Night in the Ruts

Hypothetical Slush - Charlie

It's all I can do not to roll my eyes. But I stay light. "Where's Joe?" I ask again. He didn't answer when I asked last time.

"Probably with Annie," he says bitterly, and kind of harshly too, as though the words tasted sour.

"Oh," I say dully, trying not to get too hurt by his tone. Now it all makes sense. I think. He broke up with Annie or vice versa, and now she's with Joe and Steven's pissed about it. Or upset. That would explain the short answers, bottle of Jack, and staring at the wall, at least. "With Annie," I repeat.

Steven doesn't answer me again. He throws his head back with a sigh and stares at the ceiling, but closes his eyes. "God, I'm so fucked," he groans.

"Wha––"

He cuts me off, or doesn't hear me. "So fuckin' fucked." He tossed the cigarette into the ashtray on the table, somehow managing to make it without moving at all. I begin to ask what again, because I'm so very confused, but he continues with, "That's my girlfriend."

I feel my jaw go tense and my stomach clench up. "Yeah, I know," I say.

He sighs again. "No, not Annie. Not anymore," he says tightly. I don't say anything to that, but the feeling of relief is almost overwhelming. "Why're you here?" he asks me, eyes still closed.

"What?" The way he said it wasn't like he wanted me to leave, it was meant in some different way. I just don't understand. He's not making any sense.

"Why're you here?" he repeats, lighting another cigarette. "You keep comin' around even though I keep cheating," he explains in a drunken slur.

"I... I dunno," I say, taken aback. I don't want to say it out loud, because it's immensely cheesy and cliché and all that, but I realize the answer is, Because I love you. And I do love him. That's why I keep coming around.

"Why, Charlie?" he asks. "I fuckin' cheated on you, broke up with you, and you still wanna be with me," he states, almost making it a question.

"Yeah," I say truthfully. Because I love you doesn't seem like a good enough answer, but it's the truth and a can't help but realize that maybe I am an idiot for staying with him.

"Jesus Christ," he whispers in exasperation. What's with all the why do you wanna be with me questions? It's kind of starting to piss me off, to be honest. "Jules, I–" I watch as his eyes fly open. "Shit," he mutters. It all happened very quickly, actually.

"Jules?" I ask. Did he just call me Jules?

"No, Charlie," he says. "I–"

"Who's Jules?" I ask, cutting him off.

"Nobody," he says hastily. "Look, I just don't understand why, despite all the shit I put you through, you still wanna be with me."

"What're you trying to say here?" I demand, sitting forward.

All this happened while he'd kept his head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling. "I–I'm..."

I feel my eyes well up, and I instantly force back the tears. It was all too much. Seeing him like this, getting called Jules, which is probably his name for Julia, who came in with Joey, even though she's probably with Steven. "Jules is your other girlfriend," I state.

"I was gonna end it with her," he says. "I just–"

"Can't make up your mind," I finish.