Avec Amour || Shubman Gill. [ON HOLD]

10

Chapter 9 : Just myself is enough

Song : Home ~ BTS

It's been so terrible. I mean Shubman was not in a terrible fight but he had punched our physics teacher and was shouting something.

Abhay and a couple of other guys were restraining him, but he was so in rage.

I tried to go in front and talk to him, but Samiksha wasn't letting me.

"He'll see you and get more angry. Best stay here" she urged again and again- till the principle arrived at the scene.

Oh shit I muttered to myself.

"Excuse me" he began in a rather raspy voice "What is going on here?"

The teacher was at once on his side.

"Sir-" he began to say but the principal held up his hand and signalled for him to be quiet.

"What is this behaviour Mr Gill" he directed his words to Shubman, now lying free.

Shubman didn't say anything and walked away.

The hell?

He walked away?

Why isn't anyone doing anything?

"Tell Mr Gill, I'd like to see him in my office" The principal announced and went away, the physics teacher reeling behind him.

Samiksha took me back to the cafeteria "Okay Sam, What was this all?" I questioned her "I mean why didn't anyone say anything to him."

"I don't know Jhanvi." She shrugged

Soon, everyone joined us. Everyone except Shubman.

"Guys how did he just leave like this? What was he saying to the teacher? Hua kya?" (What happened?)

"He just started shouting at him. Something about 1 mark."

Oh.

"I have to find him" I said and walked away before anyone could stop me or say something to change my mind.

Now that I was out of canteen, I absolutely had no idea as to where I would find him.

I decided to call him.

But of course he didn't pick.

Also, he was nowhere for the rest of the day. I sulkily went through my classes and then rushed back home.

I mean how should I react to a guy punching a teacher because of me?

I decided to do the one thing I could. Talk to Rudra about it.

I went to his room but he wasn't there.

"Chachi Have you seen Rudra?" I asked my aunt

"Yaa Jhanvi he went out with some friends"

Oh. So Rudra is out. I could talk to Shreya about all this, but I didn't want to. We were on good terms and all. But this was too personal.

Should I call Shubman again? Or Sam and Maya for that matter.

I contemplated hard but then decided against it. In the moment I decided to call my mother.

She picked up almost instantly.

Wow

"Bonjour Maman" (Hello, mama) I said rather cheerfully.

"Jhanvi est-ce que tout fine?" (Jhanvi is everything okay?) she sounded a bit tense

"Yes what's wrong Mom"

"Rudra called today"

What! Really?

Rudra called mom. Why didn't he tell me. What could he have said to her?

I talked to mom for a long time. Apparently, Rudra had just mumbled on about how he hated everything here and how she should be with her children. With us.

I need to talk to Rudra about all this.

With this thought I decided to read some of mom's journals.

Tout a été comme un rêve. Rencontre avec Nihal en ce jour fatidique. J'avais été extrêmement stupide et jeune à cette époque.

Être enceinte de notre petit garçon a changé tout mon sens de la vie. Je suis sûr que je l'aimerai plus que tout au monde. Encore plus que Nihal, je pense.

It has all been like a dream. Meeting Nihal on that fateful day. I had been extremely foolish and young at that time.

Being pregnant with our baby boy has changed my entire sense of life. I'm sure I will love him more than anything else in this world. Even more than Nihal, I think.

Wow. I said to myself. Mom could've at least mentioned me. I rolled my eyes at all this. Rudra was somewhat right. She doesn't care.

Maintenant, tout ce que je veux, c'est être une bonne mère pour lui. L'aimer et le protéger de ce monde. Je veux que mon bébé ait tout ce qu'il souhaite.
Et je ferais n'importe quoi pour lui

Now all I want is to be a good mother to him. To love him and to protect him from this world. I want my baby to have everything he wishes for.

And I would do anything for him

I wonder what changed. Did she suddenly started loving dad more than Rudra? Well, there's no mention of me. So I am assuming that she really wanted a boy.

I wonder why she left us then.

Not us. Him.

All my life I have tried so hard to please her and be like her and conform my inner self to her liking but maybe I should just try to please my own self and be true to my self. Maybe I don't need anyone else.

Just my self is enough.

It has to be because no ones going to be there for me. Or love me, like I can love myself.

My phone rings.

"Shubman" I sigh before picking it up.

"Hey" he says

"Don't hey me. Where have you been? What the hell did you think you were doing? Now you're gonna be in so much trouble"

"Woah relax Jhan" he is laughing. "I just went back home because I was in too much anger and I won't be in trouble. Okay?"

"Why did you do it" I've started crying now. I don't know why but tears just start coming out of me.

"Oh god don't cry. I'm outside you house. Come here. We'll talk"

"Really?" I ask him

"Haan Ji"

I put down my phone and wash my face. Then I slip into my hoodie and go downstairs.

"I'm just going outside for a walk" I yell towards my uncle and grandma. They nod their head and I go outside.

There he is. Standing here. Leaning against his car. Looking absolutely perfect. And I realise I can't really ignore him like I had decided. Like Rudra had told me.

I can't be careful around him.

I run to him and hug him and then start crying again.

Mareul an haedo pyeonanhal geoya.
Neoman issdamyeon da nae jib-i doel goya. (Translation : Its comfortable even as you say nothing, with you anywhere will be my home.)

You know I want that home, you know you got that home.
Your love, your love, your love
I miss that
Your love your love your love
I want that
Your touch your touch your touch
I need that
La la la la la la la la I love it