THE DEPRESSING WISHLIST

1

'Hello'

'Hello, welcome to SH India, we will connect you to someone shortly' said the machine.

'Oh please, someone, please. I just feel empty!' I shouted.

Sitting in my room alone, I dialled for Suicide Helpline India. Twelve weeks have passed and I am nowhere near to my normal state.

'Hello, I am here to help you' said a sweet voice.

I cut the call. It has been thrice this week, the calls to the helpline. I just can't bear it anymore. No, I am not going to do anything dramatic. 'Depressed' they call me. Yeah, right I am fucking depressed. And, nobody gives a shit about it. I swear.

Anyway, I haven't slept for weeks, properly. My place is a mess and I have not spoken to anyone. So before I 'exit', you should know what happened. Everyone in the world should know what the fuck happened to Rudra Neeraj Mehta. It might sound normal or even a cliché or oh, what the hell, just 'another everyday problem'.

I wish I could feel that. I also wish that I was normal too.

Let me introduce my-glorious-self.

I am Rudra Neeraj Mehta, daughter of a single woman, a high society aristocrat and well accomplished writer. I lived in the suburbs near to the sea in Kerala with my mother after we shifted from U.P. The man who married my mother was from Kerala, and my mom loved this place. I never understood why people in love could be so stupid and surround themselves in the things that hurt them the most.

Well, I lived there till my mother died last year. Yeah, she died from cardiac arrest during her sleep. I shifted to Delhi when I got my job. I am 24 years old working as a general manager in this huge electronic store. I earn lots of money, which I can't even put to use. It is all under a joint account, because I was married to an idiot pretty recently, changed my surname. I don't know where he is now...

I was a very good girl. I mean, I had high moral standards compared to my classmates from school, batch-mates from college, my friends from work, even my so-called-husband. I was your average student but I topped in college and that is how I have a big fat sum at the end of every month. Sounds very nice, you might say. Shameless, selfish creature who complains of her life when she has everything. Some might think, death is normal and that guy does not even deserve you. If you are the ones who are reading my book, congratulations because you have no fucking clue. So quit reading, and watch some soap serials or cuddle with your girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever.

It is almost 2 am in the morning, I have loads of juice in my laptop. Therefore, I decided to write till it shuts down. After all, I am stuck in this stupid world with zero moral standards. And, I have nothing to lose.