Lost Stars | Chaelisa

Chapter 21

5 years later...

My hands were sweating and I kept shifting in my seat. This is my first time speaking in front of a lot of people and I'm kinda nervous.

"It's your turn to speak. You can do it," said a staff member with a reassuring smile.

I smiled back. "Thanks."

I went up the platform and stood in front of dozens of young people. Several pair of eyes were staring back at me. Oh, fuck it. I cleared my throat and spoke.

"Hi, everybody. I'm Lisa Manoban, a recovered cocaine addict. First of all, I would like to thank the committee for inviting me here so I can share my experience with you guys. And hopefully, I could be helpful to you in some sort of way. A couple of years back, I was just like you. I was a troubled youth. When I was fifteen, my mom died and my dad married another woman. I was devastated and I ran away. I ended up in the streets and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. The other kids sold drugs for a living and that's what I did, too.

I had nobody. My mom was gone and I was angry at my dad for starting a new family. He didn't even bother looking for me. I mean, why would he when he had a chance to start over again? Why would he bother looking for a messed up kid like me? They have abandoned me. That's what I thought back then. I thought everything was unfair. There were a lot of nights when I cried myself to sleep. Other nights, I couldn't sleep at all because the emptiness devoured me. Those nights were the worst. It was like falling into a bottomless pit. It never ends. I wanted to feel something. Anything to make it stop. That's when I turned to drugs. I convinced myself it wasn't a big deal. The other kids were doing it, too. I didn't know any other way to make it through the day and I lived a life full of temporary highs.

At first, I thought losing people was the worst thing that could possibly happen to me until one day I looked in the mirror and I no longer recognized the person looking back at me. I hated myself. I guess it is one of those turning points in life where you just know you're not the same person you were before. My innocence was gone too soon and I constantly found myself mourning over it.

I was a very miserable and angry person. I hated everyone and everything. I'm sure a lot you felt that way, too. It's easy to reside in those feelings. It's easy to just blame everybody else for everything that went wrong in your life. It's easy to believe that nothing is ever your fault and there's nothing you can do about it. What's difficult is owning up to the bad decisions you've made and doing something about it.

I found it hard to let go of everything that hurt me. In the back of my mind, I wanted them to feel sorry for hurting me. I wanted them to feel my pain. Some people, whether they are aware of it or not, spend their whole lives waiting for an apology. But the harsh truth is not everyone will feel sorry for hurting you. Sometimes, not even the ones you loved the most. And you have to accept that. You have to realize that the only person you have control over is yourself. You just have to allow yourself to let go of all the hate because you deserve peace. You owe it to yourself.

Learning to love yourself again is a long process and it requires a lot of patience, but I promise you that it's worth it. You can start by doing what you love no matter how big or small it is. Do it even if it's just a hobby. I always loved photography and that's what I do for a living now. I have my own studio and it really makes me happy. Another important thing you need to learn is that it's okay to ask for help and to accept help. Doing so does not make you weak. It makes you human. Surround yourself with people who always support you. There were people who helped me in my healing process and I'm very grateful for them. Working on yourself is always gonna be worth it. Just keep on going. All you have to know is that YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH AND YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. Fuck everyone who tells you otherwise.

I guess that's all I have to say to you guys. I'd like to thank everyone again for having me. I hope you all have a wonderful evening ahead of you."

There was a round of applause.

"Well done, Lisa. Thank you for joining us today. We really appreciate it," said one staff member as he shook my hand.

"It was my pleasure. You're welcome."

The other staff members thanked me, as well. I was about to leave the room when I saw a familiar face smiling back at me.

"Chaeng, I'm so glad you're able to come," I said as I pulled her in for a hug.

"I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Great speech, by the way. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Chaeng."

"So, it's been years, huh? Can you believe it?"

"Yeah, but you haven't changed one bit. You're still as beautiful as I remembered."

"Stop it, Lisa. You're making me blush."

I chuckled. "I've missed you, Rosie."

"I've missed you, too, Lisa," she said. "Actually, I'll be staying in Seoul for a while. I'm gonna be co-producing some records."

"That's sick! I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks. By the way, I'm getting hungry. Do you wanna go get brunch?"

"Um. Brunch at 6 pm?"

"Why not?" she said looking all silly but cute.

I smiled at her. "Yeah, sure. Brunch it is."

---END---

And that's a wrap! Sorry if I went a little bojack horseman on you guys. Hope you enjoyed it though. 😊 If you have any suggestions on what I should write next, let me know. I'll be back after some time. I seriously need to go out more. 😂