Heaven Burns

Water! Water! Water!

Reyna's POV

"Any news yet?" I asked, having watched Thia for some time now. She sat cross legged meditating with a look of concentration upon her face.
"No," came the frustrated reply. "I don't understand. Why? Why is she being silent now when we need answer?"
Thia's eyes opened and I was surprised to see the amount of quiet anger in them. "I'm sorry. I wish I had an answer, but I do know how that goes. My mother was silent a majority of my life."
"I just feel useless. Useless like I used to," Thia admitted, her gaze settling on the dusty floor. "We can't help anyone because of me."
"That's not true. Things are hard enough because of the obstacles we've faced. Everyone's gone silent, even the gods," I reminded.
"But I'm the savior."
"You're also human," I insisted. "Human first, savior second."
Thia nodded in resigned understanding though she seemed displeased by my reasoning. "I'm going to go check on the others."
She stood slowly before striding out of the building in two big steps. It was times like now that I was reminded how much she was like her mother. Stubborn, hard on herself, and too quick to feel like a failure.
Sighing, I settled back down and moved to pull Thalia close. She hardly ever slept so late, and frankly I was worried for her. Carefully examining her metallic arm it was more than a relief to see that the frostbite was nearly gone. But for the disappearance of physical injury I couldn't help but worry about the appearance of psychological injury. Knowing she'd cried herself to sleep the previous night hurt.
"Thals?" Part of me was hesitant to wake her but the other knew we needed to talk while we could. "You awake?"
"Mmm?" Thalia rolled over awkwardly, with wild hair, a tired expression, and pouted lips.
"Hey." Smiling, I tried to coax her awake with a few soft kisses but she seemed content on not moving. "Oh, come on. Don't be like that."
"Shhh," Thalia sighed, though even her sigh seemed sad. "It's quiet. I forget what it sounds like sometimes."
"I know you don't want to talk, but we need to. At least while we can." She opened her right eye to look at me before grudgingly opening the other. Running a hand through her hair I tried to tame it as best as I could. It was no use. "You wanna tell me what you were upset about?"
"No," she grunted, glaring up at the drooping ceiling. "But I have to because you're my wife and you asked nicely."
"You don't have to," I promised, but Thalia had already made up her mind. Even if she didn't necessarily want to tell me about what was bothering her, some part of her wanted-no needed-to talk about it.
"I feel...slow," Thalia sighed, "old. I know I'm not. I know I haven't aged a single fucking day but somehow I feel like I have. I hate it. I want to be like I used to. Where doing things didn't hurt so much. Sometimes I just want to lay down and not have to worry about whether or not I should take my prosthetics off, or be able to climb a mountain without having to worry if my body can keep up, and that's not going to happen. It won't ever happen. And I hate it."
As she spoke, I noticed the shimmer of tears in her eyes and I knew she was thinking back on past years. The way we'd play soccer in New Rome, wrestled just for fun, taken on the world feeling like nothing could stop us, and living the way we wanted to. That was gone now, to an extent, but it hadn't vanished yet. "I know, Thals. I feel that way too. It makes me just as sad but this is our last hurrah, okay?"
"I just feel guilty because I wouldn't be bothering with this if it weren't for Thia," Thalia sniffled, wiping angrily at her eyes. "I wouldn't care if everything exploded. I just don't want her to be alone in this and I can't leave her alone. Not when she's back."
"No ones saying you should, and you don't need to feel guilty." Taking her hands in mine, I captured her gaze with my own. "I wouldn't be doing this either. Not if it weren't for Thia or Emily or any of the others in our family. If things blew up I'd be okay with it too. But after this? After this we don't have to worry anymore, okay? The kids can handle it all."
"I don't want them to have to handle this," Thalia protested, "I don't want them to end up like this. Like me!"
"Thalia, as much as you don't want to hear it, and as much as I don't want to think about it, the best we can do is be there for people when they need us. We can't prevent Thia from ever being hurt. It's impossible. We learned that already in numerous ways. We just have to love her."
Thalia forced her eyes shut and she rolled onto her side. "I'm tired, Rey."
"I know." Sighing, I did what I could to comfort her. I ran a hand through her hair, traced shapes on her shoulder, and whispered words of assurance.
The morning was quiet, and I realized that Luke had left some time ago. Part of me wanted to stay there with Thalia, because I wondered if she had the strength to bear another day. If anything, if the universe was kind, I hoped it wouldn't be challenging. I hoped some good however small it was could come out of our previous struggle.
"They're up and awake," Thia noted, entering the home once more. "I can find food if you and Mama want to sleep in."
"It's okay," Thalia rasped, "I'll get it."
