Night in the Ruts

Admittely, I'm an Ass - Steven

July, 1975

I'll admit.  I overreacted.  But who wouldn't?  It wasn't so much that I was pissed at her for cheating as it was worry that maybe she actually didn't cheat.  Because if it really is mine, then Charlie and I are done for.  Picture the scene:

        Walking down the street, hand in hand with my girlfriend.  "Oh," some random person says, "that's such an adorable baby you've got there!"

        I laugh.  Charlie laughs.  "Oh, no, sir," I say, still chuckling.  "This isn't ours... Well, it's mine, but it's my other girlfriend's.  Not Charlie's..."

        Horrible, right?  Yes.  While we were on tour, starting around March, Julia left to spend time with her family.  I didn't think much of it.  We flew back last night, and got back around two this morning.  It's now just a little after noon.

        "Listen, baby," Julia said nervously, pressed against me.  I've been convincing myself all tour to break up with her.  It's all out the window now.  "There's something... Something uh... You know... Um..."  She couldn't bring herself to say whatever it was.  I was starting to get a little nervous.  I haven't seen her in forever.  There's no possible way she could be–  "Pregnant," she mutters.

        "What?" I say.

        She looks at me, eyes, wide and terrified.  "Yeah.  Pregnant."

        "What?" I ask again.

        "I'm pregnant," she repeats, more sure of herself this time.

        My thoughts fly to Charlie.  What's she gonna think?  Oh, god, I'm dead.  So dead.  Charlie's gonna leave me and it's gonna break her heart and it's all my fault.  I mean, paranoia is a side effect of the drugs I'm currently hopped up on, but this isn't paranoia in the slightest.  This is the real fuckin' deal.

        And the emotion that chooses to take the place of fear is anger:

        "How the fuck is that possible?!" I demand.  Out of her pocket, Julia removes the test.  Sure enough.  She stands there, frozen, while I start pacing.  Joey and Brad look absolutely confused.  And then I see Joe and Annie emerging together from the bedroom, with fucking grins on their faces.  What's so fuckin' funny about all this?!

        The emotion that takes over is anger, again.  "Did you know about this?!" I demand.  Joe frowned and shook his head.  Annie however, was still trying not to smile.  It's the face she gets when she's guilty.  I know it all too well.  "You knew?" I nearly yell, walking around the couch so that I'm right in front of her.  "And you didn't tell?!  How long?!"

        And then her smile fades.  "Two days," she says with a shrug.

        "Oh," I mutter, unable to say anything else.  I run a hand through my hair, trying to think straight and form coherent thoughts.  "Two days.  That's good.  Two days.  Yes, okay."  I think I've gone into epileptic shock.  I give a thumbs up to everyone around the room.  "Great."

        She's only been pregnant for two days.  This is okay.  Not too long.

        "Julia," Joey says uncertainly, "I thought you were seeing family.

        Julia laughs hysterically.  I keep pacing.  "I was," she explains, "but came here when I felt sick."  I keep on pacing, making a point to ignore Joe and Annie's little squabble over God knows what.

        "Two days..." I keep muttering sporadically.

        "You haven't seen her for four months," Annie says, like she's bored, leaning against the back of the couch.