Incognito

Always Accountable

When you were young- the killers.

They say the devil's water

It ain't so sweet

You dont have to drink right now

But you can dip your feet

Every once in a little while

(Start at minute 1:30 on youtube video)

~

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the difference between a metahuman's blood circulation compared to a regular joe's like Joshua over here." The bell rings soon after the agonizing lecture comparing blood is complete. Alex and I are literally falling asleep, no buzz of coffee helping either of us. Our big benchmark is tomorrow and we stayed up all night studying together. It wasn't until this year until I had a regular FaceTime basis with Alex. He knows everything about metahumans, so he hasn't had a problem with it. His father intensely studies metas for a living so it isn't a surprise to me. He's just kind enough to help me with it.

Once we are released, we head to the stairs, where we depart. I stay on the second floor and he leaves for the first. I wave goodbye and look to where I am walking. I spot Ryder, my heart beating a little faster. He has friends surrounding him as if something big is coming up. He's smiling like crazy, a smile I haven't seen from him in quite a while. I had no idea what it could be until it finally registered in my head. One of the guys shifts his weight and I see a bouquet of roses gripped tightly in his hands as if he is afraid of dropping them. They are flaming in maroon and wine colors. He dresses abnormally today, wearing a fitted, blue button-up and dress pants. I guess I am so concentrated on him and his shocking actions, that I stop the world without noticing it. Usually, when I pause time, it will take around five seconds until supers are able and aware to move. So, I take this moment and savor it. He looks so stunning, and for a split second, not even for that long, it dawned on me that it might, just maybe, be possible for me. As if he has come to his senses that I am made for him, or at least that we are supposed to be together. Then it hit me like a train. Violet.

Ryder has dressed up, with flowers in his hands for everyone to see, so he could ask her formally to homecoming. My stomach turns, the feeling of nausea ceases to end. How stupid am I to even think about such a thing?

Violet, the flawless example of perfection, doesn't even know what's coming and yet, she doesn't even know how much she's caused pain to me. He must really like her, he's never done anything like this before. It definitely tops proposing in front of the cafeteria like how others have done consecutively. Internally shaking my head, I walk past him as soon as time begins again, hoping he'd see me, but at the same time I don't. I want him to see that I noticed, but I don't want him to see how hurt I am at the moment. Why am I not good enough for him? Why is he always accountable for such emotional torture?

This may seem dramatic, but if only you knew how much I've gone through to be his go-to gal. I feel like the world hates me. I've let my heartbreak millions of times because of this one, silly boy. This kid who I love no matter what he does to me. Then, Violet emerges from her classroom, and Ryder's crew disperses in respect of their privacy. The pair walk out of the way of the crowd, words are exchanged and the proximity between them closes as she hugs him after receiving the beautiful bouquet. He asks her to go to homecoming with him, just like any other big proposal. She agrees without a moment of hesitation. All at that instant, within the whirl of glee, she confesses that she loves him, to his utter astonishment. He only smiles, thoughts probably drowning in his head, and pulls her jet black hair under her ear. Something switches between them, a different sort of aura from the clashing of two separate understandings. My eyes seared in heat, tears daring to fall from the dams of my eyes when viewing this encounter. I can barely take it, and I run into someone without even noticing. I just keep going, unaffected by the arm collision. The voice I hear is familiar, but I don't try to look. I need to get to class, and I need to forget that this ever happened, but the image of him can't get out of my head. Mostly, because that's all I ever dreamed of him doing with me.

At lunch, what I looked forward to for the first time, is actually the worst. I vent to Julie and Alex about Ryder, who I already noticed is sitting with Violet. Though, to my disappointment, they act the worst about it. Julie confesses how badly she wants to be Violet, and it's not because she likes Ryder or anything, just how he asked her. She makes me wary, knowing that I am stuck on him but yet she is super happy for Violet. She's slowly siding with the enemy. Oh and let's not even mention Alex. Ugh, they make me want to scream on top of my lungs even more than I already do now. He actually admits that he was in it the entire time. He knew about Ryder's proposal but yet it never occurred to him that this would affect me. This is a big moment, yet they forget the small detail of my compulsion. By third period, I am officially done with everything. I'm sick of everyone and every little detail of school. I just want to go home, cry it off, and maybe paint something satirical until the daylight ends.

"Are you okay?" Daniel grabs my wrist before letting me enter our class. I look down to where he holds a light grip on me, his hand seems so large and warm against my arm. Ironic at how cold I certainly feel at the moment within my attitude. He obviously seems worried, with his brows furrowed and lips pouted. I smile curtly and say that I'm fine. Though my mind and eyes say otherwise and I'm worried that he will see through it so I fumble around with my hair until Josh comes. It's like a nightmare every time he comes in contact with me. He thinks he's everything and that everyone loves him, but it's not true, I don't. Daniel lets go, giving up on me. He can tell that if I tried, I'd most likely cry in frustration. He might be our age, but he's also our teacher. He must be careful about that. Though, when class is in session and questions are to be called onto the students, it occurs to Daniel that it would be okay to disturb the only emotionally distressed girl in the entire forty kids. He's always called on me when questions need to be answered and it's not just because I'm smart, but also because I'm the one closest to him. I can say that we are justifiably friends, per se. My lack of interest and insensitivity earns a stern look from him, his inner teacher revealing.

When the class is assigned to read a chapter on the second phase of meiosis in detail, I find a note in my lap, thrown by Daniel. He slouches in his wheelie chair that spins, one hand twiddling with a pen and the other behind his neck.

'I know you aren't.' I read his handwriting in perfect cursive, almost better than mine.

'Don't worry about me.' Hopefully, he'll forget about it when he begins to grade our assignments from this week.

"You knocked into me, you know. I deserve, by the least, an explanation.'

'That was you? I'm sorry!'

'You don't need to be if you tell me what you were running away from. I believe I can help.' Gosh, why does he have to be so stubborn?

'look, it's nice that you're asking, but I don't feel like talking about it.'

'OK, but please, just know that I'm always up for a chat.'

'Thanks.'

I look over to him and smile lightheartedly. At least someone cares. I still can't believe that Julie and Alex overpassed my affliction. How can Daniel read me, but not my own best friends?

~

It's five-thirty, exactly after my Helping Hands club meeting finishes and I'm heading towards the second building's rooftop just like my random text instructed me to do. I feel stupid for not asking Josh why he sent that to me in the third period but I just got so caught up with Ryder and Daniel's ambiguity. As soon as I open the doors, I drop the bags that I trudged over herewith. This is unbelievable.

^^^^^ 

Daniel to the side