as a chance to take her mind off of things, but even that doesn't work, and they badger her about her strange behavior more, until she knows that she has to say something .

"I'm just...thinking about someone!"

"The guy you like?" Walker asks. "Erika says you told her, so I guess that means you don't want me to know? I really wouldn't tell anyone, you know..."

"Come on, Emichi, I think we've kept him in the dark long enough," Erika teases.

"It's...it's a teacher," she starts, and Walker nods.

"Yeah, that makes sense. Erika's got a thing for Miss Kujiragi, and I really don't blame her on that one. So? Which one is it for you?"

"Um...Dr. Kishitani."

At that, Walker smiles, and nods again. "Yeah, yeah, I can totally see that! It's not surprising at all, now that I think about it. Really, I kind of think I had a crush on him too, back when I had his class."

"Do teachers just not count as 3D for you, Yumachi?" Erika asks, raising a brow.

"It's not that they don't count as 3D, it's just that some of them are more 2D than other people, so I don't know where to classify them," he replies, as if that makes perfect sense, and to him, Emilia is sure that it does.

She's relieved that Walker reacts about as casually as Erika did, if not more so. Honestly, his reaction makes sense to her, and there was probably never any reason to try to keep it from him, especially not after she'd already told Erika.

"So, did something juicy happen?" asks Erika. "I mean, you just started acting this weird this weekend, so something new must have happened! Oh my god, was he the one you went to meet when you ditched us at the bookstore? Did you actually go out with him?!"

"No! I mean, yes, but no?" Emilia holds her hands up, to keep them quiet while she tries to explain herself. "I did see him, but we didn't meet up, or go out, or anything like that. I just saw him, and I kind of followed him? But nothing happened!" She lies about the last part, not sure that she wants them to know how deeply she's been reading into the conversation.

"Is this turning into a stalker story? Emichi, are you a yandere now?"

The conversation quickly derails from that point on.

~X~

Finally, the long weekend ends, and Emilia returns to school on Monday. As she would expect, the day drags by, and she both can't wait for her anatomy class and dreads it. Either everything will be different or nothing will, and she doesn't know which outcome she wants, which one will be best.

When she sits down in his classroom, in her usual seat, he is already there, and he doesn't pay any attention to her. He is busy with something, though she can't see what from where she is. She feels like she can barely breathe as she waits for the bell to ring and for him to begin class. And, even when he does, there's nothing to suggest that he acknowledges her, which means that nothing has changed at all.

She tries not to be disappointed.

Dr. Kishitani teaches his lesson, getting them right back into the swing of things after fall break, fending off any complaints by claiming that this is important material and that they can't afford to waste any time. She hangs onto every word, just as she always does, and tries to bury her disappointment. Class goes by too quickly for her liking, especially because of how long she feels like she's been waiting for it.

It isn't long before the final bell of the day rings, and already, she wonders how she's going to survive the wait for class the next day, as if she really expects something different to happen. By now, it must be too late, so there's nothing left for her to look forward to, now, or for the rest of the school year.

At least, that's what she's thinking while she's gathering her things and putting them in her backpack, putting it on and preparing to leave the classroom. That's what she thinks, but she still moves slowly, slow enough that the room is mostly empty when she walks toward the door, and Dr. Kishitani says, "Emilia, can I ask you to stay after class for a few moments?"