She sat up tiredly and collected her bow, shuffling out without another word. Thia gave me a questioning look but I had no explanation to really offer. The last thing I needed to do was worry her with trivialities that Thalia and I were feeling run down.
— — —
Breakfast consisted of a handful of berries, two scrawny birds, and some grass for the Pegasi who'd come back after the wolves ran off. When everyone seemed relatively okay with moving on Thia awkwardly explained that she had no idea what path we ought to take. It was decided that at least going straight couldn't harm anyone. We could always go directly back the way we came.
Saddled up, uncomfortable, and thoroughly tired, we set on in the desired direction. Talk remained at a minimum and the occasional blip of conversation was nothing of entertainment. It seemed everyone was tired, unenthused, and ready to go home.
The only real conversation was between Thia and Leah. The riding arrangement had been changed so that only Luke and Jamie rode together. Snippets of the conversation reached me and I couldn't help but interject at the mention of Sila. "You saw him?"
"Yeah," Thia nodded. "I thought I told you."
"You may have and I just forgot or you forgot to mention it," I shrugged. Thalia remained quiet but I could tell she was interested by the conversation. "What did he need from you?"
"I sought him out," Thia explained. She sighed, collected her thoughts, and began to recount her time there. She went through the vague training they'd done. Something about tapping into her powers and needing to let go of things. It wasn't until she mentioned Leah that something clicked.
"Oh no," Thalia whispered, seeming to come to the same conclusion I had.
"I don't know if that's why I'm not getting any messages or not," Thia sighed, " but if it is I think that's stupid. I mean, I love you, why would I let go of that?"
Leah glanced in my direction and it seemed she understood what Thalia and I had. Part of me wanted to reassure her, but the other wasn't sure what to do exactly. Thia in all of her beautiful innocent and naive stupidity was the cause of her own current frustration with Order and everyone knew it but her.
"This just reached a whole new level of awkward," Andy whispered from beside me.
"Remind me to talk with you when we stop," Leah mumbled.
"Sure," Thia smiled.
The silence was even more suffocating now. The only break in it was when Jamie began to hum 'I'm a Little Tea Pot' much to his own amusement. It surprised me that out of everyone he was taking things the best. Then again, this had to be better than trembling in the dark confines of a room terrified that a titan was going to tear him apart. For him? This was a vacation. One I was glad he got to have for the time being.
After another hour or so of painful saddle riding, we came across a secluded lake. It was the first large body of water any of us had seen in what felt like years. Any and all pessimism vanished as excitement rippled through the group. pegasi and all.
"Water!" Marianna squealed, practically falling off of her Pegasi and running into the lake.
"If you get a tapeworm I'm not going in that water," Andy shook his head defiantly. "I don't care how badly I want to shower."
"Your inner Venus is showing," Thia teased.
"Water! Water! Water!" Jamie chanted, as Luke settled the young boy on his shoulders. "Water! Water! Water!"
"That's the spirit kiddo," Luke grinned. "You ever been in a lake before?"
"There whales in there?" Jamie asked skeptically.
"No," Luke snorted.
"Crack hens?"
"Krakens? No."
"Jumbo shrimpies?"
"No."
"Godzilla?"
"Absolutely not."
"Boring," Jamie sighed, but his smirk hinted at the humor in his words.
"I remember when you used to be like that," I smiled at Thia whilst clambering off the Pegasus and helping Thalia down.
"I wish I could say me too but I have no memory of being like that," Thia smiled bashfully.
"You want to wash up?" I asked, turning my attention back to Thalia.
"In a bit. My ass hurts," she whined. "And I need to stretch. Frankly, everything is sore."
"I'm sorry." Kissing her cheek I let her wander about while I unhooked the pegasus' saddle. I could only imagine how stiff the poor Pegasi were if we were all feeling like shit. As if to prove my point, they all tramped into the water too. Jamie was very pleased by this and he reminded me mildly of Tyson with his fascination with animals.
"You want to wait until they're all done?" I asked, watching Thalia do a few hesitant squats.
"Why do you ask?"
"Mini impromptu date?"
"Why not? I need something not life threatening for once," she frowned, still unsatisfied with the stiffness in her limbs. "Will this date involve giving me a new and improved body equipped to handle long horse back rides?"
"Probably not," I laughed.
"Eh, I guess I'll accept," she teased. Though she wouldn't say it I could tell part of her felt bad for how she'd been in the morning, but I didn't blame her. She had her days and I had mine. Hell, I only recently opened up about depression running in the family. If she was okay with me after that then I didn't care what kind of mood she was in. There was no way I was getting rid of her.
"Love you," I smiled.
"I love you too," she promised.