The REAL Homestuck Epilogues

Meat (3)

    > John: Zap.

You shamelessly zap a pile of garbage back into canon. Of course, you had to take yourself with it to leave it behind, but still. It's a considerably large pile. It's been so long since you've been in canon, you'd forgotten what it feels like. The atmosphere smacks unmistakably of... How can you describe it? Relevance? Legitimacy? Gross. 

It takes you a moment to realize exactly where you are. It looks like your old living room on Jade's golden battleship, still in relatively good condition, too. You get slapped in the face with the backhand of nostalgia. 

JOHN: wow...
JOHN: i really,
JOHN: really
JOHN: hated waiting around in here.

You barely have any time to allow the memories of the tangled squid plushies and the tower of movie DVDs to set in, though. The fridge pops open and out roll Aranea and Gamzee. Gamzee honks and his codpiece jiggles ominously. Aranea staggers to her feet, looking rather pleased with herself. Until she notices you and gapes in bewilderment.

ARANEA: What are you doing here?!

    > It's perfectly clear what you have to do next.

Hell yeah it is. You make a fist, and you don't even care that you vaguely resemble that weird Arnold meme Dave dug up. You try to keep it as gentle as a hard hit can be, but still, you hit Aranea pretty fucking hard, underestimating your own strength just as badly as you did the last time you clobbered a helpless Serket. She goes flying back, hits the couch, and KOs instantly into a pile of Smuppets. You then take her wrist in your hand, slide the ring off her finger, and pocket it.

JOHN: bitch. 

    > Isn't there something you're forgetting?

Gamzee stares up at you with his horrible, limpid eyes. There's something serene, sinister, and sensual all at once about the look he's laying on you. It sends a shiver up the whole length of your spine. Fuck no.

Without taking your eyes off of him, you slowly walk over to your pile of garbage and rummage around aimlessly for a moment. Then, wrapping your hands around the middle of the darn thing, you pull out an unopened bottle of Faygo you'd picked up last time you took a visit to the troll kingdom. This stuff is fucking disgusting, but hey, if it'll keep the clown docile, you guess it's good for something. 

Gamzee's eyes widen at the sight of his precious, holy elixir in your grasp. He honks weakly in an attempt to beg for the liquid of his people. 

GAMZEE: hOnk
JOHN: what, you want this?
GAMZEE: hOnk

There's something different in his expression now. Hope? Joy, maybe? You don't know, but what you do know is that he murdered a lot of people for no apparent reason. But, you guess everyone deserves a second chance or whatever.

Except for Caliborn.

The little shit.

You toss the bottle over to the juggalo. He yanks it out of the air anxiously, gently holding it in his hands with an expression of total bewilderment. While he's distracted, you put both hands on his chest and shove him back into your childhood fridge. He goes easily, issuing only a pair of weak honks in protest. 

JOHN: really?
JOHN: that's it?
JOHN: no...
JOHN: murderous backlash?
GAMZEE: hOnk :O)

Gamzee's eyes meet your own, and he smiles. Not his crazy clown smile, but a nice smile, a thank-you smile. You feel a twinge of guilt as you shut the refrigerator door on him, but then you look back at Aranea and feel no further remorse whatsoever. You're okay with the trolls you won the game with. Karkat, Vriska... Terezi. 

Maybe you'll bring them back to see their friend. Maybe.

Eh, you're not in the mood right now. Besides, time to get back to work on the house.

    > Zap back into post-canon.

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Picture found from a Reddit post on r/homestuck by AlphabetSausage