Winchestered

29

"So. You and that Patch guy..."

"We're good friends. He's a very kind kid"

Dean and I went to a hotel because every motel was either closed or smelled like pee. I lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I check if the paper peace was dry ever so often. That paper peace could be the only real clue we have. Dean in other hand is cleaning his guns.

"I didn't know you had angel friends. I thought you hated angels ever since what happened with your brother."

My eyes flick to him, he had his back towards me so I couldn't see if he's joking or not.

"What's that supposed to mean" I quickly sit up straight.

"Just wondering" He slowly said.

I sit quiet for a second, recalculating Deans behaviour ever since I told him we were through. I don't think he got the message.

" He helps me and I help him. We're good friends that's it. I'm not hitting on him if that's what you think. Anyways Patch has a girlfriend you dick. " That may or may not have came out a little bit meaner then It did in my mind.

"So you're just friends huh? He can two-time you and his so called girlfriend. I've done it before, there is a  good chance he is too"

What a dick move. How dare he speak of my only friend like that.

"What's wrong with you? You can't just freaking accuse someone for something bad just because you don't know any better. You don't know a single shit about the things Patch had to go through yet you're being an asshole to him?"

"I get it, I get it."  He still has his back towards me.

"Do you though?" He turns around and looks at me with a confused frown. "I mean you've been acting so weird ever since I left, and now you're interrogating me about my friends, when actually it is none of your business"

"Oh I've been acting weird? Me? At least I didn't become a wannabe hunter with only her toy arrow gun and pathetic dead brother." He huffs

Oh so that's how it is.

"News flash Sherlock, Cameron was the only one I had! You in the other hand have Sam, Castiel, Kevin and Charlie. At least you have someone that knows you and who you truly are. I don't"

He laughs.

"Guess what, Sam is dead for all we know, Cas has turned into a fucking animal, going around and killing everyone , Kevin has head aches all the bloody time and I will assure you that he will not make it any longer. Charlie is just as broken as all of us, her mother and dad died because of her and now she uses her free time to run away from her past. It's not always about you." He breathes in

"No Dean. It's not always about YOU" I stand up. "Your making everything seem as if you're the one  suffering. But you're not. As you said, it's not always about me but it's not always about you either." I raise my voice.

The conversation has evolved in to something, I do not know what it is about. I just know that I have to yell to win.

"You don't know jack about me"

"Well you don't know jack about me either" I mimic him. "You know what, actually I do. I know everything there is to know about you. I have watched your moves in 9 whole freaking years. I know every bloody secret, all your darkest ones. I can use all of that against you and I will if you stand on my way" The anger inside of my is over powering my thoughts.

"Fuck you" He stands up and shouts in  my face. "Fuck you and your universe shit. Just because you're from an other world doesn't mean that wee are worth any less than you are. Oh and you have so many problems on your own yet you still get all cocky. Princess, You're father left you, you're brother left you. Your mother is probably all by herself, crying everyday because her unless kids never returned. You know what. I bet your dad left you because he knew what a annoying bitch you would drew up to be"

"How fucking dare you.." Instead of getting mad and punching Dean, I broke down. My eyes tear up and my voice cracks.

 Dean sees it and tries to pull me in for a hug.

"Don't you fucking dare come a little closer" I say but my voice was low and shaky.

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to.." He walks closer to me so I pick the blade up from my back pocket and aim it at him with both hands.  He takes a step back but not far enough.

"Back off" I scream.

He puts his hands up over his head "Trish put the blade down"

"NO BACK OFF" The blade was shaking, my hand was shaking, my arm was shaking. My whole body was shaking. The tears stream down my face. I must look so vulnerable now. "Why are you doing this to me" I pause "I've had enough of everything yet you still get on each one of my nerves" My voice was high pitched and it was cracking through out the whole sentence.

He stands quiet. Good.

"I've spend every second of every day trying to make this" I point at me and him."Work. As friends. You don't know how it's like for me. You don't know the nightmares I have every night. You don't know how I feel. You don't know what I've had to go through these past months"

"My brother coming here was the best thing that had ever happened since I came here but guess what he died. He died because of me? I already fucking know  that. I knew something was wrong with Castiel ever since the night at that pub." I breathe in.

"It wasn't your fault" Dean says. Ironic because for a few minutes ago he did say that it was  my fault.

"I saw him Dean. I saw him take  stuff from the kitchen back at the bunker and I didn't even ask. I fell for his trap. And now Cameron is dead. Hooray huh" The tears that dried had already been replaced by several others. Each burned on my skin. One worse than the other.

I was hyperventilating, my eyes were puffy and my vision blurry.

I felt a burning sensation on my arm so I pulled my jacket off and stares at the mark. It was red and it was slowly glowing.

"Honestly I'm starting to feel like his mark is doing something to me. Maybe it's a sign"

"Trisha" Dean takes a step towards me.

"Maybe I'm not worthy it. Maybe I'm better use dead? My brother died so why can't I.. How hard could it be.."

I quickly aimed the blade at my stomach. I'm going to do it. I will end it. Now and here. I won't be able to live an other day knowing that Dean saw me like this, broken and shattered. 

It will end now.

"TRISHA DON'T" Dean yells.

"Why not? I am better of dead.I'm just making things worse."

"No, no you're not"

 "Dean I know you still have feeling for me" He freezes. "I know it because I still have mine for you. They never left Dean." For  a second there Deans eyes were filled with joy instead of horror.

"But.. This is for the best." I cried.

"I love you" I pulled the blade away from my stomach and with all the power I have left I tried to pierce it through me. I noticed that Dean was running towards me.

It felt like everything went in slow motion.

But who will be first?

Death or Dean?

....