So hold me tight, I swear I'm golden.
"Look, I don't care who the fuck it is, just tell me you're busy and don't lie to me, okay?"
I was upset. Once again, I come see Rakim at the Siren and there's one of his stripper ass hoe friends in the office with him.
"We just talked."
He defended himself.
"Sure, like that first time when there was lipstick on your yellow t-shirt. But I guess that's just talking."
I reminded him.
"That was different. It wasn't how it is now."
I flopped my ass on the couch, looking up at him.
"And what might that be?"
My tone of voice changed.
"Please, tell me; what are we doing?"
I saw that look in his eyes; I've seen it times before.
It was hesitation; he was unsure of whatever we got going on.
"What do you want me to do?"
He took a seat next to me.
"I don't know."
I was honest.
"I have no right telling you how to live your life but on the other hand, it's frustrating coming here and seeing all those friends of yours. I'm just..."
"You do love me, don't you."
It was like a bullet to my chest and I had nowhere to hide.
I shrugged my shoulders and buried my face into my palms, letting out a loud sigh.
"It's all good, come here."
He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. In that moment, there wasn't a worse feeling in the world for me.
"It's not good."
I said.
"You're not the type, I see it. I've known it from the first time I laid my eyes on you. And now I'm stuck with these feels and..."
"Whoa whoa, not the type for what? What you know? We haven't even talked about that before."
He replied.
I pulled away.
"Just face it, I'm not someone you need by your side."
He furrowed his brows and gave me this look.
"You ain't ever asked me that. How the hell do you know who I want and don't want with me?"
I bit my lower lip and shook my head.
"If you ever bothered to say something, I'd tell you."
"Tell me what?"
I wanted to know.
He glanced around the room and down at his feet. His eyes then wandered back up to mine.
"Yeah I fucked that one chick, I knew you'd figure it out, so I just avoided the subject, deciding it might be best we just chill without all the love stuff."
"I was telling myself the exact same thing."
I cynically chuckled and took a sip of bourbon from his glass from the table.
"Look, it ain't as easy as it sounds. We're together all the time; a person gotta be a psychopath if he don't develop any feelings."
He explained.
"Yeah."
I sighed.
"Come on Dita, you need me to draw it for you?"
"I might."
I leaned back.
"From that chick on, I haven't even looked at anybody. I like spending time with you, I like that you can't hide your feelings for me."
I grinned sourly, waiting for the moment of realization to hit me; how is this good?
"Man, you really are weird."
He chuckled.
"I know."
I replied, covering my face with my palm.
"You making it harder on me on purpose, huh?"
"I'd never. I just thought this could never happen."
I admitted, scooting closer to him.
He pulled me up to his lap and just held me.
"You want me to say it, that right?"
He mumbled.
I leaned my head on his, nodding.
"I love you." He whispered in my ear. "But only a little bit."
I chuckled and just shook my head.
"Yeah, me too. Just a little."
We sat there for a while, neither of us saying anything.
We were just processing our newly made confessions; saying it out loud made it very real.
We have feels for each other.
Relief finally took over my body and mind.
I just hoped it wouldn't be used against us.
So far, it's always been like that for me.
