Happy, young and In love with my dads best friend.

seventeen.

it's been 2 years since Mikes children died. A rough 2 years. The first year was the worst, which is expected. He was a mess, drinking all the time. By the time the first year ended, he started using. I didn't know it for awhile, but one night was to obviously, like he wanted me to know. He wasn't there, mentally. Couldn't barely move. That was 6 months ago, and I haven't seen him in 5 months. I couldn't do it anymore, be with an addict and a drunk. All he was, was a body and it was like he had been taken from everything. He was dealing with the pain, yes but he could of died at the state he was in and if he kept continuing doing it all. I talked him into rehab, thats were he's been for the last 5 months. I haven't went to see him, I don't know what to say. I haven't really processed it, if he doesn't get better I didn't want to be around. I don't like drunks, or addicts. At some point they will turn violent, you'll see them and not even know who they have become. Kind of like my dad, who was currently still in prison. Don't really know how he's been or what he's up to, and I really don't give a shit. He's dead to me, my dad is. Fuck him.

I was on my way to my boring ass 9-5 desk job, I worked front desk at a doctors office and I'm 19 now. I've been through some shit, learned a lot and just want to keep moving forward. Bella now lives 5 hours away, but we keep in contact a lot. Skye has 2 kids now, she met an amazing man who treats her like gold and they moved to California so he could live out his producer dreams. But here I am, broken and living a boring ass life. My mom is doing amazing, traveling all around the world on business trips and I talk to her once a week. I've been staying in her apartment, with her dog Cleo. because I can't bring myself to go back to Mikes, which was once such a happy place and then just turned darker by the day. My brothers are in their last year of college, I don't speak to them much considering they are shoved up my dads ass half the time, they want to keep mooching off his bank account so whatever. Mike is supposed to be coming home in 3 days. 3 days. My mind has been a bunch of shit all in one and I don't know how to even feel, what to say, what to do. I know things aren't going to be picking up where they left off, there's going to be a lot of talking and adapting, understanding. But I'm willing to try, I'm willing to talk and I'm just praying like hell he can stay sober.

I pull into the parking lot, I start making my way to the side door when someone catches up to me. "Hey Paisley, have a good weekend?" It was Josh, he was a doctor here. We've always had kind of a friendly relationship, teasing each other . I just smile at him and nod, "how about you?" I ask. We talked the whole way in until we had to part ways. I sit down at my desk, and jump right into work. I mean I didn't hate my job, but it did have some boring ass days and some days felt like they'd never end.

As I'm logging off my computer, and gather up all my things; Josh starts making his way towards me. "Hey so, I was just wondering, if you're not seeing anyone I mean, if you'd maybe come out with me tonight?" I just looked at him, a small smirk on my face as I tell him, "you know my situation and why I'm going to have to say no, again." He just smiles, nodding his head because he knows. He knows Mike, wasn't close to him but knew him. It was one of our first conversations we had together, because Mike would call everyday when he first got to rehab and I'd never answer the calls because I was afraid. I am afraid. "Well, hopefully you'll know for sure soon, so I can get you that long awaited dinner." He winks at me after he says this, which does make my cheeks blush bright read. "Yep, we will." I smile and start to make my way towards the exit.
When I said I was afraid, I am. Afraid of who Mike is going to be when he comes home. Did it help him? Will he go bad to using and drinking? Is he going to be the Mike I know and so deeply love? Has the drugs messed with his head, permanently? Only one way to find out and I am terrified to find out, expecting the absolute worse of course. But my thing with Josh, oh he is so fucking cute. He's 2 years younger than Mike, making him 28 and Mike 30 now. He has amazing soft features with soft brown eyes, tall and handsome. But I try to keep a fine line between us, he knows I carry a lot of baggage, although he doesn't know everything. Oh my god why would I tell ANYONE everything If they didn't live through it with me, I'd be crazy too. I've moved on a lot, having my job for almost a year now, and doing pretty good if I say myself. I can't complain, but soon I'm going to have to face my biggest fear and come face to face with the man that I love, hoping he's the man I always knew.