THE MONSTER INSIDE OF ME

"hold me" - Airbender Yunho

Tears are streaming down your face as you're running through the cool night. You know your way, you know exactly where you want to go. Quick steps are taking you to a bridge where you break down at the balustrade. You grasp at the cold metal of the bars and look through them down to the roadway. "I hate this. I hate this so much!" You sob so hard that you can barely even understand yourself. It's so late that the roadway isn't even that busy anymore and no one seems to be around. Your life is just the biggest mess right now. School is stressing you out, you had to move to another city and leave all your friends and your family behind. You are struggling financially and you just can't find a job to do part time. You barely can pay your rent and you feel so lonely and depressed all by yourself. You have a hard time making friends so you don't even really have anybody to talk to. Everything just seems to break into pieces and you  can't do anything about it. You want to end it. You don't want to do this anymore. You are just mentally so drained that you can't handle all of this anymore. So you get up and look down, your hands lying on the balustrade. Your sobbing gets a little quieter as you watch single cars driving down the roadway. Watching the yellow lights growing while coming up to you and the red lights fading in the distance. You are tired. You feel numb. You can't think of anything right now. Light fog is leaving your lips as you're breathing through your opened mouth. You don't even feel the cold anymore. You close your eyes for a second and feel a cool breeze coming up, gently blowing through you hair. As you open your eyes again, you lift your one leg to climb over the balustrade so you are standing on the edge, holding onto the cold metal bars behind you while you're looking down. You just have to wait for a truck or a bus and then...Then you just let go and everything will be over. It doesn't take much to bring it to an end. As you're standing there, watching these cars passing by, you start sobbing again. You are afraid that it might go wrong. What if you survive? Everything would be even worse then...You take some deep breaths. Why is no f*cking truck on this road?! You look over to the other lane which isn't busier at all. Then suddenly you hear a voice behind you. "Do you really want to do this?" you startle and turn your head around, almost letting off of the handrail. "W-what? Who are you?!" You see a tall guy standing on the other side of the bridge, leaning on the other balustrade. "Someone who didn't expect to see a girl jumping off a bridge tonight." You just look at him, watch him smile while you are about to jump to your death. "Leave me alone!" you shout and look back at the road. "You know..." He slowly walks over to your side of the handrail but keeps quite a distance from you. He bends over a little to look at the road. "It's all about the right timing. If you miss it, you are screwed." He looks over to you and smiles gently. "And I'm not sure if you want to risk it." You look at him in disbelief. Is this really his only concern? That you might miss the right timing? On the other hand - what do you even expect? He doesn't even know you. You shake your head and look back straight. "Why do you want to do that?" He asks calmly and you furl your eyebrows, your eyes still on the road. "What do you even care?" you ask and he just shrugs, without you even seeing it. "Nobody else seems to do so, right?" You turn your head to look at him and the tears are coming up again. "What do you even know?" Your voice is cracking and you start to sob a little again. He bobs up, leaves on hand lying on the handrail while slowly walking a few steps up to you. His hand glides over the cold metal and you watch him walking towards you. "Nothing, that's why I'm asking." He seems so calm and that makes him even scarier. You hold tight onto the rail and move to the side a little, trying not to slip or lose the balance. "Go away! Don't come near me!" You shout and he stops. He leans to the side a little and rests his body on his elbow on the rail. He looks you over and sighs internally. "There has to be something." He says and you look at him with a questioning look on your face. "What do you mean?" He looks back to the road and shrugs once again. "Something to live for. Something that reminds you that life is not all in vain." "Do I look like there is something to live for?!" You get frantic. He looks back at you and smiles the softest smile. "Not yet." Not yet? What does he even mean? You look at this soft smile on his face and you can't help but feel weird about it. Your heart skips a beat and you feel a weird sensation in your stomach. Can he stop?! Where did he even come from?! You just silently look at him and he tilts his head a little. "Come over." he says quietly and reaches out to you, slowly walking up to you again. You look at his hand and a cold breeze is coming up again. Should you trust him? Can you trust him? You look up from his hand to his face and he looks so gentle, so sincere as he almost reaches you. You swallow and you slowly turn a little, about to grab his hand while you are shaking like crazy, when in this moment, a truck comes by and honks so loudly, that you startle and lose your balance. You couldn't even reach his hand anymore to hold onto it so everything that happens now seems like it's happening in less than a second. Your heart drops as you fall off the bridge, no time for thoughts, for any reaction. Your soul leaves your body right in this moment and as you think everything is over, you feel a strong wind coming up, catching you before you can hit the road. You just float there for a second and you are so out of your mind that you can't even think anything about it. You get lifted up as if by magic and find yourself on the bridge again, right infront of this guy which is reaching his hand to your direction and as your feet touch the ground, he lets his hand slowly sinking down and the wind around you just disappears all of a sudden. But so does your strength as you are just about to collaps, when he catches you and holds you tight. He slowly crouches down with you in his arms so you can sit for a moment as you start crying like you never cried before. Your heart is racing, your whole body is shaking and tears are running down your face. You almost died just a second ago. How can you sit here now? What did even happen?! Where did this wind come from and...Did this guy just safe you...? But how is this even possible? He looks at you, still holding you in his arms. "Are you okay?" he asks and you look at him but everything is blurry from the tears. You're just sobbing, not able to say anything. He wraps his arms tighter around your small body, pressing you against his, taking you in a warm, comforting hug. You bury your face in his shoulder and feel all the burden falling off of you right in this moment. He feels so warm, so safe. He gently rubs your back and the other hand is brushing through your hair, trying to calm you down. "Sshh. Nothing happened. You are safe." he whispers and you lift your head to look at him. Now that you are that close, you can take a proper look at his face. His big puppy eyes, looking at you, make you all soft on the inside. "What...what did just happen?" you ask with a weak voice. He smiles, wiping away your tears with his thumb. "I guess your guardian angel was at the right place at the right moment." he answers and your sobbing slowly comes to and end as you're just looking at him with big eyes. Did this have to happen? Was that a sign or something? It can't be a coincidence that he appears out of nowhere right in this moment...Can it? Your heart keeps beating so fast and strong that you almost can feel it in every part of your body. He looks over your face, only a few inches are between you and him. But he loosens the hug and leans you against the balustrade. You are still shaking as hell, so he takes off his jacket to put it around your shoulders. You can't say anything but just look at him. He turns around and bends over a little, signalizing you to get on his back for a piggy back ride. You really aren't the type for such things but you are still in shock and your legs feel like jelly. So you lean forward and carefully wrap your arms around his neck while you climb on his back. He gets up and places his hands under your legs to hold you as he starts walking slowly. You two are quiet for a moment and you just look over his shoulder at the ground infront of you. "How did you do that?" you ask after a little while and look at his profile. He just smiles. "We have all been through some hard times in our lives." he starts and sighs, still smiling. "They called me monster when I was a child..." You listen carefully to what he is about to say as you place your chin on his shoulder. It is quite a way to get to your home, so he will probably have enough time to tell you about what just happened. About how he just saved your life. And you probably won't ever be able to thank him enough.

He saved you on so many levels...