My anchor.⚓

Chapter 2 - You're not okay

WARNING ⚠ :
This chapter contains self-harm.

Y/n's pov:

Sarah Paulson answered me. WHAT. I can't believe it. Am I dreaming?
I am shaking while I read her message.
'Sweetheart, what happened? I'm really worried about you.'
Then she had sent me another message
'Where are you? Please answer me ASAP and tell me that you're safe.'
I just sit on my bed and tears begin to fall on my cheeks. Sarah really answered me, but my message... Shit, I shouldn't have sent her that message. It was too much.
'And now, what can I say to her?'
I am so so so happy that she answered me, but maybe I bothered her and I don't know what she would think about me. But I have to answer her anyway.
'I'm so sorry I bothered you. I just had a bad moment and I wrote all that... It was childish of me. I'm safe... Sorry again.'
I look at my message with a lot of questions in my mind, but I send it.
'It's pathetic. She has already forgotten about this. Obviously.' I whisper to myself.
I go out of my room and I decide to go out.
My mom sees me. 'Where are you going?' she says.
'I'm going for a walk.' I say and I leave without waiting for her answer.
I can't stop thinking about Sarah, my message, her messages. Did she really answer me?

I can't stop thinking. The flow of my thoughts doesn't stop, it hurts so much. My mind never stops... I left my house 4 hours ago and nobody got worried for me. What a surprise. It's the same fucking story everyday. Fuck. I hate everyone so much, but especially I hate myself.
And of course, Sarah didn't answer. What did I expect? She has her life, her things to do, her work. Everyone's so busy with their own lives. I am so patetich and childish.

It's 8pm and I decide to come back home. I open the door and, of course, my mother begins to yell at me.
'Where the fuck have you been?' she screams.
'Now you care? You didn't even called me!' I say, tears begin to fall.
'Go in your room and don't leave it until tomorrow.' She replies.
I just go upstairs without saying anything. I go in my room e start to cry harder. I hate my life. Why do they treat me like this? I can't understand. They just make my life worse.
I go in my bathroom and I take my razor blade. I press it on my wrist. It begins to bleed. I can't stop. I press it deeper. I can't feel anything. Even the razor blade doesn't make me feel better anymore.
I stop. I decide to take a shower.
After the shower I put on my pj's and I put a bandage on my wrist. It still bleeds.
I go back to my room and I lay on the bed. I hear the sound of a notification, I take my phone.
She answered me, AGAIN. I read the message:
'Oh my God, I'm glad you're safe. I got scared, I had to work all day but I couldn't stop thinking about you and your message. Are you online? How are you? Did you hurt yourself, what happened?'
My hands start to shake. I'm dreaming or what. This can't be true. Okay, I have to stay calm. I smile while reading again and again the message. She's so fucking sweet, she remembered the message. I have to reply.
'Yes, I'm online. And I'm okay... I think. I didn't hurt myself. I had a fight with my parents and I just overreacted. Thank you for remembering and caring for me.'
I put down my phone and I can’t stop smiling.
SARAH PAULSON ANSWERED ME TWICE!!! AND SHE SAID THAT SHE COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT ME!!! I'm screaming inside.
After two minutes she answers me again.

@mssarahcatharinepaulson : I'm happy that you wrote. And don't thank me. But especially, you didn't bother me! Are you sure that you're okay? You can talk to me, if you want. I'm here for you, honey. ♥️

HONEY.
AND A HEART.
OH MY GOD. She wants to kill me or what.
I try to calm myself.

@y/n : I don't know what to say. You're so sweet... And you're Sarah Paulson!! You can't waste your time writing me. Anyway, I'm really okay. Don't worry ♥️

I start to cry. I'm not okay, but I can't disturb her and I can’t tell her the truth.

@mssarahcatharinepaulson : I'm not wasting my time. I really care. Less than 24 hours ago you weren't okay, you wrote me that message. You're not okay, tell me the truth please.

Shit. And now? I will just tell the truth. Nothing bad can happen, it's Sarah... I begin to write and when I finish I realize that I got involved too much. I just send the message and turn off my phone. Too much feelings.
Why does she care?
'Maybe I'm just dreaming' I whisper and a tear falls down my cheek. I fall asleep crying.

@y/n : You're right. I'm not okay. My life sucks and it gets worse day after day. I have no one. Even my parents hate me and I'm so tired to live this way. Everyday is a fucking battle with myself, maybe I'm just out of my mind. I'm a fucking idiot. Sorry for bothering you (REALLY), you can just go on with your life without thinking about me. It will be ok.

Hey people :)
I'm trying my best to write a good story. It's hard for me because there are a lot of personal things in this story, but I want to write it anyway.
Please let me know what you think.
♥️💕